Top 10 Christmas Gifts that Show You Are Very Close to Someone

Every year, people give gifts because they have to. Ideally a gift is supposed to be a way to say, “This item is a symbol of our relationship. I am showing you how much I know you and care about you by giving you something I know you want and/or need.” And if we needed any proof that we do not live in an ideal world, we need to look no further than that package of tube socks beneath the Christmas tree.

With that in mind, I decided to make a Top 10 list of non-generic, possibly offensive to someone who doesn’t really want them, gifts. The whole idea is that if you give this gift to the right person, that person will be touched beyond belief. But if you use it as a generic gift, you will probably run into trouble.

1. The Story of Chickenman – The people who love Chickenman really love Chickenman. And anyone who doesn’t love Chickenman will probably not be happy with a 14 CD, 273 episode collection of his adventures.

2. TV B Gone – This is a universal remote with only one button – Off. For people who hate TV in public places or just people who want to cause mischief at the local Best Buy or Circuit City. People who love TV won’t understand the point of the device.

3. Innocence & Despair: The Langley Schools Music Project – So there was this music teacher who tried an innovative way of teaching choir where the students just had to make noise and didn’t have to worry about such petty details like tempo and pitch. And then he recorded it. So anyone who is interested in educational theory and children singing off key, this is the album for you.

4. Men, Women, and Chain Saws: Gender in the Modern Horror Film – For the intellectual feminist horror fan in your life, here is a book that doesn’t focus solely on Buffy the Vampire Slayer in a vain attempt to intellectually justify a creepy Sarah Michelle Gellar fascination.

5. Recovers by Yat-Kha – Tuvan throat singing of your favorite songs. People who love the songs might hate the sound of Tuvan throat singing and people who love Tuvan throat singing might hate these commercial sell-outs, Yat-Kha. It takes a very special person to love both Tuvan throat singing covers.

6. Marantz PMD670 Solid-State Recorder – For a very special person, a portable, solid-state recorder with XLR inputs is a joy to behold. For everyone else, it is a very expensive paperweight.

7. Hollerin’ – The winners of the 1975 hollerin contest in Spivey, North Carolina made an album of pig calls and other assorted hollers. For the hollerin’ enthusiast in your life.

8. XKCD T-Shirt – There is nothing like making an admittedly very funny programming joke and then placing it on a T-Shirt so the wearer will be forced to explain the joke to every single person who reads it.




9. Ubuntu – “Hey, I thought you would enjoy this free UNIX operating system, you know, for your laptop or old computer or something. It fits on a CD.”
“Um… I guess that’s kind of awesome.”

10. A Morse Code watch - For that special person who loves telling time in Morse code.

Bonus! A bag of hops – Home brewers cannot get enough of this. To non-homebrewers, it is… just a bag of hops.