Day 20 of 30 - A hobby of yours

Screenwriting!

I have several scripts as well as some pleasant inquiries from producers. I am also on the board of the Dallas Screenwriters Association. For what I consider a reasonable fee, I can review your script and give notes. For an even larger, yet reasonable fee, I can help you write your script.

I also have a book of screenplays available here.

10 Ways for a Screenwriter to Procrastinate

Now comes the time of year when I double-dip. There are a lot of things going on right now - the end of the semester, the looming holiday, etc. And, as much as I hate to say it, this blog will be neglected like that irritating guy in the office probably was when he was a child.

With that in mind, I am placing on the blog an article written for another publication.

As some of you know, I am on the board of the Dallas Screenwriters Association. One of the benefits of being on the board is that I get to write an article for every DSA newsletter about whatever the heck I want to write about. So here is the article I am submitting. When it appears in the newsletter, it will be edited and refined into something sweet and dainty. But for now, I present it in the raw, crude form.

10 Ways for a Screenwriter to Procrastinate

The end of the year is a time to reflect on what you have accomplished and look forward to what you plan to do in the upcoming year. Being a writer, I tend to procrastinate more than the average person. But being a creative writer means that I can invent wild and wonderful ways to explain why my procrastination is really a productive use of my time. So instead of making a set of ten New Years resolutions, I am making a list of ten great ways to procrastinate.

1. Creative Screenwriting podcasts
Creative Screenwriting magazine is a great way to read interviews, script analysis, and industry news. The magazine also offers a series of downloadable audio interviews with prolific screenwriters like Charlie Kaufman, Paul Haggis, and the Coen Brothers. Senior Editor Jeff Goldsmith asks insightful, interesting, and entertaining questions.
http://creativescreenwritingmagazine.blogspot.com/

2. The Treatment Podcast / The Business Podcast / Martini Shot Podcast
KCRW is the Santa Monica-area public radio station, and they feature many radio shows (also available as free podcasts) that focus on the entertainment industry. While the radio station offers quite a bit, three shows in particular stand out head and shoulders above the rest.

The Treatment is a one-on-one conversation between host Elvis Mitchell and notable writers, directors, or actors.
http://www.kcrw.com/etc/programs/tt

The Business is a weekly summary of entertainment industry news as well as in-depth interviews on certain business aspects of the industry (for example, foreign sales, video on demand, etc.).
http://www.kcrw.com/etc/programs/tb

Martini Shot is a short, sweet, funny view of what it is like to be a working television comedy writer.
http://www.kcrw.com/etc/programs/ma

3. Self-reliant film / HD for Indies
For those of you who are passionate about digital film cameras and cinematography, or for those of you who want to your cinematographer about the latest tech toys, this is the website for you. Written by a group of working editors and cinematographers, it goes into great detail about the nuts and bolts of filmmaking. The Self-reliant film website focuses on all aspects of production from creation to distribution while the HD for Indies website focuses primarily on camera technology.
http://www.selfreliantfilm.com/
http://www.hdforindies.com/

4. Screenplays Wanted
While not updated nearly enough for my tastes, this is an aggregator blog for companies or organizations that are seeking open submissions for screenplays. Think of it as an open job board on the internet.
http://screenplayshollywood.blogspot.com/

5. LinkedIn
Part of being a writer is being a professional. And part of being a professional involves networking professionally. LinkedIn is a social networking website (like MySpace or Facebook) but it focuses strictly on business networking. Update your resume, connect with business partners, look for work, and recommend people with whom you have had positive working experiences on this website.
http://www.linkedin.com/

6. Trigger Street
Kevin Spacey’s pet website project is a place for people to upload their screenplays and have them evaluated by embittered, frustrated screenwriters. Ha! Just kidding. This website allows people to join, review screenplays, and upload their own screenplays for review. The advice is free, and sometimes is not the best quality. However, if a writer ever wants to go through an experience akin to getting notes from a studio, this is the place to go.
http://www.triggerstreet.com

7. By Ken Levine / Jane in Progress
Writers write, and some of them write blogs.
By Ken Levine is the blog of veteran television and comedy writer (as well as former DSA guest speaker) Ken Levine. Mr. Levine has written for such shows as M*A*S*H and Frasier.
http://kenlevine.blogspot.com/
Read about his trip to the DSA here:
http://kenlevine.blogspot.com/2007/08/live-large-think-big.html
Jane in Progress is the personal blog of Jane Espenson, former writer and producer of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and current staff writer for Battlestar Galactica. She has great advice about the craftsmanship of writing and she also lets you know what she had for lunch that day.
http://www.janeespenson.com/

8. The Simply Scripts website
This one is recommended with caution. Many of the scripts offered by the website are not scripts at all, but instead transcripts of the film (dialogue only, no stage directions). It also hosts a series of unproduced screenplays. However, if you sift through all of that, there are some legitimate screenplays available for download. If a writer uploads earlier, rejected draft on a personal website or if a studio releases copies of the screenplay to the public in hopes that it will generate Oscar buzz, the Simply Scripts website links to it.
http://www.simplyscripts.com/

9. The Graveyard Shift
For those of you who are fascinated by police dramas and police procedurals, this website, run by a retired police officer, gives insight into the details of what it is like to work on a police force. Learn about fingerprinting techniques and how CSI labs really work.
http://www.leelofland.com/wordpress

10. Hulu
Now that you have been productive on the internet for a few hours, take some time to watch some free television and film on the internet. Remember, when you watch six episodes of 30 Rock, it is not goofing off, it is research.
http://www.hulu.com/

Promotional Feedback

In my profession, the work is either feast or famine. There are weeks on end where I put in 60 to 80 hours and develop amusing little facial tics, and there are weeks where I show up for 32 to 35 hours and act as a security blanket for my managers.

The last couple of weeks were a time of feast and now we are hitting a week-to-two time of famine. This is my opportunity to catch up on sleep and maybe write something on the ol' blog.

The first thing I feel compelled to do is follow up on all of the shameless self promotion I did here last week.

The scene reading went even better than expected. The actors really sank teeth into their parts and knocked it out of the park (how's that for a mixed metaphor?). It is one thing to have voices in your head to tell you what to write; it is quite another to hear people lend their voices to the ones in your head, and do a better job than your brain does.

Afterwards, I had several people tell me that I needed to bring the next ten pages to the July 8th scene reading because everyone wants to know what happens next. It made me feel all warm and gooey inside. Expect me at the scene readings for the next nine months (approx) so I can finish this screenplay.

I attended two sessions of the writer's workshop at the Trinity Arts Conference and presented two films (which you can read about here and here). I did not realize that there was a three-page limit for the writer's workshop and brought an eight-page short film screenplay for the workshop attendees to scrutinize. Fortunately, this blog entry from a few months ago counted as less than three pages. The other workshop attendees seemed to get a kick out of it and for the rest of the conference people kindly reminded me that meat is murder.

The film presentations went well, too. I wound up giving out this blog's URL to someone so he could read my introduction for one of the films, which was a little surprising and humbling. (I had to write it out, because, let's be honest, the blog's URL is an alphabet soup that is hard to remember.) PLUS someone was kind enough to ask me if I would be willing to speak to his screenwriting class in Houston sometime. That blew me away because most of my life people have been trying to keep me AWAY from impressionable young minds.

We had interesting discussions after the films, too. Some people were taken aback by the 1940sness of Sullivan's Travels - let's just say there is some racial humor in that film that is way uncool. (I forgive it because I believe the film it a relic of its time and we should accept it as such. Some people didn't share my opinion and that is perfectly fine.)

Afterwards I spoke to someone about how people from our grandparents' generation had no problems with cruel racial stereotypes but had issues with an occasional f-bomb, and how now the situation is reversed. "I wonder what people will hate about our generation years from now?" the person asked.

"Bet you anything it will involve Jim Carrey."

Almost Two Weeks!

I have gone almost two weeks since posting. What this usually means is that I do not have too much time on my hands. What with the video games and the web surfing and the loafing at the office and all, it is hard to piece together a few sentences and bad puns.

To make up for this, I am going to devote this entire blog post to explaining why I'm not posting as often. This can be interpreted as an extended whine, so if you aren't interested in nerdy white guys complaining, what are you doing on the internet?

(Also, for those of you who expect something on a regular basis from me, I would like to point you to my five-times-a-week blog WTFDVDs. It is not as awesome as this blog, but it is more consistent. Actually, that is a lie; it is just as awesome as this blog.)

At work, we are really putting in extra hours. There might be some interesting things happening, career-wise, but I am not counting chickens until they hatch. Anyway, I'm frightfully busy, and when I'm not busy, I am tired.

I want to write a full report about what a great time I had two weekends ago watching Iron Man and going to CAPE. However, the further in the past those events get, the less interested I am in writing about them.

Plus, sometime after CAPE, I read a book that takes place in Dallas, got angry because the author totally didn't "get" Dallas, and decided writing a book in response to that one just to set the record straight. It has got everything in it - a high murder rate, racial tensions, a large gay population, stadium construction, backroom politics, religion, traffic, and absurdly big hair - everything that Dallas is to me. I work on it during the painful parts of status meetings (which is why you should bring a notebook to those meetings!).

I also want to write a little about this past Mother's Day, which was awesome in every possible way. But, seriously, what is the interest in a "my-family-is-not-all-that-dysfunctional" story? I might as well rename this blog "The Happy Happy Fun Time Blog Where Nothing Goes Wrong Ever" and every person on the internet will hack and vandalize it just on general principle because I seem so darn smug.

I also want to write about the screenwriting contest I am entering. The Duke City Shootout short film contest ends on May 15th. The Final Draft Big Break contest ends on June 1st, and the AAA Screenwriting contest ends on June 28th. I am working my buttocks off getting material ready for those.

Plus, against all reason and common sense, I've decided to run for the board of the Dallas Screenwriter's Association. We shall see how that turns out.

Aaaaaand, that's about it for now. You may return to your regularly schedule web-surfing.

Scriptapalooza Entry - The Office: Guitar Heroes

So I finished up my spec script for the Scriptapalooza TV contest and am prepping to mail it before the October 15th deadline.

Like 95% of the people entering the contest, I decided to write a spec script for the most popular show on television, The Office.

Here it is.

If you are really interested in how I've progressed as a spec script writer, here is my entry to last year's contest.

I am also available for birthdays, bar/bas mitzvahs, and proms. Tip your waitresses, please.

The Office - Lost Dialogue Unrated Director's Cut Thing

My hobby is screenwriting, which can be a fun and inexpensive hobby if you work hard at it.

Because the film and television is so competitive, another new and entirely different industry has grown up around breaking into the film and television industry. If you say, “I want to be a screenwriter,” there are dozens and dozens of people who will tell you, “You can only be a screenwriter only if you pay me money so I can show you how it is done.”

If you do this, your fun and inexpensive hobby becomes a REALLY EXPENSIVE hobby. Plus the advice you get from people you pay isn’t always the best.

I was at a writing workshop one time and the person leading the discussion said, “You see on the table before me twenty books about how to have a successful career as a screenwriter. Out of all of these books, only one of them was written by a person with a successful career as a screenwriter.” It was true. The rest of the books were written by people who made a living writing books and conducting seminars on how to be a screenwriter.

But that is beside the point. Once you say, “I’m a screenwriter,” there are a million billion screenplay contests for you to enter.

Some of them are very fun but don’t have prizes, like this punchline contest by Ken Levine. (Actually, the real prize was his advice to aspiring writers, which he posted here.)

And some of the contest have thousands and thousands of dollars worth or prizes in the form of magazine subscriptions and discounts on their screenplay reading and reviewing services.

One of the screenwriting I like the most is the Scriptapalooza TV contest because they ask people to write scripts for existing television shows.

This has lead to a few awkward social situations. I remember talking about my script for Arrested Development where Gob decides to open a women’s clothing store, but all the clothes are the same size – the size of a woman whose proportions Gob considered attractive. That way, he could use the store to score.

Apparently, I got a little passionate about pitching to this guy because he responded to the whole thing by saying, “Dude, you really get into your fan fiction.”

Ugh. Hate to sound all snotty, but what I do is not fan fiction.

Here’s why:

1. Fan fiction is almost always bad. I like to think my stuff is not bad.
2. Fan fiction often ventures into the world of wish fulfillment, which makes it bad.
3. Fan fiction often ventures into the world of slash fiction (sexually explicit encounters between fictional characters) which tends to make it either bad or just creepy (I’m talking to you Harry Potter fans!).
4. I am not writing scripts to fulfill some creepy fan fantasy. I am writing to show that:
1. I know the formula of the television show in question.
2. If asked, I can follow the formula and do it with a flourish.
5. Do people really write fan fiction about The Office or Arrested Development? If so, why?

In the one book actually written by a person with a successful screenwriting career, he says that you need to watch out when making a script that focuses on a television guest star of some sort. It hurts the producer's feelings if you totally ignore their characters.

I secretly believe that guest stars in your script are secret indicators that they are fan fiction, so I don’t try to use them. All elements for a successful show (premise, cast, etc.) are part of the show’s formula. That's the theory, at least.

But all of that is beside the point. The point is that I’m in the middle of a script for The Office and I thought of a good dialog exchange that is perfectly in line with the tone/spirit of the show, but doesn’t fit in my script. So I thought I would post it on the blog. And all of the blah blah blah before this section is just over-hype and set up for four lines of naughty talk.

My parents are not allowed to read past this point, because of a naughty, yet literary, word I normally refer to as "hoo-haa."

Here is the Cut Scene from my Office Script that is not Fan Fiction:

Jan

We are not going to have this discussion, Michael

Michael

Come on. We’re not like that, Jan. We’re not the Vagina Monologues. We’re the Vagina Dialogs.

Dwight

(dawning realization) Then that would mean that you also have a-

Michael

Shut up, Dwight.

***
And if that wasn't funny enough for you, this is guaranteed to cause some laughs.