Here is how it works. You hit the Shuffle button on your mp3 player. As each song comes up, you assign it to a scene in the film of your life. The order the songs are played dictate what scenes they are assigned to.
It seemed like a fun little idea, and would have probably been a lot more fun if I wasn’t so particular about both film and music. The first time through was nigh-painful; some of the songs were totally inappropriate for the moments they were supposed to dictate. It was terrible.
So, because I don’t believe in random events dictating how the movie of my life will turn out, I did it a second time. It turned out much, much better.
Here are the results from the two trials.
1st time through – My Life with the Crappy Score
Opening Credits
Bum Breath by Oli Clifford (from www.oliclifford.co.uk)
I seriously don’t know how this got on my iPod. Surprisingly enough, it does have an “opening credits” feel to it, though. My life must be a quirky, romantic comedy.
Waking Up
Hag by The Breeders (from Last Splash)
The first impulse to fudge the results of this experiment happens now. This doesn’t really fit a waking up feeling. I try to look at the bright side. There is a repetitive dream-like quality to this song that is similar to waking up, but this doesn’t work like the opening credits song. Maybe if I just used the nice instrumental bridge on the soundtrack that would work. Maybe.
First Day At School
Alleluia II: Ascendens cristus by Anonymous 4 (from 1000: A Mass for the End of Time)
Oddly appropriate. There is something magic and wonderful, yet a little bit sad about this song. It can be paired with something nostalgic (like the first game of Duck Duck Goose – giggling children scampering in slow motion, of course) or it can be paired with something relating to the loss of innocence (first bully punching you or the time the big fifth grader pulled all the Kindergarteners aside and told them what the middle finger meant – what can I say? I went to school in Louisiana). This is a little nicer. A bit of a challenge, but it is nicer.
Falling In Love
Hip Hop is Dead by Nas featuring Will.I.Am (from Hip Hop is Dead)
On first listen, especially after the previous song, this doesn’t seem like a good fit. But after a moment of reflection, I can totally see a falling-in-love montage set to this music. It is rhythmic and focuses on the beat (like… well, like EVERY HIP HOP SONG EVER). And, if you can get past the chorus of “She’s de-e-e-a-a-d!” it does have a young, adolescent love feeling to it with the lyrics, “If Hip Hop should die, we die together.”
Fight Song
Go (Voodoo Child Mix) by Moby (from Go:The Collected Mixes)
Seriously, I hear this song as more of a prepping for a fight song than an actual fight song. It just seems more suited to stretching or picking out the right bandana or jumping rope. If it were to score the actual fight sequence, it would be a total Sissy Fight.
UNLESS, of course, the fight was a flame war on an listserv or a bulletin board. In that case, it would fit perfectly, as I type away, point to the screen, and yell, “Booyeah!” and “In your face, Monkey_D-1138!”
Breaking Up
Three-Dee Melodie by Stereolab (from Mars Audiac Quintetso)
The image that comes to mind is someone sitting completely still while staring at a freshly poured cup of black, heartless coffee. Not very exciting cinema.
Prom
Close Your Eyes (Idiotech remix) by chemicalbrothersremixed.com (from Flip the Switch)
Apparently, in this movie, my prom is a whole heck of a lot cooler than it was in real life. In real life, we listened to our Economics teacher’s band play Rolling Stones covers. In between sets, someone played a series of Garth Brooks songs. You can’t really mosh to Garth Brooks. Whatever happened to that guy, anyway? Is he a real estate agent or a mall security guard yet?
Life
Poor Man’s Falls by The Asteriod#4 (from International Pop Overthrow, Vol. 4)
Acoustic guitar and flute punctuate this happy-go-lucky, folksy song about someone who “in a rusted ol’ prison cell, he nearly lost his mind". Considering the next song is going to score the Mental Breakdown song I find this another eerily good match.
Mental Breakdown
Wait ‘ Till You See Him (De-Phazz remix) by Ella Fitzgerald (from Verve Remixed)
Not a good fit, really. The best I can come up with is a nice little drinking montage where I hand the bartender money and get handed something dark and whisky-levels of dangerous looking. Then I make some sort of “hand it over” gesture, after which the bartender puts a giant scoop of cherries and a paper umbrella into the drink.
Driving
Someday (You’ll Want me to Want You) by Patsy Cline (from The Last Sessions – Disc 4 of the Patsy Cline Box Set)
I am of the belief that Patsy Cline is good for every occasion. This song is a perfect example of something that can fit easily in the Driving section of the movie, the Mental Breakdown session, and a slow motion falling-in-love close dance sequence.
Flashback
Golden Slumbers by The Beatles (from Abbey Road)
Apparently, I flashback to a time before I was born.
Getting Back Together
Mickey’s Monkey by The Miracles (Hitsville USA, The Mowtown Singles Colelction)
PERFECT SONG for this moment. There is so much joy and exuberance in this song you almost forget it is about a really embarrassing dance move. For once, this is exercise works.
Wedding
Nail by the Sugarcubes (from Here Today, Tomorrow, Next Week!)
Sure. This sort of fits. The lyrics are completely incomprehensible but the music is fun and poppy in a B-52s sort of way. And there is that nice little break where Einear has a long, drawn out scream. Oh, wait. He did that in every Sugarcubes song.
Birth of Child
I Palindrome I by They Might Be Giants (from Apollo 18)
This is the moment when I cried out for a do-over. Out of all the songs on this list, this is the worst. I like this song, and I really like the way TMBG continually mashes painfully dreary lyrics up against the most fun music, but to score the birth of a child with a song about matricide and euthanasia goes into a realm of bad taste that doesn’t make me happy. Maybe it is just the phase of life I am in right now, but I deem this unacceptable.
Final Battle
Chapter 04 from The Two Towers Audiobook. Pippen and Merry meet Treebeard. Um… ok… I’m not going to count this one, even though the line “Night Lies over Eisenguard” resonates quite well in a Final Battle sort of way. Since this entire soundtrack is going to be done over, I can skip one track.
The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill by The Beatles (from The White Album)
Ok, this is better. My final battle is not overly dramatic, but instead is goofy fun that was clearly inspired by Yoko Ono and copious amounts of drugs.
Death Scene
Moonglow (Hudson-Delane-Mills) by Various Artists (from Cocktail Piano Romance)
Apparently, there is going to be a nice little jazz reception for me in Heaven.
Funeral Song
Chanukah Under the Stars by Fountains of Wayne (from Out-of-State Plates Disc 2)
I hope I don’t die in Spring or Summer because if they wait until December to bury me, I will be quite put out.
End Credits
Now it Can be Told by Ella Fitzgerald (from The Best of the Song Books: The Ballads)
This is perfect. After looking over this list, I don’t want this movie made until long after I’m gone. Now it can be told, indeed.
My Life: The Do Over Version
Opening Credits
One for My Baby (and One More for the Road) by Esquivel (from More of Other Worlds, Other Sounds)
Esquivel is like Patsy Cline in the way that the music is both distinct and universal. This song can score practically anything. I approve.
Waking Up
Can’t Take it With You by The Alan Parsons Project (from the Definitive Collection)
I like this one better, too.
First Day At School
Only in 3’s by The Breeders (from Pod)
This song evokes finger painting, although I think of that as more of a 1st grade event.
Falling In Love
Quintet in E flat, KV453 by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
Mozart is capable of anything. I approve of this.
Fight Song
Strange by R.E.M. (from Document)
I can just hear the jukebox belt out this tune when someone named Lefty or Dusty challenges me over the honor of some floozie named Lola. I’ll grit my teeth and go, “Them’s fightin’ words.” And they shall tremble at my superior, Eastwood-like acting ability.
Breaking Up
Es schlagt der Rache Stunde! (from Beethoven’s Fidelio)
I think part of the reason I’m happier with this set of songs is due to the fact that there is more classical music in the mix. Although my German is a little rusty, I do believe the name of this song translates to approximately, "I can't believe its not strudel!" Truly, this break up is the stuff of legend.
Prom
La La Love You by the Pixies (from Doolittle)
This is veeery close to how I wanted my prom to be scored. Instead I was confronted with the UnMoshable Garth Brooks.
Life
Two People by Hub (from the Book of Life soundtrack)
If I were single, I probably would agree wholeheartedly with this song. As it is, I am happily married – so happily that other married couples secretly wish children on us. This song is not a great fit, but it is still better than the song in the previous random song shuffle.
Mental Breakdown
My Man’s Gone Now by Ella Fitzgerald (from the Complete Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armtrong)
Apparently, I have a mental breakdown while watching Porgy and Bess. Hopefully, this mental breakdown isn’t as bad as the person who was crazy enough to name another living being “Porgy.”
Driving
Hearing Aid by They Might Be Giants (from Flood)
Ok. This is a decent use of a They Might Be Giants song. And I have listened to it while driving.
Flashback
Vampires by Paul Simon (from Songs from the Capeman)
I can see it now - I flash back to when I was in a Latino street gang, prowling the streets of New York, singing something vaguely world beatish. This is my repressed childhood memory and now that the truth has come out, I can cry, hug my therapist, and move on.
Getting Back Together
I Hear Music by Ella Fitzgerald (from Verve Jazz Masters vol. 6)
Although this doesn’t have the sheer exuberance of Mickey’s Monkey it works on a deeper, more serious level.
Wedding
Since You’ve Been Gone (Sweet Sweet Baby) by Aretha Franklin (from Queen of Soul – The Atlantic Recordings)
If we lived in a perfect world, Aretha Franklin would sing at everyone’s wedding. Somehow the blessing of Aretha would make our love stronger and our lives a little more soulful. Plus, she could help out if there was any leftover cake.
Birth of Child
Cloudy by Simon and Garfunkel (from Collected Works: Disc 2)
I complained about a song being too dark for this event, so I really shouldn’t complain about this overdose of whimsy, right?
Final Battle
Good Enough to Keep (Air Mail Special) by Charlie Christian & The Benny Goodman Orchestra (from Genius of Electric Guitar – Disc 2)
My final battle must be with Kenny G because I would totally kick him in the patootie and reclaim the word “jazz” from his twisted lexicon, wresting it away from his smooth noodling and reassociating it with some really amazing orchestral work that just swings.
Death Scene
Sad Without You by Hansom Pilot (from International Pop Overthrow Vol. 8 Disc 2)
At this point, I am pleasantly surprised at how well my little iPod decided to cooperate with the assignment. This song fits lyrically, although the music is a little too cheery for death.
Funeral Song
Legend in My Spare Time by The Bloodhound Gang (from Use Your Fingers)
My wife and I have conversations where I tell her I want to have The Bloodhound Gang played at my funeral, and she says stuff like, “Over my dead body!” Marriage is a continual lesson in negotiation.
End Credits
Z3 – No.3 Arie: Ruhe sanft, mein holdes Leben (from Zaide – Der Schauspieldirektor Disc 1)
More classical music. When you leave the theater, it is light-hearted enough to uplift the spirit, but serious enough to let you know you’re dealing with a work of ART, man. A. Work. Of. Art!
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