Every once in awhile I run into someone I haven't seen in a few years. I know they don't follow the blog or Twitter or Facebook or any of the other ways I talk about myself. And, as much as I like them and enjoy their company, I always feel a little like a doofus when talking to them.
The reason is that there are two story lines in any person's life at any given time - the day-to-day "these are my daily worries, issues, and problems" story and the big "this is an overview of my life" story.
I can tell a decent day-to-day story because every day something strange happens to me. For example, every day, someone I know announces to the internet that they are bored and every day I whisper to myself, "Set yourself on fire - that's pretty exciting." And then I feel guilty because if I actually said this to the bored person's face, they probably would end our friendship out of sheer boredom because they are so bored they could just die, but if they set themselves on fire, it doesn't really solve their terrible boredom problem as much as would entertain me.
Every day I have a pleasant exchange with someone on the job that I can later retell with me speaking normally and the other person talking in a funny voice. And every day, someone of dubious lineage does something stupid in traffic.
These stories I embellish and retell to the Mrs. every day when she asks how my day was. And sometimes I use puppets.
I have a problem, though, when I talk to people who I only see every couple of years. Conversations go something like this:
"So, what are you up to?"
"Don't you read my blog?"
Blank stare.
Pause.
"So... how are things?"
This is a tough conversation for me to have because I know I am going to be starting a conversation that will not be continued for another few years. If I talk about a particular health problem, I know I will have to revisit that topic long after that goiter is gone. And that is uncomfortable and socially awkward.
And the truth is that big things don't happen to me all that often. I got married once and plan on never doing that again. No kids. Just the job and the goofy hobbies. And who wants meet someone after about five years and hear about theories about the secret meanings in the 'Lost' TV show.
I have developed a professional "elevator pitch" for myself. The idea is that if you are stuck on an elevator with an executive, you have to 30 seconds to explain to that person why they should hire you and/or what you bring to the table.
I have decided to develop one of those for my personal life, just so I don't get stuck in socially awkward situations.
Let's try it out...
Things are great! We're still happily married. No kids, but we have Rock Band, so it is like we are still kids ourselves. I play guitar unless I have a few drinks, then I sing. Job is going great. I have to travel sometimes, but it is totally worth it because I love my company. I know you don't read blogs, but I have one of those. Yeah, the URL is some sort of alphabet soup, give me your email and I'll send it to you. I'm on Facebook. I write screenplays as a hobby, including a really bad bad one called "Zombie Prom Queen." I have a book coming out sometime soon. "Lost" is really about Buddhism. How are you?
Monday, March 16, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Saturday, March 07, 2009
Viral Video Idea
If you can make this video, please do so. I don't have the time or resources to do anything except write about it, and the shelf life for a joke like this to be funny is limited.
OBLIGATORY COMPANY LOGOS
FADE IN:
EXT - HILLSIDE - DAY
CLOSE-UP KID EYES
A kid puts on some goggles.
KID
Ready?
DEEPER VOICE
Ready.
A set of furry arms wraps around the kid.
KID
Let's go.
Ready?
DEEPER VOICE
Ready.
A set of furry arms wraps around the kid.
KID
Let's go.
TEXT
From the director of Watchmen and 300...
...comes the greatest comic adaptation of all time.
EXT - HILLSIDE - DAY
POV from the wagon going down the hill.
The grassy hillside rushes past as a wagon races down the hill. The two voices make kind of a "who-o-o-a-a-a-a" noise as they bounce along.
POV looking at the wagon.
A boy and a tiger hit a rock in slow motion. Their velocity and force launch them into the air. They scream.
Techno music begins to blare.
As the two fly through the air in slow motion, screaming, images strobe.
SUSIE DERKINS, setting up a tea party.
THE MOM, preparing a grotesque dinner.
ROSELYN, rolling up her sleeves.
THE DAD, gritting his teeth because his car is blocked by DEFORMED SNOWMEN.
MRS. WORMWOOD, passing out a test.
SPACEMAN SPIFF, fighting for his life.
A DINOSAUR roars.
Darkness.
DAD
Calvin!
Calvin!
LOGO - Zach Snyder's Calvin and Hobbes.
EXT - HILLSIDE - DAY
The wagon crashes into the ground, spilling the passengers everywhere.
FADE TO BLACK.
CALVIN
Let's do that again!
Let's do that again!
Monday, March 02, 2009
The Bonds of Facebook Friendship
Here's my Facebook profile.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=749847463&ref=profile
I do not Facebook Friend people lightly. Even though we may be friends of friends or might know each other from blogs or discussion boards or maybe we went to elementary school together and haven't talked for twenty years, we are Facebook friends now and with that, there is a certain level of respect and decorum I will try to keep.
Here is what I will do for you, Facebook friend.
1) I will remember your birthday and write something on your wall on or around the date.
2) I will occasionally comment on your status and/or notes for the sole purpose of making you laugh. The risk is, of course, the joke falling flat, offending you, and destroying our friendship forever. Sorry, that is what happens when you live on the edge like I do.
3) I will try to make my statuses fun and interesting. Nine times out of ten, this means using song lyrics in them.
4) I will NOT tag you on any note. I may post notes, but in NO WAY will I force you to read them or ask you to write a note in response.
5) If you tag me in a note, I reserve the right to respond to it or to ignore it. I am very fickle about these things.
6) If I have a potentially embarrassing photo of you and you name is NOT Will Turnage, I will ask permission before uploading it and tagging you.
7) I will not knowingly share any of your Facebook information with any third parties.
8) I will probably not use offensive language because I'm also Facebook friends with my wife and my parents. This also means I will probably delete offensive language off my wall if you choose to post it.
9) I will not knowingly end our friendship unless there is a good reason.
10) I will probably not loan you money, so don't ask.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=749847463&ref=profile
I do not Facebook Friend people lightly. Even though we may be friends of friends or might know each other from blogs or discussion boards or maybe we went to elementary school together and haven't talked for twenty years, we are Facebook friends now and with that, there is a certain level of respect and decorum I will try to keep.
Here is what I will do for you, Facebook friend.
1) I will remember your birthday and write something on your wall on or around the date.
2) I will occasionally comment on your status and/or notes for the sole purpose of making you laugh. The risk is, of course, the joke falling flat, offending you, and destroying our friendship forever. Sorry, that is what happens when you live on the edge like I do.
3) I will try to make my statuses fun and interesting. Nine times out of ten, this means using song lyrics in them.
4) I will NOT tag you on any note. I may post notes, but in NO WAY will I force you to read them or ask you to write a note in response.
5) If you tag me in a note, I reserve the right to respond to it or to ignore it. I am very fickle about these things.
6) If I have a potentially embarrassing photo of you and you name is NOT Will Turnage, I will ask permission before uploading it and tagging you.
7) I will not knowingly share any of your Facebook information with any third parties.
8) I will probably not use offensive language because I'm also Facebook friends with my wife and my parents. This also means I will probably delete offensive language off my wall if you choose to post it.
9) I will not knowingly end our friendship unless there is a good reason.
10) I will probably not loan you money, so don't ask.
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Thoughts on Dollhouse
Here's a comic from HijiNKS Ensue about Dollhouse.
So I've watched the first three episodes of Dollhouse - the new Joss Whedon show that looks like an Alias rip-off. It is not a great show, and not even a good show. It is an ok show, which means if it is on, I probably wouldn't change the channel. However, I also wouldn't seek it out if it WAS on at the time.
Since I don't have a television, though, it doesn't matter. I usually give a show a couple of episodes before rendering judgment. Firefly didn't hook me until somewhere in the middle of Disc 2 of the DVD set. Buffy didn't get good for me until the back half of Season 2. I've only watched three and a half seasons of Angel and that hasn't hooked me yet. Very few shows, like Arrested Development, hook me from the get-go. Heck, Lost didn't even hook me until the first John Locke episode in Season 1 - what was that? About four or five shows in? The American version of The Office didn't get good until well into the second season.
What makes Whedon's work interesting is that he makes the subtext the text and flaunts genre conventions. This lulls the audience into a state of relaxation, after which the work suddenly adheres to genre conventions, which is both shocking and amusing.
For example, instead of making a subtle parallel between vampirism and alcoholism (i.e. the characters are addicted to something horrible and damaging to themselves and others), the parallel is explicit. The vampires meet in a twelve-step program, and say phrases like, "My name is Vladmir, and I am a bloodaholic." The subtext is the text, and everyone laughs because a vampire support group is funny and absurd. The audience is laughing and relaxes because this is a spoof of genre conventions. But then a vampire falls off the wagon and kills people - and doesn't kill a minor, faceless character, but instead kills a character that the audience has a significant emotional investment. Suddenly, by adhering to genre conventions, there is excitement and delight.
A great example of what makes Whedon's work so interesting is Dr. Horrible's Sing-along Blog which does this exact thing. It plays with genre conventions until the audience cares about the villain and hates the hero, then it suddenly adheres to genre conventions, reminding the audience that, hey, they've been rooting for the bad guy, and he's, like, a BAD GUY.
Dollhouse doesn't have that going for it right now, because it is hard to classify in terms of genre. We don't know if it is a sci-fi story or a spy story or something else entirely. There isn't a way for it to cozy up to us, and let us think we know what it is really about, only to have it kick the chair out from under us later.
Plus, there is the challenge of making a character interesting when the only distinguishing thing about the character is her utter and complete blankness.
The third episode in the series is the closest so far that the show has come to finding its voice - the Dollhouse characters are no different from the manufactured pop sensations that are forced down the throat of popular culture. The show is a metaphor for the entertainment industry as a whole, specifically focusing on how women are treated.
This is the closest the show has come to asking an interesting question. I am not sure the high-concept of the show is sustainable for many episodes and story ideas, though, unless something radically changes soon. Hopefully, something will.
Having said all that, I have watched the show enough to get a sense of the formula. Hence, I have two plot ideas for shows.
1) A Paris Hilton-type media figure wants to enter the Dollhouse because she thinks it will be the cool trendy thing to do.
2) An aging multi-millionaire approaches the Dollhouse and requests that one of the dolls bear him an heir.
If you are interested in watching the first three episodes, here they are:
Episode 1 (not very good)
Episode 2 (gets a little better)
Episode 3 (gets a little better than episode 2)
So I've watched the first three episodes of Dollhouse - the new Joss Whedon show that looks like an Alias rip-off. It is not a great show, and not even a good show. It is an ok show, which means if it is on, I probably wouldn't change the channel. However, I also wouldn't seek it out if it WAS on at the time.
Since I don't have a television, though, it doesn't matter. I usually give a show a couple of episodes before rendering judgment. Firefly didn't hook me until somewhere in the middle of Disc 2 of the DVD set. Buffy didn't get good for me until the back half of Season 2. I've only watched three and a half seasons of Angel and that hasn't hooked me yet. Very few shows, like Arrested Development, hook me from the get-go. Heck, Lost didn't even hook me until the first John Locke episode in Season 1 - what was that? About four or five shows in? The American version of The Office didn't get good until well into the second season.
What makes Whedon's work interesting is that he makes the subtext the text and flaunts genre conventions. This lulls the audience into a state of relaxation, after which the work suddenly adheres to genre conventions, which is both shocking and amusing.
For example, instead of making a subtle parallel between vampirism and alcoholism (i.e. the characters are addicted to something horrible and damaging to themselves and others), the parallel is explicit. The vampires meet in a twelve-step program, and say phrases like, "My name is Vladmir, and I am a bloodaholic." The subtext is the text, and everyone laughs because a vampire support group is funny and absurd. The audience is laughing and relaxes because this is a spoof of genre conventions. But then a vampire falls off the wagon and kills people - and doesn't kill a minor, faceless character, but instead kills a character that the audience has a significant emotional investment. Suddenly, by adhering to genre conventions, there is excitement and delight.
A great example of what makes Whedon's work so interesting is Dr. Horrible's Sing-along Blog which does this exact thing. It plays with genre conventions until the audience cares about the villain and hates the hero, then it suddenly adheres to genre conventions, reminding the audience that, hey, they've been rooting for the bad guy, and he's, like, a BAD GUY.
Dollhouse doesn't have that going for it right now, because it is hard to classify in terms of genre. We don't know if it is a sci-fi story or a spy story or something else entirely. There isn't a way for it to cozy up to us, and let us think we know what it is really about, only to have it kick the chair out from under us later.
Plus, there is the challenge of making a character interesting when the only distinguishing thing about the character is her utter and complete blankness.
The third episode in the series is the closest so far that the show has come to finding its voice - the Dollhouse characters are no different from the manufactured pop sensations that are forced down the throat of popular culture. The show is a metaphor for the entertainment industry as a whole, specifically focusing on how women are treated.
This is the closest the show has come to asking an interesting question. I am not sure the high-concept of the show is sustainable for many episodes and story ideas, though, unless something radically changes soon. Hopefully, something will.
Having said all that, I have watched the show enough to get a sense of the formula. Hence, I have two plot ideas for shows.
1) A Paris Hilton-type media figure wants to enter the Dollhouse because she thinks it will be the cool trendy thing to do.
2) An aging multi-millionaire approaches the Dollhouse and requests that one of the dolls bear him an heir.
If you are interested in watching the first three episodes, here they are:
Episode 1 (not very good)
Episode 2 (gets a little better)
Episode 3 (gets a little better than episode 2)
Thoughts on BSG
So I was at my in-laws the other night for dinner. Because my father-in-law and I are men of science, we were watching the Sci-Fi Network. Ironically, they were showing some show about vampires, which have nothing to do with science, but that is beside the point.
The point is, during the commercial breaks, we saw the same commercial for Battlestar Galactica played over and over about ten times.
"Do you watch that show?" asked my father-in-law.
"I was really into it for the first two seasons, but by the end of the third season, the show went off the rails for me."
"Was that when they found out about half the crew were robots?"
"Yep."
"You know, I can get into a show about people fighting robots, but when it is robots fighting robots, what is the point? I saw that show before and it was called 'Battlebots.' The only thing we need robots for is to need to make me a sandwich."
"Can I put this conversation in my blog?"
The point is, during the commercial breaks, we saw the same commercial for Battlestar Galactica played over and over about ten times.
"Do you watch that show?" asked my father-in-law.
"I was really into it for the first two seasons, but by the end of the third season, the show went off the rails for me."
"Was that when they found out about half the crew were robots?"
"Yep."
"You know, I can get into a show about people fighting robots, but when it is robots fighting robots, what is the point? I saw that show before and it was called 'Battlebots.' The only thing we need robots for is to need to make me a sandwich."
"Can I put this conversation in my blog?"
Friday, February 13, 2009
iPod Shuffle Contest Answers
So the music snob in me is kind of pleased my taste in music is so obscure no one could guess any of the songs. On the other hand, the needy blogger in me is kind of upset no one could guess any of the songs.
Nevertheless, it it time to post the song list.
1. Pink Moon - Nick Drake (seriously, 9/10ths of the lyrics are "Pink moon. Pink pink pink pink moon.")
2. Recycled Air - The Postal Service
3. The Anchor Song - Bjork
4. Dark Haired True Lover - The Carter Family
5. Drinking Wine Spo-Dee-O-Dee - Richard Thompson (although if you said Jerry Lee Lewis, that is perfectly fine)
6. Feeling Yourself Disintegrate - The Flaming Lips
7. History of Lovers - Iron & Wine
8. Asheveille - They Might Be Giants
9. Windout - R.E.M
10. Disco Inferno - The Trammps
11. S' Wonderful - Ella Fitzgerald (but practically everyone has recorded this song so the performer shouldn't count)
12. Honeymoon Suite - Suzanne Vega
13. Mother of Pearl - Nellie McKay
14. Strong Hand (Just One Miracle) - Emmylou Harris
15. Mad Lucas - The Breeders
Duplicate bands omitted during the initial shuffle include - R.E.M., The Carter Family, They Might Be Giants, and Suzanne Vega.
Voila!
Still trying to come up with an idea for a real blog post. Whenever there isn't any activity here, it means, I don't have too much time on my hands.
Nevertheless, it it time to post the song list.
1. Pink Moon - Nick Drake (seriously, 9/10ths of the lyrics are "Pink moon. Pink pink pink pink moon.")
2. Recycled Air - The Postal Service
3. The Anchor Song - Bjork
4. Dark Haired True Lover - The Carter Family
5. Drinking Wine Spo-Dee-O-Dee - Richard Thompson (although if you said Jerry Lee Lewis, that is perfectly fine)
6. Feeling Yourself Disintegrate - The Flaming Lips
7. History of Lovers - Iron & Wine
8. Asheveille - They Might Be Giants
9. Windout - R.E.M
10. Disco Inferno - The Trammps
11. S' Wonderful - Ella Fitzgerald (but practically everyone has recorded this song so the performer shouldn't count)
12. Honeymoon Suite - Suzanne Vega
13. Mother of Pearl - Nellie McKay
14. Strong Hand (Just One Miracle) - Emmylou Harris
15. Mad Lucas - The Breeders
Duplicate bands omitted during the initial shuffle include - R.E.M., The Carter Family, They Might Be Giants, and Suzanne Vega.
Voila!
Still trying to come up with an idea for a real blog post. Whenever there isn't any activity here, it means, I don't have too much time on my hands.
An iPod Shuffle Contest Thing
I got this idea from R*.
And it looks like Recovering Sociopath is doing it, too, but without any sort of prize.
The idea is this - put your iPod on shuffle and write the lyrics of the first 15 songs. Whoever gets the most right gets a prize of some sort. And everyone is not supposed to use Google.
I actually cycled through about 35 songs to get this list - the rejects are at the bottom of this post.
All of my Facebook friends have a pretty good idea what I listen to day in/day out because I regularly use song lyrics in my Facebook statuses. Examples include: M. Robert saw her standing there; M. Robert is made of these - Who had a mind to disagree?; and M. Robert is like ra-a-a-a-ain on your wedding day.
What's the prize? I don't know. I will mail you something, though.
Here's the list
1. I saw it written and I saw it say
***Sorry, folks. If I write out any more lyrics and it will give the song away.***
2.Knuckles clenched to white
as the landing gear retract for flight
My head's a balloon
inflating with the altitude
3. I live by the ocean
And during the night
I dive into it
Down to the bottom
Underneath all currents
4.Take back every word you have spoken
Let it be as though we never met
For tonight I'm a poor boy heartbroken
I'll forgive but I'll never forget
5.Weeeeeeellll
Wine Wine Wine Elderberry
Wine Wine Wine Oh Sherry
Wine Wine Wine Blackberry
Wine Wine Wine Huckleberry
Wine Wine Wine Oh Lord
Pass that bottle to me
6.Love in our life is just too valuable
Oh, to feel for even a second without it
But life without death is just impossible
Oh, to realize something is ending within us
7.Louise came to rescue me, missing the irony
Blood made her heart change its beating
I hope that she’s happy I’m blamed for the death of
The man she found better than me
8.Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm the orange peel
You don't remember
But I was once part of your orange
I'm the peel that you left on the floor
You took the good part and walked out the door
And I hate you for that
I hate you for that
I'm the orange peel
9.There's no doubt - that you're feeling fine
No doubt - that you're out of mind
No doubt - that you're young and red
10. To mass fires, yes!
One hundred stories high
People gettin' loose
y’all gettin' down on the roof -
Do you hear?
The folks are flaming - out of control
11.Dont mind telling you, in my humble fash
That you thrill me through, with a tender pash,
When you said you care, magine my emoshe
I swore then and there, permanent devoshe,
You made all other men seem blah
Just you alone filled me with ahhhhhhhh......
12.he said a hundred people
had come through our room that night
that one by one the old and young
asked if he was all right
one by one the old and young
lined up to touch his hand
he spent the night explaining
they had come to the wrong man
13. Feminists don't have a sense of humor
Feminists just want to be alone (boo-hoo)
Feminists spread vicious lies and rumor
They have a tumor on their funny bone
They say child molestation isn't funny
Rape and degradation's just a crime (lighten up, ladies)
Rampant prostitution, sex for money (what's wrong with that)
Can't these chicks do anything but whine
14.He was a tall man
Raised up from the fields out pickin' cotton
In a hard land Where the ground was poor and the wood was rotten
But when he saw her
All those bad times were forgotten
And he believed, he believed
15.Arise, wash your face
From cinder and soot
You're a nuisance
And I Don't like Dirt
I will let you know these were the songs I omitted because I thought they would be unfair:
Big Top Pee Wee - Danny Elfman (no lyrics)
Christ Rising Again - Thomas Tallis (lyrics in Latin)
Perfect Stranger - Eleni Mandell (pure laziness - there wasn't a website for me to copy/paste the lyrics from)
Someone Loves You - Simon Bonney (laziness)
Shout, Lulu (the version I have more or less goes "Shout Lulu, shout shout/Shout Lulu, shout shout for three minutes - it is good banjo music, though)
I Like to Score - Moby (no lyrics)
Sourire - Les Nubians (lyrics in French)
Apache - Jorgen Ingmann (no lyrics)
Charlie Brown Theme - Vince Guaraldi Trio (no lyrics)
Fake Purse - Joey Santiago (no lyrics)
Uneasy Street - Big Lazy (no lyrics)
A lot of Sigur Ros songs (lyrics in Icelandic or "Smilish" the made-up language the band uses for some of their songs)
A lot of Charlie Christian songs (no lyrics)
A lot of Charlie Parker songs (no lyrics)
Any duplicate band (and there were a few that won't be mentioned until the next post)
Any mashup I downloaded from the internet (and there were a few)
And it looks like Recovering Sociopath is doing it, too, but without any sort of prize.
The idea is this - put your iPod on shuffle and write the lyrics of the first 15 songs. Whoever gets the most right gets a prize of some sort. And everyone is not supposed to use Google.
I actually cycled through about 35 songs to get this list - the rejects are at the bottom of this post.
All of my Facebook friends have a pretty good idea what I listen to day in/day out because I regularly use song lyrics in my Facebook statuses. Examples include: M. Robert saw her standing there; M. Robert is made of these - Who had a mind to disagree?; and M. Robert is like ra-a-a-a-ain on your wedding day.
What's the prize? I don't know. I will mail you something, though.
Here's the list
1. I saw it written and I saw it say
***Sorry, folks. If I write out any more lyrics and it will give the song away.***
2.Knuckles clenched to white
as the landing gear retract for flight
My head's a balloon
inflating with the altitude
3. I live by the ocean
And during the night
I dive into it
Down to the bottom
Underneath all currents
4.Take back every word you have spoken
Let it be as though we never met
For tonight I'm a poor boy heartbroken
I'll forgive but I'll never forget
5.Weeeeeeellll
Wine Wine Wine Elderberry
Wine Wine Wine Oh Sherry
Wine Wine Wine Blackberry
Wine Wine Wine Huckleberry
Wine Wine Wine Oh Lord
Pass that bottle to me
6.Love in our life is just too valuable
Oh, to feel for even a second without it
But life without death is just impossible
Oh, to realize something is ending within us
7.Louise came to rescue me, missing the irony
Blood made her heart change its beating
I hope that she’s happy I’m blamed for the death of
The man she found better than me
8.Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm the orange peel
You don't remember
But I was once part of your orange
I'm the peel that you left on the floor
You took the good part and walked out the door
And I hate you for that
I hate you for that
I'm the orange peel
9.There's no doubt - that you're feeling fine
No doubt - that you're out of mind
No doubt - that you're young and red
10. To mass fires, yes!
One hundred stories high
People gettin' loose
y’all gettin' down on the roof -
Do you hear?
The folks are flaming - out of control
11.Dont mind telling you, in my humble fash
That you thrill me through, with a tender pash,
When you said you care, magine my emoshe
I swore then and there, permanent devoshe,
You made all other men seem blah
Just you alone filled me with ahhhhhhhh......
12.he said a hundred people
had come through our room that night
that one by one the old and young
asked if he was all right
one by one the old and young
lined up to touch his hand
he spent the night explaining
they had come to the wrong man
13. Feminists don't have a sense of humor
Feminists just want to be alone (boo-hoo)
Feminists spread vicious lies and rumor
They have a tumor on their funny bone
They say child molestation isn't funny
Rape and degradation's just a crime (lighten up, ladies)
Rampant prostitution, sex for money (what's wrong with that)
Can't these chicks do anything but whine
14.He was a tall man
Raised up from the fields out pickin' cotton
In a hard land Where the ground was poor and the wood was rotten
But when he saw her
All those bad times were forgotten
And he believed, he believed
15.Arise, wash your face
From cinder and soot
You're a nuisance
And I Don't like Dirt
I will let you know these were the songs I omitted because I thought they would be unfair:
Big Top Pee Wee - Danny Elfman (no lyrics)
Christ Rising Again - Thomas Tallis (lyrics in Latin)
Perfect Stranger - Eleni Mandell (pure laziness - there wasn't a website for me to copy/paste the lyrics from)
Someone Loves You - Simon Bonney (laziness)
Shout, Lulu (the version I have more or less goes "Shout Lulu, shout shout/Shout Lulu, shout shout for three minutes - it is good banjo music, though)
I Like to Score - Moby (no lyrics)
Sourire - Les Nubians (lyrics in French)
Apache - Jorgen Ingmann (no lyrics)
Charlie Brown Theme - Vince Guaraldi Trio (no lyrics)
Fake Purse - Joey Santiago (no lyrics)
Uneasy Street - Big Lazy (no lyrics)
A lot of Sigur Ros songs (lyrics in Icelandic or "Smilish" the made-up language the band uses for some of their songs)
A lot of Charlie Christian songs (no lyrics)
A lot of Charlie Parker songs (no lyrics)
Any duplicate band (and there were a few that won't be mentioned until the next post)
Any mashup I downloaded from the internet (and there were a few)
Saturday, February 07, 2009
Monday, February 02, 2009
This Much Hottness and Cuteness in the Same Place at the Same Time Should be Outlawed
I had no idea two of my favorite actresses made a video together. Seriously, so much hottness and cuteness in one place at one time should be illegal.
Fortunately, I am married to someone who is living breathing much more cuteness and hotness, so a legal precedent is set. The Mrs. says to Natalie Portman and Rashida Jones, "You're welcome."
Obligatory Birthday Post
February 8th is my birthday.
This is what I have accomplished in my life.
1) Married the best person in the universe.
2) Wrote a horrible train wreck of a novel, but, hey, it is a novel, and I can always rewrite it later, because there are at least two good bits in it.
3) Wrote four feature-length screenplays. All need serious work, but they exist now. And the popular myth is that you have to write about ten bad screenplays for each good one. So I am on track to write 40% of a good screenplay.
4) Wrote several articles, essays, short stories, and comics, some of which have been published and generated some money. (I include in this output the 400 blog posts on TMTOMH. This is blog post 400, by the way.)
5) Have an actual honest-to-goodness book in the works. This should hopefully generate enough money to support my hobbies, like the owning-a-huge-flat-screen-TV hobby and the owning-a-wicked-sound-system hobby.
6) Have a decent career with a company I love, which is a major accomplishment for someone who, until in his mid/late 20s, never really felt there was a place in the world for him.
7) Have become fairly decent at Guitar Hero/Rock Band and now actively seeks out parties where they play Guitar Hero/Rock Band because, thanks to the power of video games, I can finally be social. (Especially if they decide to play "More than a Feelin'" because I TOTALLY ROCK ON THIS SONG!)
8) Served on a number of organization boards, proving to the world that I can sit through an entire meeting without rolling my eyes, making snoring noises, or drawing cruel caricatures of the other meeting participants complete with word bubbles that read, "I am a big dorkus malorkus."
9) Worked through pretty much all of my issues with my parents and family. Or, at least, got to the point where I can truly enjoy the company of my family. They are a bunch of pretty neat people. Except that one we all shun. (Ok, that was a joke, because I'm pretty sure all of my relatives reading this thought to themselves when reading that sentence, "I am the one they all shun." No one in my family is shunned. Everyone is complained about, but no one is shunned. Think of it as a lovable quirk.)
10) As Mario, I saved the Princess.
These are my goals for the next few years.
1) Want to get a MA before I turn 40. Already enrolled in classes and working towards it.
2) Want to do a three-day, 60-mile Susan G. Komen walk this autumn.
3) Want to finally make a short film of some sort instead of just talk about it.
4) Want to make a music video of some sort instead of just talk about it.
5) Want to leave the world a better place than I found it.
This is what I have accomplished in my life.
1) Married the best person in the universe.
2) Wrote a horrible train wreck of a novel, but, hey, it is a novel, and I can always rewrite it later, because there are at least two good bits in it.
3) Wrote four feature-length screenplays. All need serious work, but they exist now. And the popular myth is that you have to write about ten bad screenplays for each good one. So I am on track to write 40% of a good screenplay.
4) Wrote several articles, essays, short stories, and comics, some of which have been published and generated some money. (I include in this output the 400 blog posts on TMTOMH. This is blog post 400, by the way.)
5) Have an actual honest-to-goodness book in the works. This should hopefully generate enough money to support my hobbies, like the owning-a-huge-flat-screen-TV hobby and the owning-a-wicked-sound-system hobby.
6) Have a decent career with a company I love, which is a major accomplishment for someone who, until in his mid/late 20s, never really felt there was a place in the world for him.
7) Have become fairly decent at Guitar Hero/Rock Band and now actively seeks out parties where they play Guitar Hero/Rock Band because, thanks to the power of video games, I can finally be social. (Especially if they decide to play "More than a Feelin'" because I TOTALLY ROCK ON THIS SONG!)
8) Served on a number of organization boards, proving to the world that I can sit through an entire meeting without rolling my eyes, making snoring noises, or drawing cruel caricatures of the other meeting participants complete with word bubbles that read, "I am a big dorkus malorkus."
9) Worked through pretty much all of my issues with my parents and family. Or, at least, got to the point where I can truly enjoy the company of my family. They are a bunch of pretty neat people. Except that one we all shun. (Ok, that was a joke, because I'm pretty sure all of my relatives reading this thought to themselves when reading that sentence, "I am the one they all shun." No one in my family is shunned. Everyone is complained about, but no one is shunned. Think of it as a lovable quirk.)
10) As Mario, I saved the Princess.
These are my goals for the next few years.
1) Want to get a MA before I turn 40. Already enrolled in classes and working towards it.
2) Want to do a three-day, 60-mile Susan G. Komen walk this autumn.
3) Want to finally make a short film of some sort instead of just talk about it.
4) Want to make a music video of some sort instead of just talk about it.
5) Want to leave the world a better place than I found it.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Why I Like Formulas
I can be a jerk sometimes when it comes to entertainment, because it is not enough for you to like the right movies and television shows, but you have to like them for the right reasons as well. (I am working on this, but it is hard.)
If you like don't like Pulp Fiction
because it is a meditation on the American identity from a class and race perspective, ultimately drawing the conclusion that what makes us truly Americans is our shared love popular culture, and instead like the movie because it is freakin' cool how Bruce Willis chops The Gimp with a samurai sword, I will probably tell you I am not a big fan of Quentin Tarantino's work.
(Although, truth be told, I freakin' love Pulp Fiction because it is a mediation on the American identity from a class and race perspective, ultimately drawing the conclusion that what makes us truly Americans is our shared love of popular culture. And, ok, that samurai sword bit was kinda freakin' awesome, but only because it was SYMBOLIC.)
I am a horrible snob about some things and try to keep this in check. Sometimes it eeks out. For example, when someone dismisses a movie or television show because it is too formulaic, I go nuts.
My quip is usually a sarcastic, "Well, yeah. Because dramatic structure is never formulaic." Then I roll my eyes. Then I look down my nose. Then I point to their shirt and say, "You've got something right the- OOOOP!" and I flip their nose as soon as they begin to look down. Because that is the formulaic behavior of someone who is being a condescending jerk.
Formulas are great. No one should complain about something being formulaic because the fundamentals of storytelling can be distilled into simple formulas. Three Act Structure. Five Act Structure. Boy Meets Girl, Boy Loses Girl, but Boy Finds Girl Again and Girl Turns Out to be a Killer Robot from the Future. These stories have been with us since the Ancient Greeks and probably earlier. As long as Robot Girlfriends are going back in time, we will have formulas.
I can understand how someone might get perturbed because they understand the formula enough to predict what is going to happen thus destroying any sense of tension and drama, but the criticism should not be leveled at the formula, but the execution of the formula. People know how Romeo and Juliet is going to end, but that doesn't stop them from watching it again with different actors. Don't blame the structure, blame the interpretation.
For someone who aspires to be a creative writer in the mediums of film and/or television, it is important not only to respect formulas, but to be able to interact with them and make them your own. Understand the rules of this particular universe and add variables that are uniquely your own.
Of course, all of the blog post up to this point is a ruse to trick everyone into hearing me talk about things I have written.
To become a television writer, you have to write scripts for existing shows and add them to your portfolio. This shows agents and people who might hire you that you have a fundamental understanding of the characters, the expectations, and the limitations of the show. In other words, you show how well do you use the formula.
Because I am bored a lot and because I daydream about being an underpaid and overworked television writer, I have written two such scripts for my portfolio, an Arrested Development script and an Office script. I shall now pitch you the scripts and you can determine how closely I was able to adhere to the formulas for each show.
If you are not familiar with the shows, this is going to sound like utter gobbeldygook. However, if you have seen these shows, imagine how these ideas fit in with a typical episode. And if you think I missed the mark, feel free to tell me how. I won't be getting a job in the entertainment industry any time soon, so telling me I don't have a future in Los Angeles will not hurt my feelings.
Arrested Development - Gob wants money so he can open a woman's clothing store named Perfectly Fit. The idea is that there is only one size of clothing available, and it is GOB's idea of what a perfectly fit woman's proportions should be. Michael misinterprets an overheard conversation and thinks George Michael wants to become a male model. Michael agrees to fund Gob's venture if he hires George Michael as a male model. Buster has an uncomfortable moment in a men's room which leads to him getting a stalker.
The Office - The Friday before Labor Day, Michael has accidentally approved vacation for everyone, giving everyone the office (except him and Dwight) a four-day weekend. No one is there to attend the Labor Day party Michael was planning (this year's theme - "Going into Labor"). So Michael and Dwight go from house to house, telling people to come back into the office and have some fun before they have their now three-day weekend. Stanley tries to have a barbecue.
So there you go. Formulas in action! Thank you for your time.
If you like don't like Pulp Fiction
because it is a meditation on the American identity from a class and race perspective, ultimately drawing the conclusion that what makes us truly Americans is our shared love popular culture, and instead like the movie because it is freakin' cool how Bruce Willis chops The Gimp with a samurai sword, I will probably tell you I am not a big fan of Quentin Tarantino's work.(Although, truth be told, I freakin' love Pulp Fiction
because it is a mediation on the American identity from a class and race perspective, ultimately drawing the conclusion that what makes us truly Americans is our shared love of popular culture. And, ok, that samurai sword bit was kinda freakin' awesome, but only because it was SYMBOLIC.)
I am a horrible snob about some things and try to keep this in check. Sometimes it eeks out. For example, when someone dismisses a movie or television show because it is too formulaic, I go nuts.
My quip is usually a sarcastic, "Well, yeah. Because dramatic structure is never formulaic." Then I roll my eyes. Then I look down my nose. Then I point to their shirt and say, "You've got something right the- OOOOP!" and I flip their nose as soon as they begin to look down. Because that is the formulaic behavior of someone who is being a condescending jerk.
Formulas are great. No one should complain about something being formulaic because the fundamentals of storytelling can be distilled into simple formulas. Three Act Structure. Five Act Structure. Boy Meets Girl, Boy Loses Girl, but Boy Finds Girl Again and Girl Turns Out to be a Killer Robot from the Future. These stories have been with us since the Ancient Greeks and probably earlier. As long as Robot Girlfriends are going back in time, we will have formulas.
I can understand how someone might get perturbed because they understand the formula enough to predict what is going to happen thus destroying any sense of tension and drama, but the criticism should not be leveled at the formula, but the execution of the formula. People know how Romeo and Juliet is going to end, but that doesn't stop them from watching it again with different actors. Don't blame the structure, blame the interpretation.
For someone who aspires to be a creative writer in the mediums of film and/or television, it is important not only to respect formulas, but to be able to interact with them and make them your own. Understand the rules of this particular universe and add variables that are uniquely your own.
Of course, all of the blog post up to this point is a ruse to trick everyone into hearing me talk about things I have written.
To become a television writer, you have to write scripts for existing shows and add them to your portfolio. This shows agents and people who might hire you that you have a fundamental understanding of the characters, the expectations, and the limitations of the show. In other words, you show how well do you use the formula.
Because I am bored a lot and because I daydream about being an underpaid and overworked television writer, I have written two such scripts for my portfolio, an Arrested Development script and an Office script. I shall now pitch you the scripts and you can determine how closely I was able to adhere to the formulas for each show.
If you are not familiar with the shows, this is going to sound like utter gobbeldygook. However, if you have seen these shows, imagine how these ideas fit in with a typical episode. And if you think I missed the mark, feel free to tell me how. I won't be getting a job in the entertainment industry any time soon, so telling me I don't have a future in Los Angeles will not hurt my feelings.
Arrested Development - Gob wants money so he can open a woman's clothing store named Perfectly Fit. The idea is that there is only one size of clothing available, and it is GOB's idea of what a perfectly fit woman's proportions should be. Michael misinterprets an overheard conversation and thinks George Michael wants to become a male model. Michael agrees to fund Gob's venture if he hires George Michael as a male model. Buster has an uncomfortable moment in a men's room which leads to him getting a stalker.
The Office - The Friday before Labor Day, Michael has accidentally approved vacation for everyone, giving everyone the office (except him and Dwight) a four-day weekend. No one is there to attend the Labor Day party Michael was planning (this year's theme - "Going into Labor"). So Michael and Dwight go from house to house, telling people to come back into the office and have some fun before they have their now three-day weekend. Stanley tries to have a barbecue.
So there you go. Formulas in action! Thank you for your time.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Facebook Shennanigans
This is an example of what happens when you are friends with your parents on Facebook.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Microwave Etiquette
I work in a building that has roughly one microwave for every 60 or 70 people. And out of those 60 or 70 people, maybe 5 of them know how to use proper microwave etiquette.
So. As a public service. Here are some simple guidelines to follow. By doing so, the person behind you in line is not as likely to kill you.
1) When in doubt, use the Popcorn button.
Back in the day when people wrote Lean Cuisine instructions, microwaves looked like this:
Now they look like this:
Microwave programming technology has just exploded the last decade, going leaps and bounds past the Lean Cuisine cooking instruction technology. So when the Lean Cuisine cooking instructions tell you to microwave on HIGH for three minutes, it is quite possible to look on the microwave and not see a HIGH button and sometimes not even see a place to put in three minutes.
When this is the case, just hit the Popcorn button.
If you open up the microwave and the food is still cold, just press the Popcorn button again. That is why the Popcorn button is there, not to make popcorn, but to be the place where you go when you don't know what else to do.
2) Stopping the microwave 5 seconds before it is done DOES NOT HELP ANYONE.
When there is a line of people waiting and everyone is staring at the microwave clock, counting down along with the display, there is a lot of pressure and anticipation. I know all of this attention might make you think they all wish the microwave would just go ahead and beep so they could put their own food in it. And I know you might think stopping the microwave with five seconds left would make everyone sigh with relief, knowing that they will not get to eat five seconds quicker than before.
You would be wrong.
Watching the countdown is a group bonding experience. Everyone feels like it is New Years Eve, counting in unison from ten to one and ending in a satisfying beep. Stopping the microwave before this interrupts the flow and makes everyone a little dissatisfied with the entire microwave experience.
PLUS, it leaves the time on the microwave, so someone will have to clear out the old time before pressing the Popcorn button. So your lame-o attempt to save everyone five seconds results in creating a lot more than five seconds waiting time for the line.
So just don't do it.
3) If you have one of those meals that require you to stir and heat again, let people know this.
A lot of meals need to be tested or stirred before they can be eaten. If this is one of those meals (for example, if you are using the Popcorn button on a seven-layer lasagna and don't know if it will be done after one round of Popcorn buttoning or two), then let people how it is. No one will mind as much as they will mind hearing the satisfying beep thinking their food is going in next and then realizing that they have to wait one more Popcorn cycle before being able to heat their foods.
Don't toy with people's emotions like this.
4) Don't leave the microwave unattended until you have your hot food.
This goes for everyone - people at the microwave and people waiting in line. I know our lives are so incredibly busy we cannot wait in line for three cycles of Popcorn buttoning, but that is why you have a Blackberry or an iPhone. And if you don't have some sort of mobile device, then come with a book or a sudoku puzzle.
The trick is not to leave the line. The purpose of the line is to establish an order of people waiting for the microwave. If there is a cloud of people mingling around the microwaves, coming and going and hoping the microwaves will be magically available three to six minutes later, you are just living a fool's dream. And you will probably die in line for the microwave.
5) If you leave the microwave unattended, you lose your right to throw a hissy fit.
If your food is in the microwave and you walk away, only to come back later and find your food on the counter, cooled to the point where you have to microwave it again, you do not have the right to yell at the person using the microwave now. You do not have the right to cut in the line for the microwave just to reheat your food a little.
You only have the right to go to the end of the line and patiently wait your turn. You cannot complain. You cannot sigh heavily or roll your eyes. You have lost and have to restart.
Same goes for waiting in line. If you are waiting in line and leave for some reason, you do not magically get your place back in line. And don't ask someone to save your place in line. I know these are the general rules for lines - you can ask someone to save your place and you get cutsies if you need them. But we are talking about food, here. We are talking about LUNCH in the OFFICE. This is the only touch of joy some people get in their days, so respect that.
6) Make sure everyone is aware of the line.
When someone comes by on a cellphone and cuts in front of everyone else, pretending that he didn't see anyone because he is SO DAMN FOCUSED ON HIS CONVERSATION THAT HE DOESN'T NOTICE THE GROUP OF PEOPLE WAITING FOR THE MICROWAVE, violence is permissible. Sporks can cause some real damage if used properly.
Cellphones do not magically give people a pass on the rules of the line. And if someone is speaking loudly, this does not strengthen the magic cellphone bubble around that person - it just means the person is an insufferable jerk and nothing will penetrate their self-absorbed cloud of obnoxiousness except the pain brought on by a good spork to the face.
Because if that person was really all that important, that person would have an assistant or a catered lunch. That person would not need to be in line for the microwave.
7) Don't burn the popcorn.
Seriously, the Popcorn button works for a reason. Mucking with anything else is just asking for trouble. And burnt popcorn is a dang-nasty smell. No one likes smelling that, and you don't want to be known as the person who causes noxious fumes in the office.
Thank you for your time.
So. As a public service. Here are some simple guidelines to follow. By doing so, the person behind you in line is not as likely to kill you.
1) When in doubt, use the Popcorn button.
Back in the day when people wrote Lean Cuisine instructions, microwaves looked like this:
Now they look like this:
Microwave programming technology has just exploded the last decade, going leaps and bounds past the Lean Cuisine cooking instruction technology. So when the Lean Cuisine cooking instructions tell you to microwave on HIGH for three minutes, it is quite possible to look on the microwave and not see a HIGH button and sometimes not even see a place to put in three minutes.
When this is the case, just hit the Popcorn button.
If you open up the microwave and the food is still cold, just press the Popcorn button again. That is why the Popcorn button is there, not to make popcorn, but to be the place where you go when you don't know what else to do.
2) Stopping the microwave 5 seconds before it is done DOES NOT HELP ANYONE.
When there is a line of people waiting and everyone is staring at the microwave clock, counting down along with the display, there is a lot of pressure and anticipation. I know all of this attention might make you think they all wish the microwave would just go ahead and beep so they could put their own food in it. And I know you might think stopping the microwave with five seconds left would make everyone sigh with relief, knowing that they will not get to eat five seconds quicker than before.
You would be wrong.
Watching the countdown is a group bonding experience. Everyone feels like it is New Years Eve, counting in unison from ten to one and ending in a satisfying beep. Stopping the microwave before this interrupts the flow and makes everyone a little dissatisfied with the entire microwave experience.
PLUS, it leaves the time on the microwave, so someone will have to clear out the old time before pressing the Popcorn button. So your lame-o attempt to save everyone five seconds results in creating a lot more than five seconds waiting time for the line.
So just don't do it.
3) If you have one of those meals that require you to stir and heat again, let people know this.
A lot of meals need to be tested or stirred before they can be eaten. If this is one of those meals (for example, if you are using the Popcorn button on a seven-layer lasagna and don't know if it will be done after one round of Popcorn buttoning or two), then let people how it is. No one will mind as much as they will mind hearing the satisfying beep thinking their food is going in next and then realizing that they have to wait one more Popcorn cycle before being able to heat their foods.
Don't toy with people's emotions like this.
4) Don't leave the microwave unattended until you have your hot food.
This goes for everyone - people at the microwave and people waiting in line. I know our lives are so incredibly busy we cannot wait in line for three cycles of Popcorn buttoning, but that is why you have a Blackberry or an iPhone. And if you don't have some sort of mobile device, then come with a book or a sudoku puzzle.
The trick is not to leave the line. The purpose of the line is to establish an order of people waiting for the microwave. If there is a cloud of people mingling around the microwaves, coming and going and hoping the microwaves will be magically available three to six minutes later, you are just living a fool's dream. And you will probably die in line for the microwave.
5) If you leave the microwave unattended, you lose your right to throw a hissy fit.
If your food is in the microwave and you walk away, only to come back later and find your food on the counter, cooled to the point where you have to microwave it again, you do not have the right to yell at the person using the microwave now. You do not have the right to cut in the line for the microwave just to reheat your food a little.
You only have the right to go to the end of the line and patiently wait your turn. You cannot complain. You cannot sigh heavily or roll your eyes. You have lost and have to restart.
Same goes for waiting in line. If you are waiting in line and leave for some reason, you do not magically get your place back in line. And don't ask someone to save your place in line. I know these are the general rules for lines - you can ask someone to save your place and you get cutsies if you need them. But we are talking about food, here. We are talking about LUNCH in the OFFICE. This is the only touch of joy some people get in their days, so respect that.
6) Make sure everyone is aware of the line.
When someone comes by on a cellphone and cuts in front of everyone else, pretending that he didn't see anyone because he is SO DAMN FOCUSED ON HIS CONVERSATION THAT HE DOESN'T NOTICE THE GROUP OF PEOPLE WAITING FOR THE MICROWAVE, violence is permissible. Sporks can cause some real damage if used properly.
Cellphones do not magically give people a pass on the rules of the line. And if someone is speaking loudly, this does not strengthen the magic cellphone bubble around that person - it just means the person is an insufferable jerk and nothing will penetrate their self-absorbed cloud of obnoxiousness except the pain brought on by a good spork to the face.
Because if that person was really all that important, that person would have an assistant or a catered lunch. That person would not need to be in line for the microwave.
7) Don't burn the popcorn.
Seriously, the Popcorn button works for a reason. Mucking with anything else is just asking for trouble. And burnt popcorn is a dang-nasty smell. No one likes smelling that, and you don't want to be known as the person who causes noxious fumes in the office.
Thank you for your time.
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Fun Little Book for Film Obsessives
I am obsessed with movies. So when I read Zeroville
by Steve Erikson and discovered within a few pages that the main character is obsessed with movies, I said, "Hey, this guy is like me." I then showed chunks of text to the Mrs. and she said, "That certainly sounds like you."
And then, about halfway through the book I realize that the main character is supposed to be emotionally disturbed on a deep, fundamental level. Ach.
I read to connect with other people. I am not good when I talk about the weather or how your kids are doing in school or about this darn economy. But get me talking about books or film or the ideas behind them and -WHOA NELLY- stand back because I won't shut up.
In January '08 I heard a Spout.com podcast from Karina Longworth about how she was visiting the Sundance film festival and realized the spirit of American Independent film was not on the screen as much as in a book she was reading in the hotel room at the end of the day.
I had to read that book.
Zeroville is a ready-made story for film obsessives. The main character is a film obsessive and the entire book is written with a series of oblique, unexplained references to film history and Hollywood lore. (Seriously, if you don't know the story about the film print of Carl Theodor Dreyer's The Passion of Joan of Arc
, major plot points will be lost on you.)
Vikar, the main character shaves his head and tattoos Montgomery Clift on one half of his scalpand Elizabeth Taylor on the other half. He does this in honor of his favorite movie, A Place in the Sun
. In one of the opening scenes, someone thinks the tattoos are of Nathalie Wood and James Dean, and that person gets beaten with a lunch tray because Rebel Without a Cause (Two-Disc Special Edition)
is not a very good movie.
Then it gets stranger.
Vikar moves to Hollywood the weekend of the Manson murders and stays there into the 1980s. While there, he meets many different directors, editors, producers, and actors, some real, some fictional. Vikar gets involved with the film industry as works as an editor, not so much to create films but to feed his film obsession.
The book is about what it is to be obsessed with movies and what a beautiful yet horrible thing that can be. There are some scenes of frank violence interspersed between passages of very beautiful discussions of what makes art powerful.
If I were going to lob any complaints at the book, it would be that it falls into a few cutesy post-modern traps. The chapter numbers go up to a certain point, and then start descending. So you read Chapters 1 through 227 and then start reading from Chapter 227 back down to Chapter 1. And the ending of the book falls a little flat. But that is not what makes the book special.
What makes it special is that it articulates the joy, the passion, and a bit of the madness that it takes to be completely obsessed with movies.
In other words, I recommend this book.
by Steve Erikson and discovered within a few pages that the main character is obsessed with movies, I said, "Hey, this guy is like me." I then showed chunks of text to the Mrs. and she said, "That certainly sounds like you."And then, about halfway through the book I realize that the main character is supposed to be emotionally disturbed on a deep, fundamental level. Ach.
I read to connect with other people. I am not good when I talk about the weather or how your kids are doing in school or about this darn economy. But get me talking about books or film or the ideas behind them and -WHOA NELLY- stand back because I won't shut up.
In January '08 I heard a Spout.com podcast from Karina Longworth about how she was visiting the Sundance film festival and realized the spirit of American Independent film was not on the screen as much as in a book she was reading in the hotel room at the end of the day.
I had to read that book.
Zeroville
is a ready-made story for film obsessives. The main character is a film obsessive and the entire book is written with a series of oblique, unexplained references to film history and Hollywood lore. (Seriously, if you don't know the story about the film print of Carl Theodor Dreyer's The Passion of Joan of Arc, major plot points will be lost on you.)Vikar, the main character shaves his head and tattoos Montgomery Clift on one half of his scalpand Elizabeth Taylor on the other half. He does this in honor of his favorite movie, A Place in the Sun
. In one of the opening scenes, someone thinks the tattoos are of Nathalie Wood and James Dean, and that person gets beaten with a lunch tray because Rebel Without a Cause (Two-Disc Special Edition) is not a very good movie.Then it gets stranger.
Vikar moves to Hollywood the weekend of the Manson murders and stays there into the 1980s. While there, he meets many different directors, editors, producers, and actors, some real, some fictional. Vikar gets involved with the film industry as works as an editor, not so much to create films but to feed his film obsession.
The book is about what it is to be obsessed with movies and what a beautiful yet horrible thing that can be. There are some scenes of frank violence interspersed between passages of very beautiful discussions of what makes art powerful.
If I were going to lob any complaints at the book, it would be that it falls into a few cutesy post-modern traps. The chapter numbers go up to a certain point, and then start descending. So you read Chapters 1 through 227 and then start reading from Chapter 227 back down to Chapter 1. And the ending of the book falls a little flat. But that is not what makes the book special.
What makes it special is that it articulates the joy, the passion, and a bit of the madness that it takes to be completely obsessed with movies.
In other words, I recommend this book.
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