Day 15 of 30 - A fanfic

"Don Vito Corleone isn't an issue anymore. He's an old man. He's weak."

"Which is why we need to take him out now. Don Vito is vulnerable."

"Even if I agree with your logic, which I don't, what would be your brilliant plan?"

"Poisoned orange peels."

"What?"

"We put some poison in the orange peels. He pops them in his mouth and - BOOM! - the man keels over."

"Why the hell would a man like Vito ever put orange peels in his mouth?"

"Are you kidding me? What old man doesn't love putting orange peels in his mouth? He has grandkids."

"Grandkids?"

"You know. To chase around in the garden."

"With orange peels in your mouth?"

"Exactly."

"Ok, let's pretend your poison orange peel plan works, which is a real stretch of my imagination. Who could do it?"

"There is only one man who could pull it off. He's what you would call a specialist. He makes good food deadly."

"You don't mean..."

"Get me Chef Boyardee."

Day 14 of 30 - A non-fictional book

I spend more time reading non-fiction than fiction books. Since I married a wonderful person, I have been reading more business books than I ever thought possible. Two books that are the cornerstone of my professional life are The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and Flawless Consulting: A Guide to Getting Your Expertise Used. I recommend these two books to anyone who is unsatisfied with his/her career.

But that is not what I want to talk about. My current favorite non-fiction book is How Not to Make a Short Film: Secrets from a Sundance Programmer. This book is filled with practical advice for the filmmaker. It is a great companion book to a certain 26 Short Screenplays for Independent Filmmakers. It is insightful and funny, and you get a good sense of the author as a creative person instead of a faceless automoton barking orders on how to be creative.



Roberto Munroe has made a few short films and has programmed a few film festivals. She knows what she is talking about and doesn't mince words. This is the type of book I love love love.

Day 13 of 30 - A fictional book

Here is the current book I am reading (and loving!):

The Savage Detectives by Roberto Bolaño


I haven't finished this book yet, and am only about halfway through. However, from what I have read so far is very impressive in terms of craftsmanship and ambition. It is supposed to document an entire South American literary movement known as "visceral realism." The first section is a series of journal entries from a visceral realist poet, but the second section is where it goes off the deep end in an amazing and wonderful way.

The second section of the book is a collage of newspaper articles, academic journal entries, correspondence, and interviews all intended to document the entire visceral realist movement. This literary collage jumps from author to author, each with a different intent and voice. It is incredibly ambitious and could fall flat in many places. Surprisingly, it does not, and gets even more compelling as I read further.

A cursory glance of the Amazon reviews show that people either love or hate this book - there are almost as many five-star reviews as one-star reviews. I can understand this - the book contains a story that could only take the form of literature. This is a celebration of life and language and the way great words shape and influence our lives.

Day 12 of 30 - Blogger's Choice

Another rant, this time about comics. Apologies in advance.

So I read Wolverine: Old Man Logan on the recommendation of the Alter Ego Comics podcast. Most of the time, their recommendations are pretty solid, but this book is the personification of everything I dislike about current super hero comics.


Specifically, I did not like the following:

The In-Jokey Nature of the Entire Story

To put it blintly, the over-dependence on backstory is ridiculous.

So many of current comics reward and praise their extremely core audience (or, as I call them, The Super Fans!) often at the expense of the new reader. So many moments of this story make no sense unless you have been actively reading Marvel comics for the past ten? twenty? years. You have to come to the story with an encyclopedic knowledge of the characters and the relationships for the story to have any emotional impact whatsoever. The story itself does not draw in you in, but instead expects you to bring your own emotional baggage to the table to be manipulated.

One of the exchanges that leaps to mind is the exchange between Emma Frost and Old Man Logan. Unless you have been reading X-Men comics and know about Emma Frost, Logan, and their relationship, the drama of the moment makes no sense.

If this were a movie, this is the point where every casual viewer leans over to the hardcore fan and whispers, "Who is that lady and why is she so mad?" The book needs annotations for the uninitiated, and when the narrative drive and emotional context exists only in the footnotes and annotations, that spells real trouble for a storyteller.

The Rampant Mysogony

During the course of the story we see the following female characters (and the story's attitude towards them).

Maureen, Logan's hard-working sturdy pioneer woman/wife (Saint) who's main purpose seems to be becoming a martyr so Logan breaks his vow of pacifism. She is such an underdeveloped character, she barely merits a name. I am sure most people who read this won't remember her name is Maureen, just that she is Logan's wife.



Hawkeye's damsel-in-distress daughter who desperately needs to be rescued (Saint)...



...but then turns out to be a major villian (Whore).



Emma Frost, a traitor who everyone hates (Whore).



And, uh... that seems to be it. Three women, no real characterization, and the attitude towards them is either one of extreme idealistic love or extreme hate. Plus, they are all defined by their relationship to men. Even Emma Frost, who was a fairly independent character in other comics, is now primarily defined by her marriage to Dr. Doom.

The Non-Conclusion Conclusion

The story ends with Logan walking off into the sunset, wandering the earth looking for adventures. This is not a satisfactory ending, but instead a set-up for an ongoing story. This is the ending of a television pilot, not a satisfactory ending of a solid book. So you have a story without a real beginning (because the beginning is really the backstory) and without a real ending (because this is just a set-up for another story).

Yep. This is not enjoyable or satisfying at all.

The Over-Reliance on Cultural Stereotypes
Comics are not realistic; they simplify and streamline. They also traffic in stereotypes to convey a meaning. Great comic creators are aware of this and use this aspect of the medium to their advantage.

However, in the hands of a reckless artist, this can be incredibly offensive. I am thinking of the conclusion where Wolverine confronts the most horrible evil ever known to man, the cousin-screwing redneck.



My personal convictions don't favor a grand concluding statement expressing that the best way to approach the poor and uneducated is with a good ass-whoopin'. Seriously? This is heroic? I was disappointed to see that the story concludes with the violent smackdown of a one-dimensional idiot and his even more one-dimensional inbred idiot children.

I just didn't care.

***

The ultimate praise I can give a comic is that I pass it along to someone else, telling them, "Oh man, you GOTTA read this!" This is one of those comics I am afraid to show someone else, because the inevitable response will be "You... like this?"

This is not my desired response.

***

Having said all of that, I will say the comic gave me some rare and fleeting moments of pure nerd joy. I am talking specifically about this panel:



This is a picture of dinosaur with alien skin.

I repeat.

A dinosaur with alien skin.

Oh my inner thirteen-year-old's brain just goggled at the possibilities of that sentence. That is freakin' cool. Not cool enough for me to recommend this comic, but still, pretty freakin' cool.

There is a time and place for certain types of entertainment. I honestly wish I was in a place where artists were creating stories that I found engaging and I would, in turn, shower them with money. Right now, the super-hero comic market and I are in different places.

Day 11 of 30 - A photo of you taken recently

Day 10 of 30 - A photo of you taken over ten years ago

Day 9 of 30 - A photo you took

Day 8 of 30 - A photo that makes you angry/sad

Here's a rant about geek culture.

I am a super-geek in many ways, but I have never, NEVER understood the creepy slavery fetish that saturates Star Wars fandom.

Slavery is wrong. It is so wrong, we had a war about it. And yet... we're presenting it as something fun and a little goofy. I just don't get it.

Every year I see dozens of ComicCon photos that look like this. I never see any African-Americans in these pictures, and I have yet to hear or read what I consider a defensible position of the phenomenon. (And "Dude, she is hot," is not what I would consider a defensible position.)

I am all for bikinis and I am all for dressing up as Star Wars characters, but this is wrong and not even close to being erotic or fun.

So... yeah. One of my rants.

Day 7 of 30 - A photo that makes you happy

Day 6 of 30 - Blogger's Choice

So the hospital where we had our kiddo required new parenting classes. While I was travelling for work, the Mrs. went to one of the classes alone and didn't like it. At all. Suddenly, there was an edict and I had to attend all of the classes with her.

In one sense, I become a total guy about these things. I am not the one giving birth, so why should I be the one going to the classes? And what could the classes tell me that I couldn't find on the internet for free, right?

But then I started attending the classes, and totally understood.

You see, there is this little portion of the class where they talk about the procedure known as an episiotomy. (Seriously, don't click that link.)

The nurse who was giving the presentation, who spent the entire class streaming through her PowerPoint slides at a rate of 24 frames a second, suddenly decided to stop one one rather graphic image, stop, and talk to the class for what seemed like 47 hours straight. The entire time, this image of a particularly painful incision seemed to pulse on the screen above her head.

No one was listening to her, but, believe me, everyone was paying attention.

The Mrs. felt a little distressed until I whispered to her, "Look around the room for a second."

She did. A whole room full of mommies-to-be stared at the image.

Half of them had this expression:



The other half had this one:



All of them, despite their pregnant bellies, managed to cross their legs.

The Mrs. began to laugh. And then I began to laugh. And all of a sudden, we became two snickering teenagers in the back of the classroom.

At that moment, the Mrs. whispered to me, "You are the only person who could make me laugh at a time like this."

Day 5 of 30 - Your favorite quote

Once again, a tough one for me to decide.

I will probably go with my dad, who gave me this advice the night before my wedding.

"Every argument you will have is 10% what is going on now and 90% of what went on before."

Day 4 of 30 - Your favorite book

I do not read nearly as much as I used to, although I am quite fond of the audiobook. Probably the book I have read and reread more than any other has been the Bible, but I don't think that would be a satisfying answer to the 'Your Favorite Book' question because it is too trite and obvious.

At times I have gone through phases where I read the complete works of Stephen King, Kurt Vonnegut, Mark Vonnegut, Clive Barker, John Irving, Joe Hill, Neil Gaiman, Neil Postman, and Walker Percy. I am a big fan of 'Confederacy of Dunces' as well. I am one of those obnoxious people who completely adore '7 Habits of Highly Effective People' and I have to admit that most of my reading over the past five years or so has been limited to non-fiction. (I also have lots of love for 'Flawless Consulting' - seriously, that book helps me every day.)

However, I am going to dodge all of these books and just say that my favorite book is the one I wrote - '26 Short Screenplays for Independent Filmmakers.'



I love this book, even going as far as to write a five-star review of it on Amazon. It makes a good Christmas present. It makes a good birthday present. By just putting it on your bookshelf, you become more interesting. People will think you are an independent filmmaker and will treat you with awe and respect. The Sundance Film festival might just call you to say, "Hey." You never know what will happen when you buy the book.

Day 3 of 30 - Your favorite television program

I completely understand why many people hate television. Where movies are about telling a story that satisfies a person with a solid beginning, middle, and end, television shows have a strong beginning, intriguing complications, and... no real ending.

Traditionally, television is designed not to provide a satisfying conclusion, but rather to perpetuate watching. Each act break builds to generate interest to engage the viewer and then the viewer is presented with... a message from our sponsors.

The shows I gravitate towards are the ones that don't have commercial breaks, whether they be from other countries or on cable (the BBC version of 'The Office,' HBO offerings, etc.), or the ones that don't require sustained viewing (like 'The Twilight Zone' or 'The Carol Burnett Show'). The standard template for shows draws me out of them. (I think that was one of the big problems with 'Arrested Development.' As much as I loved watching the show on DVD, when I tried to watch it on television, the commercial breaks made it fall flat.)

Having said all that, my current favorite television show is a Canadian show called 'Slings & Arrows.' It has just the right mixture of artistic ambition, inspiration, and humor to have me completely enthralled. Plus it is Canadian, so you can make a drinking game out of how many times people apologize.



The show is about a fictional Shakespeare Festival, and the difficulties that occur when they try to produce plays (Season 1 is 'Hamlet'; Season 2 is 'MacBeth'; and Season 3 is 'King Lear'). The show is smart, witty, and thoroughly engaging. And it also does a great job of showing how great literature can enter and affect our lives.

Without getting too esoteric or metaphorical, I am am always amazed at this wondrous gift of received culture and history. There are so many good stories that have been passed down to us, how can do anything except revel in them and have some fun?

Day 2 of 30 - Your favorite movie

Whenever anyone asks what my favorite movie of all time is, I always answer "Little Shop of Horrors."

I first saw that movie when I was thirteen, and it has just about everything a nerdy thirteen-year-old boy would want. The nerdy guy gets the girl. It has chopping up and singing. It has a gloriously insane Steve Martin. And did I mention the nerdy guy gets the girl?

Many times when I watch movies, I nitpick. I would have done this differently. I would have changed this camera angle or interpreted a character differently or used different music. The exact opposite happened when I saw "Little Shop of Horrors" for the first time. I wouldn't change a thing. Part of (maybe a lot of) that is just being a thirteen-year-old, I know, but I haven't had the same complete syncronicity with a film before or since (maybe with the possible exception of "The Muppet Movie").

Since then, I have really impressed with other films ("Vertigo" is a real stand-out) but I approach them as an adult. I don't completely lose myself over to them the way I did when I was younger.

For me "Little Shop of Horrors" is a great synthesis of stylized performances, set design, and musical numbers. It is a singular vision of one of my favorite stories - the Faustian legend.

Plus it has this song:

Day 1 of 30 - Your favorite song

Let's start off with a tough one. Songs are incredibly emotional and emotions, by their nature, are transient.

With that in mind, I can tell you my favorite song at this moment will not be my favorite song tomorrow or next week.

So, after a preamble like that, I must say I am incredibly fond of The Arcade Fire's "Wake Up."

In the classic sense of singing parts of the song without really understanding the lyrics, I hum a line from this song to my daughter almost every morning, "Children, wake up!" So now my kiddo thinks this song about regret and death is about jumping up and wiggling at the crack of dawn.

What originally hooked me on this song was a misheard lyric. The songs ends with the narrator/singer going on a rampage, culminating in the last line, "Better look out below."

When I first heard the song, I heard it as "Better look out for love." Which I think is a stronger single line from an angry narrator, warning others of the reckless abandon that accompanies true passion. However, now that I know all of the lyrics, I think the original line suits the song better.

The 30-Day Blog Challenge

Inspired by my pal R* and her amazing blog performance, I have decided to take the 30-day blog challenge. In case you aren't one of those ultra-cool bloggers in the know, here is the challenge.

The Posts:

Day 01 — Your favorite song
Day 02 — Your favorite movie
Day 03 — Your favorite television program
Day 04 — Your favorite book
Day 05 — Your favorite quote
Day 06 — Blogger's Choice
Day 07 — A photo that makes you happy
Day 08 — A photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 — A photo you took
Day 10 — A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 — A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 — Blogger's Choice
Day 13 — A fictional book
Day 14 — A non-fictional book
Day 15 — A fanfic
Day 16 — A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 — An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 — Blogger's Choice
Day 19 — A talent of yours
Day 20 — A hobby of yours
Day 21 — A recipe
Day 22 — A website
Day 23 — A YouTube video
Day 24 — Blogger's Choice
Day 25 — Your day, in great detail
Day 26 — Your week, in great detail
Day 27 — This month, in great detail
Day 28 — This year, in great detail
Day 29 — Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 — Blogger's Choice

Really funny/strange video

I found this hilarious.

From friends of friends. And by "of friends," I mean the Filmspotting podcast.

This is bad.... real bad....

I write like
Dan Brown

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Good-bye Lala! I will miss you...

The Book is on Amazon!

FYI after weeks of emailing and filling out forms and general wrangling, the book is now available on Amazon.com.
Here is the link.

And here is the photo of the book cover.