Been too busy to write, but here is a movie

Because it has been a while since I've posted videos and nothing else...

David Lynch is a funny guy.

While I'm Talking about Excellent Customer Experiences...

Just wanted to share this message from Creative Screenwriting magazine in response to my email.

I sent this:

Hi there-

I am writing to inquire about the status of this order.

I placed it over a month ago and have not received it yet. Any information would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

-RT

They responded with this:

Hi Robert,

I am very sorry about the late delivery. You have every reason to be
unhappy. So do we. We outsourced DVD fulfillment to a company called
OWD. They failed to see 140+ orders in early December, and blamed
everyone in sight but themselves. We have fired them and are
fulfilling these orders ourselves.

If you do not cancel your order, you will receive (write me if you
don't) a coupon good for $12.97 off another DVD order or off a
subscription to Creative Screenwriting Magazine -- effectively a DVD
for delivery cost or half price on the magazine.

We're trying to get all the DVD's shipped out this week, we've already
begun shipping DVD's out as of Friday.

Take care,
CS

***

This shows a couple of things:

1) They can write well.
2) They know their customers are mostly writers, a notoriously crabby lot, and can disarm them with not only brevity and charm, but with a discount.
3) If they don't care about you, they are really good at hiding it.

And I didn't even have to be disgruntled.

I got a free Chipotle burrito today.

What happened was I ordered a carnitas (shredded pork) burrito and they didn't have any carnitas ready at the very second I ordered it.

"It will be right out, sir."

"No problem."

"It will be out in 45 seconds."

"Really, no problem."

"It will be out in 30 seconds."

"Oh, come on? You've got it timed out like that? Let's see. GO! 30. 29. 28. 27. 26. 25. 24. 23. 22. 21. 20. 19. 18. 17. 16. 15. 14. 13. 12. 11. 10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1! WOOHOO! YOU MADE IT! Wow! That was fun. Ok, I want it with pico de gallo, lettuce, cheese, and guacamole which I already know is extra so you don't have to ask. "

"No charge, sir. This one is on us."

"What do you mean, no charge? Here is my credit card."

"No, sir. We were not prepared, so this one is on the house."

"I know it is your policy to refund the money if a customer makes a complaint, but this isn't a complaint."

"I know. It's still on the house. Thank you, sir."

"Wow. Thanks. That's awesome. What ingredient will you be out of tomorrow?"

What can I say? I like books.

A good friend invited my wife and me to Shelfari, a website where you can catalog all of your books, share them with your friends, and review them. It is like a strange mashup between Amazon and Facebook.

Anyway, here is my profile. Most of my books are in storage right now, so this is maybe about 1/10 of my collection. And, yes, I do own that many comics.

Subtle Sign things are Changing

One of the little head games I like to play at restaurants is psychologically evaluating the wait staff when the check comes.

My wife and I have both been in situations where were are the only Caucasian and/or male person at the table and have automatically been handed the check when we weren't the person picking up the check. In large groups, this can lead to a socially awkward situation that can easily be resolved with a simple little, "Hey! Do I look rich to you?" and then hiding in the bathroom until the check magically disappears.

However, when it is just the Missus and myself and the waiter or waitress places the check directly in front of me as opposed to the center of the table, I usually respond with a, "Check it out! We're dining in a male chauvinist restaurant! IN YOUR FACE! IN YOUR FACE! GUYS RULE AND GIRLS DROOL!" Yes, I am at that age where I do not tolerate other people behaving like an eight-year-old, but in myself I deem immaturity as an adorable quirk.

Anyway, we prefer to dine in non-chain, family-owned restaurants, so this me-getting-the-check thing happens with frightening regularity. But, as it happens, this past week one of our regular hand-the-guy-the-check places placed the check gently in the center of the table.

"Wow!" I said. "Um... do you want to get it this time?"

"We have a joint checking account and joint credit card, so it doesn't matter."

"Oh yeah. I forgot. So... you're getting the check, right?"

I think 2008 is going to be a great year.

Because the World Needs More Blogs about Films

While people like my brother have decided to consolidate all of their interests into one place where you can learn about programming, knitting, and sausage making, I am starting off 2008 by fragmenting my web presence.

I've written about films on Too Much Time on My Hands before, but I have decided to create another web log that exists just to hold my thoughts on film. I call this web log Not the Younglings!

While a lot of the film web logs I read (like SpoutBlog) focus on the here and now in film movements, I'll be writing about whatever the heck I want to write about (which more often than not means things that aren't playing in theaters).

Right now, the ideas for this new film blog are a little hazy, but two features I plan on doing throughout 2008 include writing about every movie in my 400+ DVD collection and, in the spirit of The Onion AV Club's My Year of Flops feature, writing about some cinematic One-Star Wonders. The sad truth is that I've secretly been wanting to blog about Boxing Helena for some time now.

Another Year, Another Bootleg Mashup Download Album

I love these things.

Plus, it makes me happy to see that Avril Lavigne "Girlfriend" song get mashed up with that Toni Basil 80s staple "Micky". If there was only some way to work Gwen Stefani's "Hollaback Girl" into the song as well. It shouldn't be hard because they are all essentially the same song.

Something to cure the holiday blues...

Merry Christmas World!

For those of you who don't want to download a screenplay, here is your gift. (Copy/paste the URL into your browser.)

www.stickleyandjones.com/funstuff/Merry_Christmas_2007.zip

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas Filmspotting Listeners

Merry Christmas fellow Filmspotting Listeners!

For those of you who need me to explain the elaborate in-joke, here it is.

In episode #166 of Filmspotting somewhere in the 50:13-1:01:50 point, Sam van Hallgren pitched a movie idea to the ether, hoping the forces in the universe would somehow make it so. This movie was entitled Haitian Divorce. (You can go here and scroll down some to see a nifty little poster for it.)

In a mad fervor brought on by lots of caffeine, sugar, and Dance Dance Revolution, a 62-page-third-act-is-missing script for Haitian Divorce somehow appeared on my computer.

And now, here it is for your enjoyment.

Haitian Divorce

A Dream Achieved - 2007 Edition

Check out the status!

Now, I have to set goals and resolutions for 2008.

This explains a lot about me, except I'm not what you would call... a girl

Your Score: Marcie

Wishy-Washy: 46%, Mental: 71%, Physical: 6%

Marcie is Peppermint Patty's best friend, and secretly loves Charlie Brown. She is always willing to help Patty through class and with homework, and plays on her sports teams even though she would rather be doing something else. Always address people you respect as "sir".

Link: The Peanuts Character Test written by timberlineridge on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

What to do, what to do....

I am craving some milk. Specifically, I am craving 128 fl oz of Tuscan Whole Milk.

Amazon has a listing, but is it the right 128 fl oz of Tuscan Whole Milk for me?

Thank you Amazon reviewers!

The Blog Reaches a New All-Time Low

I try to make these blog posts interesting and, if nothing else, my own thoughts. Posting videos is one thing, but writing blog entries for the sole purpose of asking you to read someone else's blog entries is something I don't feel comfortable doing. And I really don't feel 100% comfortable linking to other blogs where I commented with a note saying, "Hey world! Look at my comment! I'm so brilliant!"

But... Karina's Spout.com blog post today is a really good/interesting one. And not only was I the first to comment on it (resisting the impulse to post the word "First!"), I am (as of this writing) the only person who came up with another possible storyline for an Arrested Development movie.

Top 10 Movies I Wouldn't Mind Seeing Sometime in the Next Few Months

My last two Top 10 Lists were not in any specific order. That's not the case with this one. If it is not on the list (No Country for Old Men, Enchanted) it probably means I've already seen it.

10. Charlie Wilson's War - Interested to see if Aaron Sorkin has learned his lesson and finally decided to curb the self-indulgence a little. Not really a great selling point, but that is why I want to see the film.



9. The Darjeeling Limited - I consider Wes Anderson a local filmmaker, even though his current ties to Dallas are tangential at best. His films do capture a sensibility that I do equate with Dallas, so it would be interesting to see how this film fares. I know a lot of people didn't like this film, so it will be interesting to see how big of a mess it really is.



8. Elizabeth: The Golden Age - Speaking of films that I heard were spectacular messes... Seriously, though, my first exposure to Cate Blanchett was the first Elizabeth film, which I really liked. You know, the 6 through 9 portion of this list are the "meh" kind of movies for me. Most of the movies I see just make me angry, so if the film doesn't look like it will greatly offend me, it makes the list.



7. Sweeney Todd - I saw a really bad community theater production of this a few years ago, so would like to see it done up right and proper with actors obviously dubbed with operatic voices. Oh, wait, they're singing the part themselves... oh dear.



6. There Will Be Blood - I have a real love/hate relationship with P.T. Anderson. All his movies occupy this space where they constantly teeter between sheer brilliance (Magnolia) or utter craptacular disaster (Boogie Nights). This insane little dance makes him interesting if nothing else.



5. Michael Clayton - I heard a lot of good things about it, and I've always admired George Clooney's business decisions even if I don't always care for his acting/directing choices. The man is always willing to lend his presence to works that otherwise wouldn't get made. Every movie you pay for in the theater is a vote for what you want the next three years worth of movies to be. I would rather George Clooney (and Stephen Soderberg, for that matter) get my money than Michael Bay.



4. Persepolis - I read and really liked the book and Marjanne Sarapi, a cartoonist whom I have never met or interacted with in any real way, is one of my 400 dearest MySpace friends. I sincerely hope, however, that they decide NOT to do white subtitles with a black and white movie.



3. Atonement - Once again, I've read the book so I know the ending. I like Kiera Knightley and freely admit she has done some of her best non-Bend it Like Beckam work with director Joe Wright. Most importantly - the trailer blew me away.



2. Juno - Once again, sold by the trailer and the really positive word of mouth by every film blog I read. I liked Thank You for Smoking and am interested in the follow up. Plus, there is a mini Arrested Development reunion which was awesome.



1. Protagonist - And now you know my sneaky trick. I made a Top Ten list just to get you to read about how great Protagonist is going to be. Jessica Yu is a great filmmaker and anything she touches will be at the very least magical if not transcendent. This film looks like it swims in the same water as Fast, Cheap, and Out of Control (one of my favorite movies). Jessica Yu reminds me of why I love movies in the first place.

Seriously, check out this trailer.



But more importantly, check out this interview with director-of-goodness Jessica Yu.

Top 10 Christmas Gifts that Show You Are Very Close to Someone

Every year, people give gifts because they have to. Ideally a gift is supposed to be a way to say, “This item is a symbol of our relationship. I am showing you how much I know you and care about you by giving you something I know you want and/or need.” And if we needed any proof that we do not live in an ideal world, we need to look no further than that package of tube socks beneath the Christmas tree.

With that in mind, I decided to make a Top 10 list of non-generic, possibly offensive to someone who doesn’t really want them, gifts. The whole idea is that if you give this gift to the right person, that person will be touched beyond belief. But if you use it as a generic gift, you will probably run into trouble.

1. The Story of Chickenman – The people who love Chickenman really love Chickenman. And anyone who doesn’t love Chickenman will probably not be happy with a 14 CD, 273 episode collection of his adventures.

2. TV B Gone – This is a universal remote with only one button – Off. For people who hate TV in public places or just people who want to cause mischief at the local Best Buy or Circuit City. People who love TV won’t understand the point of the device.

3. Innocence & Despair: The Langley Schools Music Project – So there was this music teacher who tried an innovative way of teaching choir where the students just had to make noise and didn’t have to worry about such petty details like tempo and pitch. And then he recorded it. So anyone who is interested in educational theory and children singing off key, this is the album for you.

4. Men, Women, and Chain Saws: Gender in the Modern Horror Film – For the intellectual feminist horror fan in your life, here is a book that doesn’t focus solely on Buffy the Vampire Slayer in a vain attempt to intellectually justify a creepy Sarah Michelle Gellar fascination.

5. Recovers by Yat-Kha – Tuvan throat singing of your favorite songs. People who love the songs might hate the sound of Tuvan throat singing and people who love Tuvan throat singing might hate these commercial sell-outs, Yat-Kha. It takes a very special person to love both Tuvan throat singing covers.

6. Marantz PMD670 Solid-State Recorder – For a very special person, a portable, solid-state recorder with XLR inputs is a joy to behold. For everyone else, it is a very expensive paperweight.

7. Hollerin’ – The winners of the 1975 hollerin contest in Spivey, North Carolina made an album of pig calls and other assorted hollers. For the hollerin’ enthusiast in your life.

8. XKCD T-Shirt – There is nothing like making an admittedly very funny programming joke and then placing it on a T-Shirt so the wearer will be forced to explain the joke to every single person who reads it.




9. Ubuntu – “Hey, I thought you would enjoy this free UNIX operating system, you know, for your laptop or old computer or something. It fits on a CD.”
“Um… I guess that’s kind of awesome.”

10. A Morse Code watch - For that special person who loves telling time in Morse code.

Bonus! A bag of hops – Home brewers cannot get enough of this. To non-homebrewers, it is… just a bag of hops.

Blog Post to Hide the Previous Blog Post

I know my mom reads this blog, so I'm creating this post just to move the post with the cussin' down a level.

Oh, look, a really fun internet video thing!

My New Respect for Profanity

Here's a little secret about me - I'm incredibly classist as far as profanity is concerned. If you use profanity around me, I will associate you with the lower classes. Cuss words got their start on the streets and in the rural communities and I think that is where they should stay - they were rude words for rude functions and rude objects. Yes, there is a rough poetry in them, but it is like making sculpture out of waste material - you do the best you do with the limited qualities of what you have and as soon as you get something better you switch to it.

Educated people, people with more opportunity and a greater propensity for a larger vocabulary have more words for more situations. They don't need to rely on the overused seven or eight four-letter street words from the gutter to get their point across. They have better words.

That is why it always struck me as hilarious when writers (especially screenwriters) would cuss up a storm (I am talking to you, Creative Screenwriting Podcast). They have an unlimited word palate, yet insist on sticking to a limited set of words that barely make up a handful. Are they serious? Are we supposed to respect them for saying fuckity fuck fuck every two sentences? Are we supposed to think this makes them more street? More gangsta? Cooler than anyone else? More working class?

Seriously, can you imagine a CEO of a start-up going to meeting of potential investors and saying, "I got my monkey ass to Harvard and got my fucking MBA from some cockmonkey professors who really had their shit together. Would you mind writing a two million dollar check to invest in my kick ass company so I can start making bitches out of my customers?" Now pretend you are a writer trying to get someone to invest in your film and you selling point is the phrase "Tom-fucking-Cruise and Stephen-fucking-Spielberg." Seriously, writers, you come across looking like idiots, and then you have the gall to wonder why no one takes you seriously.

So that's my bias. When someone cusses around me, I usually think they're not intelligent or cultured enough to find the right word to fit the situation so instead rely on a crutch word of some sort. Plus it shows me that their mommas didn't raise them right.

But then I decided to take on the challenge of National Novel Writing Month - write a 50,000 word novel in a month.

I have just finished and submitted the novel to the word count validator and it approved of my work, bestowing on me this nice little graphic to put in my blog. This was an insane and stupid thing to do. November was a very busy month and squeezing in the time to eek out 50,000 words was almost too much.

My only saving grace was profanity. Thank heavens I have characters who like to cuss! Thank heavens there are these words left when I ran out of the right words! When the appropriate words dried up, when the most exquisite phrase filled with irony and insight wasn't available, there were these fix-alls.

When I was angry or upset, or, better yet, when a character was angry and upset (surprisingly, those two moods aligned themselves with a fierce regularity) there were the old tried and true cluster of four letter words there for me to use. And here's the awesome thing: If a character repeats the same word 100 times in a row just to bulk up your daily word quota (i.e. "Booger! Booger! Booger! Booger! etc.), it is considered shameless and stupid unless, of course, that character is cussing up a storm. In that case, it is called brilliant characterization. Such is the culture we live in.

So that's the big lesson learned from my novel-writing experience:

Sometimes it is fun to cuss.

That, and my mind is now goo.

So, the Wal-Mart opened at 5am, but I showed up at 5:15 am - what did the store look like?