One of the many, many, many reasons why I think cell phones are more of a nuisance than a benefit

Transcript of phone conversation last night:

Me: Greetings, Ms. Wonderifical!

The Missus: Hi! How was your plane ride?

Me: Not too bad. I think I might have caught something. The kid on the row in front of me had a cold and kept coughing and sneezing without covering his mouth. And all day today my throat has been kind of sore.

TM: You’re fading. I didn’t get anything after, “Not too bad.”

Me: (raising voice) I WAS SAYING THAT MY THROAT IS A LITTLE SORE. IT HURTS TO TALK.

TM: Yeah. Didn’t get that.

Me: (practically screaming) I AM NOT FEELING TOO HOT. IT HURTS TO TALK.

TM: What was that? You’re all crackling and staticy.

Me: (actually screaming) I HATE THIS PHONE. THIS IS THE THIRD CALL TODAY WHERE I’VE HAD TO SCREAM TO BE HEARD. THE PEOPLE IN THE HOTEL KEEP BANGING AGAINST MY WALL. I BET THEY THINK I’M SOME SORT OF PSYCHO LIKE JOHN GOODMAN IN THAT 'BARTON FINK' MOVIE. I JUST GOES INTO AN EMPTY HOTEL ROOM AND SCREAM AND SCREAM FOR HOURS ON END. THE NEXT KNOCK ON MY DOOR WILL NO DOUBT BE THE POLICE.

TM: I’m sorry, honey, but you’re not coming through at all. Do you want me to call back?

Me: WOULDN’T IT BE TRAGIC IF I HAD A HEART CONDITION NO ONE KNEW ABOUT AND ALL THE UNDUE STRESS FROM TALKING ON A CELL PHONE LET TO-

*sharp intake of air*

*silence*

*thudding noise*

TM: Hello? Hello? I think the call dropped.