A Terrible Waste of Everyone's Time

I get a lot of bad ideas. Unlike most people, I nurture these bad ideas and then dump them on this blog.

I was up past midnight a few nights ago when a phenomenally bad idea struck me.

What if Rick Springfield was a Smurf?





In case you don't know, Rick Springfield is a musician primarily known for the rock anthem dedicated to envy and lust, "Jessie's Girl."

The Smurfs were a cartoon where each Smurf had a single defining characteristic which was part of his name (e.g. Brainy Smurf, Farmer Smurf, Hefty Smurf etc.). There was only one female Smurf (Smurfette) and she didn't date anyone because the other Smurfs got jealous.

So instead of being jealous of a relationship, Rick Springfield Smurf would have to be jealous of another Smurf. And, quite possibly, Rick Springfield Smurf would want to simultaneously want to love this Smurf and kill this Smurf and take his place.

And so Rick Springfield Smurf would write this song:

Jokey Smurf

By Rick Springfield Smurf



Jokey is a Smurf,
Yeah, you know he's been a good Smurf of mine.
But lately something's changed
That ain't hard to define
Jokey has an attitude that really should be mine.
And he's always got a surprise.
But is is really a bomb
I just know it.
And he never has a dark depressing night.

You know I wish that I was Jokey Smurf.
I wish that I was Jokey Smurf.
Why can't I be a Smurf like that?



I play along with the charade,
there doesn't seem to be a reason to change
You know, I feel so dirty
When he starts acting cute
I wanna secretly take his place,
But the point is probably moot
'Cos he's always got a surprise
But is is really a bomb
I just know it
And he never has a dark depressing night.

That Jokey Smurf,
I wish that I was Jokey Smurf.
Why can't I be a Smurf?
Why can't I be a Smurf like that?

And I'm lookin' in the mirror all the time,
Wondering what the Smurfs don't see in me
I've been funny,
I've been cool with the lines
Ain't that the way
Smurfs're supposed to be
Tell me, why can't I be a Smurf like that?

[Solo]

You know, I wish that I was Jokey Smurf,
I wish that I was Jokey Smurf
I hate Jokey Smurf,
Why can't I be a Smurf like that, like
Jokey Smurf,
I wish that I was Jokey Smurf,
I want,
I want Jokey Smurf.