INT. AL PACINO’S OFFICE
AL PACINO
Iam AL PACINO! Iamthe PRODUCER! Iamthe DIRECTOR! Iamthe WRITER! Iamthe STAR! Ispeakthefirsthalfofallofmysentencesreallyfast AND THEN SCREAM THE SECOND HALF! (turns to the camera and speaks in an overly sincere monotone) I consider it my sacred mission to bring Shakespeare to the common man.
INT. OXFORD PROFESSOR’S OFFICE
OXFORD PROFESSOR
Shakespeare is very important. (turns to the camera and speaks in monotone, as if reading cue cards) If only someone…. some… one… would bring Shakespeare to the common man.
INT. KENNETH BRANAGH’S OFFICE
KENNETH BRANAGH
Shakespeare is very important. (turns to the camera and speaks in monotone, as if reading cue cards) If only someone…. some… one… would bring Shakespeare to the common man.
AL PACINO
You think it would rock the entire world if I used this documentary on Shakespeare to act out Richard III with my actor buddies?
KENNETH BRANAGH
Ehhhh.
AL PACINO
That wasn’t really a question.
INT. REHEARSAL SPACE
KEVIN SPACEY
Wow. This is incredible! Who would have thought of bringing Shakespeare to the common man?
RANDOM CREWMAN
Only Al Pacino! He is the best! He is wonderful! He is a genius! No one, and I mean no one would ever possibly in a million years think of bringing Shakespeare to the common man!
AL PACINO
Promote that gaffer to assistant director and give him more screen time than anyone but me.
WINNONA RYDER
What am I doing here, again?
AL PACINO
HOO-HAAAAAA!
KEVIN SPACEY
Did Shakespeare actually make Richard III say HOO-HAAAA?
AL PACINO (to crew)
Kill the traitor.
COMMON MAN
I’m so glad this movie played only in art theaters and then got shelved in the documentary section of the video store, because now I'll never see it.
2 comments:
Ha! Now I really want to see it to see how bad it is!
No, you don't. We have to study it for our HSC :(
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