Monday, March 03, 2008

Another Conversation I Didn't Enjoy Having

"Yeah. She's all right."

"What do you mean, 'She's all right'. Dude, she is totally hot!"

"She's ok. I'll give her cute, but I have to disqualify her because she looks too much like her dad."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Whenever I see a woman who looks like her father, I do not find her attractive. It is this thing with me."


"Yeah. And I don't like talking about because I usually get into pointless arguments about allegedly hot women."

"Like who?"

"Angelina Jolie."

"No way! Get out of here!"

"I'm serious. That is Jon Voight with breasts. I do not find her attractive in the slightest. Same goes for Liv Tyler."

"You're killing me, man. She was in Lord of the Frikkin' Rings."

"And the whole time, I was going, 'Oh, good Lord they cast Stephen Tyler playing that woman's role? Why would Viggo want to kiss that dude looks like a lady guy?'"

"What about my daughter? She looks just like me, and she is the most beautiful woman in the world."

"Your kid is cute, but I do not find her attractive for two reasons. One, she looks just like you and, two, she is only three."

"If we continue this conversation, you're going to get seriously hurt."


Gyuss Baaltar said...

I'm thinking a daughter of a friend has to be 17 before you're allowed to comment on whether or not she's attractive.

M. Robert Turnage said...

I totally agree. This is a streamlined conversation I had with a friend who seemed to be upset that I refused to call his toddler "hot."

I run with a wild crowd.

Cyber D said...

What about son's who look like their hot mother's. Do you retroactively now think the woman is ugly since she produced a male offspring with simliar characteristics?

Gyuss Baaltar said...

M.R.T, you get friendly with the weirdest people...

M. Robert Turnage said...

Cyber - With me it is a one-way street. I don't know if you've ever seen Audrey Hepburn's sons or not. They look just like her, but are not attractive in the slightest. But their not-so-hotness does not retroactively make Ms. Heburn any lower on the sizzle scale.

And I freely admit this is just a strange thing with me. Whenever I get into a "guy talk" situation, I inevitably make some sort of faux pas by either decrying a woman as less-than-hot, or casually mention that I can see the appeal of someone like Joan Cusack.

Gyuss Baaltar said...

Yunno, Joan Cusack would make me laugh. And then I'd have to take her to bed. That's how I roll.

Cyber D said...

If was stranded on a desert island with only Joan Cusak, Laura Linney, Annie Lennox, and Brad Pitt. The first thing I would do is smasha cocconut over Pitt's head - killing him. Then my first choice of lovers would almost certainly be Ms. Cusak!