Monday, March 03, 2008

Another Conversation I Didn't Enjoy Having

"Yeah. She's all right."

"What do you mean, 'She's all right'. Dude, she is totally hot!"

"She's ok. I'll give her cute, but I have to disqualify her because she looks too much like her dad."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Whenever I see a woman who looks like her father, I do not find her attractive. It is this thing with me."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. And I don't like talking about because I usually get into pointless arguments about allegedly hot women."

"Like who?"

"Angelina Jolie."

"No way! Get out of here!"

"I'm serious. That is Jon Voight with breasts. I do not find her attractive in the slightest. Same goes for Liv Tyler."

"You're killing me, man. She was in Lord of the Frikkin' Rings."

"And the whole time, I was going, 'Oh, good Lord they cast Stephen Tyler playing that woman's role? Why would Viggo want to kiss that dude looks like a lady guy?'"

"What about my daughter? She looks just like me, and she is the most beautiful woman in the world."

"Your kid is cute, but I do not find her attractive for two reasons. One, she looks just like you and, two, she is only three."

"If we continue this conversation, you're going to get seriously hurt."

7 comments:

Gyuss Baaltar said...

I'm thinking a daughter of a friend has to be 17 before you're allowed to comment on whether or not she's attractive.

M. Robert Turnage said...

I totally agree. This is a streamlined conversation I had with a friend who seemed to be upset that I refused to call his toddler "hot."

I run with a wild crowd.

Cyber D said...

What about son's who look like their hot mother's. Do you retroactively now think the woman is ugly since she produced a male offspring with simliar characteristics?

Gyuss Baaltar said...

M.R.T, you get friendly with the weirdest people...

M. Robert Turnage said...

Cyber - With me it is a one-way street. I don't know if you've ever seen Audrey Hepburn's sons or not. They look just like her, but are not attractive in the slightest. But their not-so-hotness does not retroactively make Ms. Heburn any lower on the sizzle scale.

And I freely admit this is just a strange thing with me. Whenever I get into a "guy talk" situation, I inevitably make some sort of faux pas by either decrying a woman as less-than-hot, or casually mention that I can see the appeal of someone like Joan Cusack.

Gyuss Baaltar said...

Yunno, Joan Cusack would make me laugh. And then I'd have to take her to bed. That's how I roll.

Cyber D said...

If was stranded on a desert island with only Joan Cusak, Laura Linney, Annie Lennox, and Brad Pitt. The first thing I would do is smasha cocconut over Pitt's head - killing him. Then my first choice of lovers would almost certainly be Ms. Cusak!