What I Deal With on a Daily Basis

The other day, an email appeared in my inbox. I will not say whom it was from or what it referred to, but it contained some brilliant examples of management double-speak. I have been less than impressed with the behavior of the intended audience and, having seen this piece of corporate communication, I understand why the employees act the way they do. I now share some choice bits, with translations.

MISSION STATEMENT

“To deliver significant business value to large, complex organizations through innovative implementation of technologies”

Translation
"innovative implementation" means "we make this stuff up as we go along"

COMPANY VALUES:

Passion – it’s contagious and energizing

Translation
When one person updates a resume, we all update our resumes.

Success – Strive for it in al we do, personally and professionally

Translation
I totally meant to include that typo.

Accountability – be empowered and deliver on your commitments

Translation
Don't commit to anything.

Innovation – has always been a core value

Translation
We've always made it up as we go along.

Professionalism – go that extra mile to rise above the competition

Translation
You don't need to outrun the bear; you just need to outrun the person next to you.

Integrity – with a Capitol “I” in every situation

Translation
I focus solely on what is good for myself when it comes to ethical issues.

Citizenship – In partnership, a new foundation to give back to the community around us.

Translation
Our clients give us money, we take it, and spread it around.