Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Because I haven't posted in awhile

Here are some videos.

Big announcement coming soon.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

And your next vacation will be a guilt trip...

Q: How many Southern Mothers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Oh, don't mind me, I'm fine here in the dark...

Once the Mrs. was starring in a play cursed with a talentless director. He cast her as a Jewish mother and kept giving her direction like, "Nononono! Be more JEWISH. You know... JEWISH!" And then he would do a move I called "aggressive jazz hands" for emphasis. My wife, being a good actress, imitated this aggressive jazz hands gesture back to the man and asked, "I don't understand. You mean like this?" He responded by mumbling something about compromised artistic vision.

The Mrs. asked me later to help articulate the director's vision. "What does he mean by a Jewish mother?"

To which I responded, "He means a Brooklyn accent accompanied by a manner that makes everyone feel guilty. Because if you say Jewish mother or Chinese mother or Minnesotan mother or Southern mother, it all basically boils down to the same stereotype with a different accent."

I share these stories because of a phone call I received from American Airlines the other day. As I mentioned in this entry, I am a Platinum Club Dadoodie Dude on American Airlines. I am pretty proud of this fact, and I get emails from American Airlines all the time saying, "You know all those national news stories about how we charge passengers extra $25 for checking in luggage? Because you are so important to us, you will be blessed with the privilege of maintaining the status quo. That's right! We won't charge you our extra made up because-we-said-so luggage fee because we are that nice and you are that cool."

Anyway, they called because I am a Platinum Guy, and I used to fly with them all the time, and I haven't flown with them in awhile. They ignored the fact that I flew with them last month to New Mexico, I am flying with them to Chicago this month, and I'm flying with them to Atlanta next month, they just said that I used to fly with them all the time and they wanted to know what they could do to get me to fly with them all the time once again.

I don't like calls like this. And, even though I am fairly loyal to American Airlines, I also have my share of complaints.

But here is the kicker - the telemarketing group that American Airlines uses to call its Platinum Members who don't fly as much as they used to is staffed almost exclusively with older Southern Ladies. So the conversation was like talking with my grandmother about how I haven't come by and visited. Or why haven't I called. Or why there aren't any great-grandchildren.

So instead of getting angry at American Airlines and telling them that, even though I am Platinum and all, I am not the happiest of customers and if a company like Jet Blue flew where I needed to go, I would go there in a heartbeat, I started apologizing for hurting their feelings and telling them that I would do better next time and how can they possibly forgive me for being such a bad person?

Almost as soon as I hung up, I realized what happened and how American Airlines is a genius, yet diabolical, company.