Too Much Time On My Hands: How I Spent my Colorado Vacation

To all of the three of you who expect this blog to be updated regularly, you might have noticed that I haven’t been posting for the past two or so weeks – even the embedded-video-that-doesn’t-really-count-as-a-post posts haven’t been popping up as often as they normally do.

There are a couple of reasons for this and they all boil down to me not having too much time on my hands.

It is good for me keep busy. I don’t spend as much money and fewer things blow up. Plus, I get to go on vacation.

Yes, not only did I get to go to Portland earlier this year, I also got to go with the Mrs. to Colorado.

How can I afford to go on two vacations? I sold a mountain. See? Here is a photo of me selling it.

The secret to good salesmanship is this – NEVER TAKE OFF YOUR HEADPHONES. As long as you are listening to happy music, you feel better. And if you feel better, you will give off a more positive impression. And giving off a positive impression means effective salesmanship. I would go into more detail, but you will need to attend my $99.95 half-day seminar to find out the incredible technique of my amazing Seven Steps to Selling Mountains (and Molehills) Method.

Colorado is a very beautiful state. I am genuinely surprised that it is possible to build anything there, because there is so much raw, wild, aggressive nature. It is easy to imagine going to bed one night and the next morning discovering that your front yard has been reclaimed by nature.

You think I'm joking, but one morning we went through a park with a paved walking path.

And the next morning, the mountains and scrub brush swallowed it whole!

In the struggle of Man vs. Nature, Man's only defense is the same one I used against my brother when we were younger - Man sits on Nature and calls it funny names.

Here is a photo of Man scaling up nature...

...and here is a photo of Man sitting on Nature, using the full force of his hefty buttocks and and saying, "I'm not getting up until you say that you are secretly in love with Arlene Moffit! Because I know you are! You are! You are! You are! MOFFIT LOVER! You're a MOFFIT LOVER!" Then Man bounces a little to drive the point home.

It wasn't all nature and hiking trails for us, though. We saw the famous Boulder Falls...

...and we also saw the truly incredible Air Force Academy Chapel.

The Air Force Academy Chapel has a Wednesday night Buddhist service which struck me as odd, because aren't Buddhists supposed to be pacifists? Why would they be in the ARMED SERVICES? This is yet another reason I marvel at the U.S. Armed Services, they can do these sort of things with a straight face and no one thinks it is ironic. Well, no one but me.

We ended our whirlwind tour of the state in Denver, where we got to see the spider bite on my cousin's arm. Her dad almost got on a plane to make sure it was ok, but we took this photo to prove to him that it was indeed NO BIG DEAL, and then we promptly forgot to email it to him that evening. Soooooo.... yeeeeah... That's why we're placing the photo on the blog about a week and a half later. So now eveyone knows the spider bite is NO BIG DEAL.