Why I Like Formulas

I can be a jerk sometimes when it comes to entertainment, because it is not enough for you to like the right movies and television shows, but you have to like them for the right reasons as well. (I am working on this, but it is hard.)

If you like don't like Pulp Fiction because it is a meditation on the American identity from a class and race perspective, ultimately drawing the conclusion that what makes us truly Americans is our shared love popular culture, and instead like the movie because it is freakin' cool how Bruce Willis chops The Gimp with a samurai sword, I will probably tell you I am not a big fan of Quentin Tarantino's work.

(Although, truth be told, I freakin' love Pulp Fiction because it is a mediation on the American identity from a class and race perspective, ultimately drawing the conclusion that what makes us truly Americans is our shared love of popular culture. And, ok, that samurai sword bit was kinda freakin' awesome, but only because it was SYMBOLIC.)



I am a horrible snob about some things and try to keep this in check. Sometimes it eeks out. For example, when someone dismisses a movie or television show because it is too formulaic, I go nuts.

My quip is usually a sarcastic, "Well, yeah. Because dramatic structure is never formulaic." Then I roll my eyes. Then I look down my nose. Then I point to their shirt and say, "You've got something right the- OOOOP!" and I flip their nose as soon as they begin to look down. Because that is the formulaic behavior of someone who is being a condescending jerk.

Formulas are great. No one should complain about something being formulaic because the fundamentals of storytelling can be distilled into simple formulas. Three Act Structure. Five Act Structure. Boy Meets Girl, Boy Loses Girl, but Boy Finds Girl Again and Girl Turns Out to be a Killer Robot from the Future. These stories have been with us since the Ancient Greeks and probably earlier. As long as Robot Girlfriends are going back in time, we will have formulas.



I can understand how someone might get perturbed because they understand the formula enough to predict what is going to happen thus destroying any sense of tension and drama, but the criticism should not be leveled at the formula, but the execution of the formula. People know how Romeo and Juliet is going to end, but that doesn't stop them from watching it again with different actors. Don't blame the structure, blame the interpretation.

For someone who aspires to be a creative writer in the mediums of film and/or television, it is important not only to respect formulas, but to be able to interact with them and make them your own. Understand the rules of this particular universe and add variables that are uniquely your own.

Of course, all of the blog post up to this point is a ruse to trick everyone into hearing me talk about things I have written.

To become a television writer, you have to write scripts for existing shows and add them to your portfolio. This shows agents and people who might hire you that you have a fundamental understanding of the characters, the expectations, and the limitations of the show. In other words, you show how well do you use the formula.

Because I am bored a lot and because I daydream about being an underpaid and overworked television writer, I have written two such scripts for my portfolio, an Arrested Development script and an Office script. I shall now pitch you the scripts and you can determine how closely I was able to adhere to the formulas for each show.

If you are not familiar with the shows, this is going to sound like utter gobbeldygook. However, if you have seen these shows, imagine how these ideas fit in with a typical episode. And if you think I missed the mark, feel free to tell me how. I won't be getting a job in the entertainment industry any time soon, so telling me I don't have a future in Los Angeles will not hurt my feelings.

Arrested Development - Gob wants money so he can open a woman's clothing store named Perfectly Fit. The idea is that there is only one size of clothing available, and it is GOB's idea of what a perfectly fit woman's proportions should be. Michael misinterprets an overheard conversation and thinks George Michael wants to become a male model. Michael agrees to fund Gob's venture if he hires George Michael as a male model. Buster has an uncomfortable moment in a men's room which leads to him getting a stalker.



The Office - The Friday before Labor Day, Michael has accidentally approved vacation for everyone, giving everyone the office (except him and Dwight) a four-day weekend. No one is there to attend the Labor Day party Michael was planning (this year's theme - "Going into Labor"). So Michael and Dwight go from house to house, telling people to come back into the office and have some fun before they have their now three-day weekend. Stanley tries to have a barbecue.



So there you go. Formulas in action! Thank you for your time.

Hollywood Pitch Fest II: The Sequel

Click Here for the First Hollywood Pitch Fest

“Imagine a black Wall Street executive. A Will Smith/Martin Lawrence/Jamie Foxx/Bernie Mac/Chris Rock/Eddie Murphy type. He is at the top of his game. He’s made it to the big time, but he’s still street.”

“He can command a board room, but still has a little hustle in him.”

“Exactly. He’s a career guy on his way up the corporate ladder. But then his company decides to open a branch office in Indiana and they decide he should head up this project.”

“Why would they want to open an office in Indiana?”

“I don’t know. Tax loophole or something. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that he gets transferred out to the country, where his fast-paced jive talkin’ city ways go up against the slow paced small town feel of the state.”

“A fish out of water story.”

“Right. But only for him. Because his wife and kids - they love the place! His wife becomes the head of some ladies social group. His son becomes a star basketball player. His daughter starts dating one of the most popular kids in school.”

“And it all drives him crazy.”

“Hilarity ensues. HIL. AR. IT. Y! It practically writes itself. And the best part is the name – Hoosier Daddy!??!”

“I smell box office.”

Hollywood Pitch Fest

“Ok. So there is this guy- An everyman – a Toby McGuire or Heath Ledger type. Just a normal guy. He packs up his wife and kid to go visit his Dad for Christmas. On the way there, his wife tells him she wants a divorce.”
“So it’s a drama.”
“We’re talking Best Picture family drama here. So he gets to his Dad’s house and sees his mom there. And he freaks out. Because his parents got a divorce 25 years ago when he was a kid. It was the single most traumatic experience in his life, and in some ways, he is still trying to get over it. So he’s got his own marriage falling apart while he sees his parents’ marriage miraculously rising from the ashes. So over the Christmas holiday everyone will talk and scream and cry and hug each other.”
“Interesting.”
“And here’s the kicker. We get Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep to play the parents. We don’t make any direct reference to that film where they got a divorce, but we do get…
“Emotional resonance.”
“That’s it. It is like we know them already. Like we know their story.”
“So it is like a sequel.”
“A quasi-sequel, yes.”
“I understand quasi-sequels are the next prequels.”
“Seriously, I have read this script a dozen times over and I promise you… Oscar buzz.”
“Do you think we could call it Kramer meets Kramer?”
“I don’t know. It might be a little too ‘cutesey’ for what I had in mind.”
“That reminds me of this thing I saw on YouTube. They edited in scenes of that guy from Seinfeld with Meryl Streep and made it look like they were getting a divorce. You know, like KRAMER vs. Kramer. Do you think Michael Richards is available for this project? He could play the son.”
“Uhhh… I-“
“You’re right. He might be a bit old for the part. Maybe the wacky uncle? Just to lighten things up a little. I mean, no one wants to see another dysfunctional family yell at each other through a Christmas setting. It is so… so…”
“Serious 1970s cinema?”
“I was thinking ‘cheap independent film cliché,’ but what you said works.”
“Some of the best films made the past decade came from independent cinema.”
“Tell me what you think. That instead of your Toby McGuire everyman son, what if we have a Will Farrell type as the son? Or a Jim Carrey? And instead of everyone sitting around talking about their feelings, what if the son decides he doesn’t want his parents to get back together and starts playing tricks on them to get them to split up again.”
“Like an anti-Parent Trap?”
“Yes. We can have you speeches and your soul-searching and your great actors, but we can have a few funny bits in it, too.”
“I don’t know.”
“People like to laugh. You can’t argue with that.”
“I suppose I can’t.”
“I like what you’ve done here, but if you can rework it a little, lighten it up, and make it funnier, we’ll talk then.”