Monday, March 24, 2008

Ain't It Cool News Style Guide

Dear Interested Writer!!!!

We are SOOOOO EXCITED!!!! about your interst in writing for the BEST!!! AND BADDEST!!! entertainment website IN ALL OF EXISTENCE!!!!! Aintitcoolnews.com

We here in the SECRET AICN LAIR(!!!) are all for INTRSTING!!!!! and PROVACA-… PROVOCO-… CONTROVERSIAL articles so we are giving you, yes YOU!!!! a copy of our OFFICIAL AICN STYLE GUIDE!!!!!

Even tho our styles are set in stone, THEY ARE NOT REALLY SET IN STONE!!! You should HAVE FUN (!!!) and above all EXPRESS YOURSELF!!!! Remember: We are not as strict about spelling and grammar as the LOLCATS sites – We believe in the CREATIVE EXPRESSION OF THE INDIVIDUAL!!!!

With that in mind – PLEASE USE THE FOLLOWING GUIDELINES WHEN WRITIN FOR OUR TOTALLY!!!! AWESOME!!!!! SITE!!!!!

1) Bold everything!!!!

There is no point – NO POINT – in writing ANYthing unless it can be BOLDED!!!! and OCCASIONALLY ITALICIZED!

2) Begin ALL!! OF!! YOUR!! ARTICLES!!! with a ramble about yourself.

We here at AICN (!) insist that our writers have a RICH FANTASY LIFE!!!! This should be AT LEAST 3,000 words!! and should include INCREDIBLE DESCRIPTIONS OF YOUR SECRET LAB, YOUR LAIR (!!!) or YOUR ELEET NETWORK OF SPIES!!!!! Describe youself as DASHING!! and HANDSOME!!! Do not be afraid to use the occasional line similar to, “Fat lovin is good lovin!!” Because that will make you seem MORE LIKE A REAL PERSON.

3) AVOID!!! UNNECESSARY!!! PUNCTUATION!!!!

Believe me, I know the temptation to add three!!! exclaimation!!! points!!! but you should just stick to TWO!! unless the sentence is REALLY!!! IMPORTANT!!! A THREE!!! EXCLAIMATION!!! SENTENCE!!! IS!!! A!!! SPECIAL!!! SENTENCE!!!

Remember, we strive for subtlety and restraint in all we do.

6 comments:

Gyuss Baaltar said...

Yunno, I dare to believe that truly is their style guide.

Magnus said...

I do consider more that one of these "!" in a paragraph a clear indication of an unstable mental state. I do stop reading after the third...

Goo said...

Given that half of my professional conversations result in my referring co-workers to our style guide--that is, the half of my conversations not focused entirely on the constant and contraversial revision of the style guide--this isn't nearly as funny as it ought to be.

This is scary true. And I don't even work for AICN!!!

M. Robert Turnage said...

May times, I have thought of putting a "Styles and Standards Enforcer and Site Editor for Aintitcoolnews.com" on my resume just to see what would happen.

It always surprises/baffles me when filmmakers use the site for marketing materials. When I see a DVD with an AICN quote on the cover, part of my mind screams, "Run away! Run away!"

Cyber D said...

I love punctuation!

Tera said...

((Chuckle))......!!!