Monday, June 30, 2008

The Most Horrifying Thing Known to Man

The other day, the Mrs. and I went to see WALL-E (which we loved).

However, there was one terrible thing we endured at the theater - awful awful trailers.

One of them (which I now present with warnings) was for "Beverly Hills Chihuahua." The Disney advertising machine went into overdrive on this one and resorted to some good ol' fashioned Cold War Brainwashing techniques for this trailer.

Basically, they give you a rhythmic beat and the words "chihuahua, chihuahua" repeated over and over and over and over and over and over and over again until there is nothing left in your mind.

When the trailer ended there were children in the theater still chanting "chihuahua, chihuahua, chihuahua, chihuahua."

It freaked me out.

To illustrate, here is the trailer:

And this is how I felt when watching it:

This whole thing reminds me of my rant about The Matrix (although, to be honest, it doesn't take much to get me to rant about The Matrix) and my rant about the Disney Chip.

My rant about the Matrix is this - the entire premise of the film is flawed.

The story goes like this - the robots decided to enslave humanity so they attacked and put humanity in the Matrix. This is preposterous. All they had to do is say, "Hey! We created this totally awesome place called The Matrix! Just sign in and you get to wear leather, do kung fu, and make time with hot women in red dresses" and people would line up in droves faster than you can say "Whoa." There is no need to "forcibly enslave" anyone. Heck, I'd sign up if they thew in an unlimited supply of bacon.

Which leads me to my rant about the Disney chip. One day, in the near future, the Disney company will come up with a chip to implant in your brain. It will be terrible and awful and it will eventually enslave humanity, but every child on the planet will want one and will whine and whine and whine and whine until he or she gets one.

And there is nothing anyone can do to stop it.

Just like Beverly Hills Chihuahua.




heather said...

crap, cheeks wants to go see wall-e and so do i but she already has a chihuahua facination and has been trying for about a year to convince me to get her one and tell the landlord it's just a weird looking cat. (no dogs allowed) i don't want a freakin ankle biter, if and when we get a dog it's gonna be a ~real~ dog. one that barks, not yips!

gonna go read the rest of the post now. :)

heather said...

alright, i'm convinced. what's the plan, what do you need me to do, say, procure?

disney must die.

oh, wait, disney is dead.

make that the disney corporation must be annihilated.

we need weapons, many, many weapons.

anyone have the key to charlton heston's basement?

M. Robert Turnage said...

In my opinion, unless a toddler cannot ride it, it isn't a real dog. I grew up with German Shepards and Malamutes and Huskies and other dogs that weighed more than a midget. Chihuahuas are rats. I bet New Jersey rats are tougher than Chihuahuas.

The Mrs. is very much a cat person, but can appreciate dogs at a distance. Unfortunately, she has to appreciate ALL animals at a distance because of her allergies.

Anyway, I do not know how to stop Disney. Once they claimed Johnny Depp as one of their own, I feared for the future.

alex said...

There is something about the Beverly Hills Chihuahua trailer - which I've seen four times now - that makes me turn in on myself with glee.

I cannot explain it, but let me try. It's so audacious that you start giggling thinking, "Surely, no." Then you start realizing that it's real, and that makes you giggle a little bit more.

Then you realize your giggling in a theater full of grown ups that are groaning in pain. And that strikes you as funny, so you start laughing louder.

And then you calm down a bit.

Then there's a shot of a field of chihuahuas with headresses on their heads dancing in unison. And the image is too delightful, so you start laughing again. Then you realize, again, that you're the only one laughing, so you laugh harder.

I won't see it, but the thought of it entrances me.

alex said...

I was going to say something like, "It's so inexorably stupid, that you HAVE to love it."

But then I thought that sounds too much like, "It's so bad its good," an expression that I hate. It's lost its meaning.

Then I looked up inexorable to see how to spell it.

This movie looks inexorable. And that may be why I love the trailer so.

NoRegrets said...

Damn, I'm so late to the party.

I"m afraid to watch the dog thing (I'm too lazy at the moment too to learn how to spell chi...) Oh wait, Heather has it right there. chihuahua.

NJ rats are tougher than Huskies, what were you thinking???

Alex, I learn much spelling through blogging, also.

heather said...

*nor, the google toolbar has a spell check feature that will help a lot with that. i've finally gotten it through my head that until only has one l. if you're using mozilla firefox the misspelled words will be underlined in red for you. the trick is to remember what you've corrected. :-)

Cyber D said...

I'm sorry our lunch didn't provide us time to get to The Matrix trilogy. We referenced it but your points are increadibly valid. And hilarious... and I also love bacon!

Susan said...

I have a very long rant about how Disney makes women have unrealistic expectations of relationships and men in general. No man has perfectly bouncy hair...

M. Robert Turnage said...

Alex, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I hope this movie makes you stronger.

Cyber, The Matrix is one of the worst type of movies for me - one that is very close to being great, but barely misses the mark. The next two are just out-and-out bad so they are easier to dismiss.

Susan, Disney has a long rich history of doing insane things and getting away with it. And concerning the hair... you obviously haven't met Alex.

Tera said...

I am SO out of the loop...I've never even heard of it!

NoRegrets said...

OK, I just braved it and watched the preview. That last move of the dog (I know Heather, but sometimes I'm just not into it) really reminded me of a muppet move!

Churlita said...

I would enter the Matrix if they told me Keanu Reeves was going to be there and not have a mouth, so I'd be able to look at him and not have to hear him. That was my favorite part of the movie.

Goo said...

Churlita, I'd go into the Matrix if they told me Keanu Reeves was going to be there, but not have a voice. I want him to have a mouth, but we don't need to converse.