Friday, March 07, 2008

When Conservatives Pitch Television Series....

"It is a cross between a make-over show and one of those shows where someone gets dared to do more and more outrageous things."

"What's it called?"

"Right now, I'm calling it, 'Get a Job!' But I'm not married to the title. We can come up with something better. What we do is this - we get people in their late teens or early twenties. The ones with lots of piercings or pink hair or something like that. Pretty much anyone who works at a Starbucks or Whole Foods."

"I love shopping there."

"Oh, I do, too. But it is like they have a dreadlock dress code or something like that. Anyway, we get them on the show and then we dare them to take out their piercings or cut their hair or get their tattoos surgically removed. Each time they modify their appearance, they move up a level."

"So, what's the endgame?"

"In the final round, they are offered a choice, a business suit or jeans and a T-shirt. If they pick the jeans and a T-shirt, they are politely sent on their way with a case of Turtle Wax. But if they pick the suit, they will win one million dollars."

"How will we be able to pay out one million dollars a show?"

"That's the beauty of it. The one million dollars will be paid out over the course of twenty years."

"So, what does that work out to? $50,000 a year?"

"Yes. and in exchange, they will get the pleasure of being in an office from 9 to 5, Monday through Friday, a nice benefits package, and two weeks vacation per year."

"I don't know if that seems fair."

"That's more than fair. After all, they will have won this. This will be their prize."

"Couldn't you just give them a car or something?"

"They can use their one million dollars to buy themselves a car in easy monthly payments."

"I don't know if I'm feeling this show or not."

"Ok, how about this one? I call it 'Mark of the Beast' and it involves turning members of heavy metal bands into corporate lawyers. At the end, they get to tell us which lifestyle is more evil."

"If we can get Rob Zombie to host it, you've got yourself a deal."


heather said...

the world is evil enough. there's no need to go converting something as innocent as metalheads into corporate lawyers. :-)

M. Robert Turnage said...

I always thought there was something a little sweet and naive about someone who would tattoo '666' on his forehead.

But it does strike me as ironic that people think of long-haired metalheads as evil, when the truly wicked are in executive positions or public office.

Cyber D said...

I think we established back in 1992 that evil is innate.

Gyuss Baaltar said...

No it's not!

Evil is indave!

heather said...

does dave know this?