Sunday, December 23, 2007

Merry Christmas World!

For those of you who don't want to download a screenplay, here is your gift. (Copy/paste the URL into your browser.)

Merry Christmas!

Friday, December 21, 2007

Merry Christmas Filmspotting Listeners

Merry Christmas fellow Filmspotting Listeners!

For those of you who need me to explain the elaborate in-joke, here it is.

In episode #166 of Filmspotting somewhere in the 50:13-1:01:50 point, Sam van Hallgren pitched a movie idea to the ether, hoping the forces in the universe would somehow make it so. This movie was entitled Haitian Divorce. (You can go here and scroll down some to see a nifty little poster for it.)

In a mad fervor brought on by lots of caffeine, sugar, and Dance Dance Revolution, a 62-page-third-act-is-missing script for Haitian Divorce somehow appeared on my computer.

And now, here it is for your enjoyment.

Haitian Divorce

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

This explains a lot about me, except I'm not what you would call... a girl

Your Score: Marcie

Wishy-Washy: 46%, Mental: 71%, Physical: 6%

Marcie is Peppermint Patty's best friend, and secretly loves Charlie Brown. She is always willing to help Patty through class and with homework, and plays on her sports teams even though she would rather be doing something else. Always address people you respect as "sir".

Link: The Peanuts Character Test written by timberlineridge on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

What to do, what to do....

I am craving some milk. Specifically, I am craving 128 fl oz of Tuscan Whole Milk.

Amazon has a listing, but is it the right 128 fl oz of Tuscan Whole Milk for me?

Thank you Amazon reviewers!

Monday, December 10, 2007

The Blog Reaches a New All-Time Low

I try to make these blog posts interesting and, if nothing else, my own thoughts. Posting videos is one thing, but writing blog entries for the sole purpose of asking you to read someone else's blog entries is something I don't feel comfortable doing. And I really don't feel 100% comfortable linking to other blogs where I commented with a note saying, "Hey world! Look at my comment! I'm so brilliant!"

But... Karina's blog post today is a really good/interesting one. And not only was I the first to comment on it (resisting the impulse to post the word "First!"), I am (as of this writing) the only person who came up with another possible storyline for an Arrested Development movie.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Top 10 Movies I Wouldn't Mind Seeing Sometime in the Next Few Months

My last two Top 10 Lists were not in any specific order. That's not the case with this one. If it is not on the list (No Country for Old Men, Enchanted) it probably means I've already seen it.

10. Charlie Wilson's War - Interested to see if Aaron Sorkin has learned his lesson and finally decided to curb the self-indulgence a little. Not really a great selling point, but that is why I want to see the film.

9. The Darjeeling Limited - I consider Wes Anderson a local filmmaker, even though his current ties to Dallas are tangential at best. His films do capture a sensibility that I do equate with Dallas, so it would be interesting to see how this film fares. I know a lot of people didn't like this film, so it will be interesting to see how big of a mess it really is.

8. Elizabeth: The Golden Age - Speaking of films that I heard were spectacular messes... Seriously, though, my first exposure to Cate Blanchett was the first Elizabeth film, which I really liked. You know, the 6 through 9 portion of this list are the "meh" kind of movies for me. Most of the movies I see just make me angry, so if the film doesn't look like it will greatly offend me, it makes the list.

7. Sweeney Todd - I saw a really bad community theater production of this a few years ago, so would like to see it done up right and proper with actors obviously dubbed with operatic voices. Oh, wait, they're singing the part themselves... oh dear.

6. There Will Be Blood - I have a real love/hate relationship with P.T. Anderson. All his movies occupy this space where they constantly teeter between sheer brilliance (Magnolia) or utter craptacular disaster (Boogie Nights). This insane little dance makes him interesting if nothing else.

5. Michael Clayton - I heard a lot of good things about it, and I've always admired George Clooney's business decisions even if I don't always care for his acting/directing choices. The man is always willing to lend his presence to works that otherwise wouldn't get made. Every movie you pay for in the theater is a vote for what you want the next three years worth of movies to be. I would rather George Clooney (and Stephen Soderberg, for that matter) get my money than Michael Bay.

4. Persepolis - I read and really liked the book and Marjanne Sarapi, a cartoonist whom I have never met or interacted with in any real way, is one of my 400 dearest MySpace friends. I sincerely hope, however, that they decide NOT to do white subtitles with a black and white movie.

3. Atonement - Once again, I've read the book so I know the ending. I like Kiera Knightley and freely admit she has done some of her best non-Bend it Like Beckam work with director Joe Wright. Most importantly - the trailer blew me away.

2. Juno - Once again, sold by the trailer and the really positive word of mouth by every film blog I read. I liked Thank You for Smoking and am interested in the follow up. Plus, there is a mini Arrested Development reunion which was awesome.

1. Protagonist - And now you know my sneaky trick. I made a Top Ten list just to get you to read about how great Protagonist is going to be. Jessica Yu is a great filmmaker and anything she touches will be at the very least magical if not transcendent. This film looks like it swims in the same water as Fast, Cheap, and Out of Control (one of my favorite movies). Jessica Yu reminds me of why I love movies in the first place.

Seriously, check out this trailer.

But more importantly, check out this interview with director-of-goodness Jessica Yu.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Top 10 Christmas Gifts that Show You Are Very Close to Someone

Every year, people give gifts because they have to. Ideally a gift is supposed to be a way to say, “This item is a symbol of our relationship. I am showing you how much I know you and care about you by giving you something I know you want and/or need.” And if we needed any proof that we do not live in an ideal world, we need to look no further than that package of tube socks beneath the Christmas tree.

With that in mind, I decided to make a Top 10 list of non-generic, possibly offensive to someone who doesn’t really want them, gifts. The whole idea is that if you give this gift to the right person, that person will be touched beyond belief. But if you use it as a generic gift, you will probably run into trouble.

1. The Story of Chickenman – The people who love Chickenman really love Chickenman. And anyone who doesn’t love Chickenman will probably not be happy with a 14 CD, 273 episode collection of his adventures.

2. TV B Gone – This is a universal remote with only one button – Off. For people who hate TV in public places or just people who want to cause mischief at the local Best Buy or Circuit City. People who love TV won’t understand the point of the device.

3. Innocence & Despair: The Langley Schools Music Project – So there was this music teacher who tried an innovative way of teaching choir where the students just had to make noise and didn’t have to worry about such petty details like tempo and pitch. And then he recorded it. So anyone who is interested in educational theory and children singing off key, this is the album for you.

4. Men, Women, and Chain Saws: Gender in the Modern Horror Film – For the intellectual feminist horror fan in your life, here is a book that doesn’t focus solely on Buffy the Vampire Slayer in a vain attempt to intellectually justify a creepy Sarah Michelle Gellar fascination.

5. Recovers by Yat-Kha – Tuvan throat singing of your favorite songs. People who love the songs might hate the sound of Tuvan throat singing and people who love Tuvan throat singing might hate these commercial sell-outs, Yat-Kha. It takes a very special person to love both Tuvan throat singing covers.

6. Marantz PMD670 Solid-State Recorder – For a very special person, a portable, solid-state recorder with XLR inputs is a joy to behold. For everyone else, it is a very expensive paperweight.

7. Hollerin’ – The winners of the 1975 hollerin contest in Spivey, North Carolina made an album of pig calls and other assorted hollers. For the hollerin’ enthusiast in your life.

8. XKCD T-Shirt – There is nothing like making an admittedly very funny programming joke and then placing it on a T-Shirt so the wearer will be forced to explain the joke to every single person who reads it.

9. Ubuntu – “Hey, I thought you would enjoy this free UNIX operating system, you know, for your laptop or old computer or something. It fits on a CD.”
“Um… I guess that’s kind of awesome.”

10. A Morse Code watch - For that special person who loves telling time in Morse code.

Bonus! A bag of hops – Home brewers cannot get enough of this. To non-homebrewers, it is… just a bag of hops.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Top 10 Great Places to Waste Your Time on the Internet – 2007 Edition

This is the time of year when people are making Top 10 Lists. Top 10 Movies, Top 10 Albums, Top 10 Books, Top 10 Magic Television Moments, Top 10 Wittiest T-Shirts, etc.

Well, I am not qualified to make any of those lists. I am not a slave to the now, and I don’t really have the time to sample every piece of culture that comes down the pike.

However, I am qualified to point you in the direction of some great websites where you can waste hours upon hours.

So, here it is, my Top 10 Great Places to Waste Time on the Internet. (Ok, it is more like Top 18 list.)

1. Homestar Runner – Web cartoons! This is a perennial favorite. The only downside is that they aren’t consistently funny, but if you had to create a cartoon a week, you would run into the same problem. They’re either brilliantly funny or just kind of strange.

2. The Onion/The Onion A.V. Club (tie) – My dream job is to work for this place, but still maintain a salary I can live on. Sadly, being bitter and funny and having a great salary are mutually exclusive.

3. Aquarium Drunkard/Gorilla vs. Bear (tie) – I troll a lot of .mp3 blogs, and these are two of my favorites. Aquarium Drunkard is a great source of music, but Gorilla vs. Bear is local and focuses on the Dallas music scene.

4. Stickfigures in Peril/I can has Cheezburger (tie) – What would the internet be without funny pictures? Stickfigures in Peril is one of my favorite Flickr groups. And, yes, I know every cool person on the planet hates hates hates websites dedicated to cute cat pictures with funny captions, but some of these are just REALLY FUNNY. Like this one:

5. Overheard in New York/Overheard in the Office/Overheard at the Beach/Overheard Evreywhere (tie) – Eavesdrop and send transcripts of the conversation to everyone on the internet!

6. Indexed/XKCD (tie) – The things printed on these websites are proof positive that the funniest and most insightful things also happen to be the simplest.

7. Audition – One of my favorite podcasts that focuses on culture and intellectual pursuits. If I were to rank these in order of most important on top, this would be #1. Instead, I ranked this list by the amounts of time I waste on the websites.

8. Go Fug Yourself – After listening to the lofty and high-minded Audition podcast, you can go to this website and read all sorts of snark-snark-snirk about fashion disasters. For fun, you can be like me and not really understand why the commentators are so offended by such and such outfit because bright yellow plumage looks just fine on her.

9. Despair/The Bacon Show (tie) – Ok, Despair is so bleakly and cynically hilarious that it can sometimes depress you. Which is where a blog dedicated to bacon recipes comes in. Because it is bacon, it is inherently good.

10. Bully Says: Comics Oughta Be Fun! I read waaaay tooo many blogs and websites about comics and webcomics, but this one is my favorite. A stuffed bull reads comics, P.G. Wodehouse, and sometimes does fun little projects.