Every once in awhile I run into someone I haven't seen in a few years. I know they don't follow the blog or Twitter or Facebook or any of the other ways I talk about myself. And, as much as I like them and enjoy their company, I always feel a little like a doofus when talking to them.
The reason is that there are two story lines in any person's life at any given time - the day-to-day "these are my daily worries, issues, and problems" story and the big "this is an overview of my life" story.
I can tell a decent day-to-day story because every day something strange happens to me. For example, every day, someone I know announces to the internet that they are bored and every day I whisper to myself, "Set yourself on fire - that's pretty exciting." And then I feel guilty because if I actually said this to the bored person's face, they probably would end our friendship out of sheer boredom because they are so bored they could just die, but if they set themselves on fire, it doesn't really solve their terrible boredom problem as much as would entertain me.
Every day I have a pleasant exchange with someone on the job that I can later retell with me speaking normally and the other person talking in a funny voice. And every day, someone of dubious lineage does something stupid in traffic.
These stories I embellish and retell to the Mrs. every day when she asks how my day was. And sometimes I use puppets.
I have a problem, though, when I talk to people who I only see every couple of years. Conversations go something like this:
"So, what are you up to?"
"Don't you read my blog?"
Blank stare.
Pause.
"So... how are things?"
This is a tough conversation for me to have because I know I am going to be starting a conversation that will not be continued for another few years. If I talk about a particular health problem, I know I will have to revisit that topic long after that goiter is gone. And that is uncomfortable and socially awkward.
And the truth is that big things don't happen to me all that often. I got married once and plan on never doing that again. No kids. Just the job and the goofy hobbies. And who wants meet someone after about five years and hear about theories about the secret meanings in the 'Lost' TV show.
I have developed a professional "elevator pitch" for myself. The idea is that if you are stuck on an elevator with an executive, you have to 30 seconds to explain to that person why they should hire you and/or what you bring to the table.
I have decided to develop one of those for my personal life, just so I don't get stuck in socially awkward situations.
Let's try it out...
Things are great! We're still happily married. No kids, but we have Rock Band, so it is like we are still kids ourselves. I play guitar unless I have a few drinks, then I sing. Job is going great. I have to travel sometimes, but it is totally worth it because I love my company. I know you don't read blogs, but I have one of those. Yeah, the URL is some sort of alphabet soup, give me your email and I'll send it to you. I'm on Facebook. I write screenplays as a hobby, including a really bad bad one called "Zombie Prom Queen." I have a book coming out sometime soon. "Lost" is really about Buddhism. How are you?
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8 comments:
i like the elevator pitch. i really should work on one for myself. i have spent some time providing my parents an acceptable description for when their friends ask them what their kids are up to. my mom's gotten pretty good at it.
and then there's the time i flex flew and spent a long weekend in NM. First, I stopped off for an overnight visit with the grandmother. i had to take a call from some high maintenance client and ended up spending awhile "talking her down". This was years ago (2005) and i've long forgotten said client's name or even the details, but to this day she still asks about "that nasty woman" and I've found explaining that takes the bulk of the conversation (and therefore relieves the pressure of coming up with a current elevator spiel.)
Yes. I have certain people in my life who I know will ask about the same three or four topics even those events in my life are closed and have gone far away.
The elevator pitch idea came from years of Toastmasters. Since learning it there, I have heard it used on and off other places, all in relation to business. "So... what's your consulting company's elevator pitch?"
I recently talked to some relatives I have not seen since my grandfather's funeral (about five years ago). I found myself flummoxed at trying to sum up the last five years in five minutes. So we talked about television and sports.
That is so much better than what I tell people. I just say I'm super boring, but I'm really happy. The good thing about it is that it keeps people from asking anymore questions. I already warned them I was boring.
Mine always goes something along the lines of "working full time with (company)" to which they interrupt "still?" to which I answer with a sad nod and then "and going to school full time" to which they interrupt "still?" to which I answer with an equally sad nod. After that they're normally too sad for me to continue on about my reading habits and animals.
Churlita - Anyone who has done more than glance at your blog knows you are not boring. There is one person (not anyone in the comment area) in particular that came to mind when I wrote the paragraph about being bored. This person's FB statuses and Twitters all center around being bored or hating stupid people or being bored about being surrounded by stupid people that should be hated. That continually astounds me because this person is on the INTERNET, which is filled with more amusement than any other place in the world. It is too much like going to Disney World and complaining because the cotton candy isn't as sweet as you thought it would be.
Susan - If someone looks like they are about to throw you a little pity party, casually mention that you finally attained black belt and then sucker punch them. And you've done a lot to make my life a little bit more awesome.
This is the best paragraph:
I can tell a decent day-to-day story because every day something strange happens to me. For example, every day, someone I know announces to the internet that they are bored and every day I whisper to myself, "Set yourself on fire - that's pretty exciting." And then I feel guilty because if I actually said this to the bored person's face, they probably would end our friendship out of sheer boredom because they are so bored they could just die, but if they set themselves on fire, it doesn't really solve their terrible boredom problem as much as would entertain me.
It sort of encompasses life, and explains why everyone should have an anonymous blog.
I have loved scaring the crap out of people I haven't seen: Oh, got a divorce and bought a house. Jaws drop. Then I could hit them with 'oh, my cat died too'. and so on. But now that evil 2008 is over, damn, life has calmed down and I must create new excitement like cartwheels in the hallway.
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