Yet Another Reason I am not in Advertising

So this weekend, my wife bought a Prius.


I will have to admit, it is a pretty neat car. When you turn it on, the engine doesn't start - you just run on electricity until you reach a certain speed. Which means it is a very difficult car to lock yourself in a garage with, hoping to die of asphyxiation.

Morbid thoughts like this happen to me all the time. But usually the follow-up thought is pretty interesting. For example, my follow-up thought to this was, "Hey! That would make a great commercial!"

Just imagine...

A sad sack of a guy shuffles through his house, his limp hand drops a note. The camera zooms in on the note, revealing, in beautiful cursive penmanship, that his One True Love has found someone else.

The guy shuffles into his garage, closes his eyes, and starts his car.

Time passes.

Nothing happens.

Time passes some more.

Nothing happens.

Out of frustration, the man rests his head on the steering wheel. Immediately, the car radio springs to life, belting out, "It's a Sunshine Day" by the Brady Bunch.

The garage door rises, filling the air with light.

An announces coos, "Things are looking up. The new Prius."

Aaaand now you see why I didn't pursue a career in advertising.

A not safe for kids/work post about art and commerce from the Dallas AFI Film Festival

Another Commecial Idea

Advertisers! Feel free to use this idea for your 30-second commercial spot!

Overhead shot of someone sleeping in bed.

Narrator:
Are you one of the millions of Americans who suffer from automatic arm syndrome?

An alarm clock goes off. Without waking up, the person in the bed shoots out his/her arm, whacking the clock and stopping the noise.

Narrator:
Well, now there is a cure.

Insert product. Insert product pitch. Insert narrator reading ad copy.

Shot of person sleeping in bed with the camera at eye level. Behind them the alarm clock clearly reads “9:48.”

Narrator:
You need [product name]… Because your boss doesn’t think automatic arm syndrome is a good excuse.

The person in bed opens his/her eyes wide in a full-on panic.