Saturday, May 30, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Discussion from a Recent Trip to Austin
"So what was it like to relocate to Austin?"
"Austin has everything. Cowboys, hippies, nerds, and politicos."
"And those are just the school mascots."
"Austin has everything. Cowboys, hippies, nerds, and politicos."
"And those are just the school mascots."
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Today is Going to be a Good Day Thanks to Swine Flu
It is amazing how little things can make you happy.
This week has been a particularly stressful week. There is a lot of jobstress and bookstress happening right now (the book is in the final final editing phases just about ready to go to press). On top of that, yesterday, I got a speeding ticket. (Which is not THAT big of a deal - I just need to take defensive driving and fill out some paperwork and it is stricken from the record. It is just the hassle of going through the motions of penance when I know I am going to drive the same speed on the same stretch of road at the same time of day in the same levels of traffic and not get a ticket. This is why it is called a daily commute. I think that is why most people get so angry at speeding tickets - I have done the same thing I always do without consequence, why are there consequences all of a sudden. The only thing that is different about this situation is you, Mr. Police Man. And because you are different, I will not heap all of my frustration on you. But I have digressed...)
Today, looks like it is shaping up a little, though.
I have a twitter feed (http://twitter.com/gamookie) that I use as a steady stream of casual venting. I use it to complain about the jobstress or to make jokes about popular culture. It is really there to amuse myself (and/or the Mrs.) and to communicate with some friends who send me those @ replies.
Today, though, the local neighborhood website neighborsgo.com featured me as their Twitter friend of the day. May 6, 2009.
Wow! That just makes me happy.
Here is the exchange:
https://twitter.com/neighborsgo/status/1716750994
neighborsgo
@gamookie is our featured Twitter friend up top on neighborsgo.com. Who wants to be next?
https://twitter.com/gamookie/status/1716883974
gamookie
@neighborsgo Wow! How did that happen? Wow... Thanks! All I did was be me.
https://twitter.com/neighborsgo/status/1717124489
neighborsgo
@gamookie You had us at "the first rule of swine flu is that you don't talk about swine flu."
***
So there you go. Make a joke about swine flu comparing it to Fight Club
, and people love you.
I learned something new. It is going to be a good day.
This week has been a particularly stressful week. There is a lot of jobstress and bookstress happening right now (the book is in the final final editing phases just about ready to go to press). On top of that, yesterday, I got a speeding ticket. (Which is not THAT big of a deal - I just need to take defensive driving and fill out some paperwork and it is stricken from the record. It is just the hassle of going through the motions of penance when I know I am going to drive the same speed on the same stretch of road at the same time of day in the same levels of traffic and not get a ticket. This is why it is called a daily commute. I think that is why most people get so angry at speeding tickets - I have done the same thing I always do without consequence, why are there consequences all of a sudden. The only thing that is different about this situation is you, Mr. Police Man. And because you are different, I will not heap all of my frustration on you. But I have digressed...)
Today, looks like it is shaping up a little, though.
I have a twitter feed (http://twitter.com/gamookie) that I use as a steady stream of casual venting. I use it to complain about the jobstress or to make jokes about popular culture. It is really there to amuse myself (and/or the Mrs.) and to communicate with some friends who send me those @ replies.
Today, though, the local neighborhood website neighborsgo.com featured me as their Twitter friend of the day. May 6, 2009.
Wow! That just makes me happy.
Here is the exchange:
https://twitter.com/neighborsgo/status/1716750994
neighborsgo
@gamookie is our featured Twitter friend up top on neighborsgo.com. Who wants to be next?
https://twitter.com/gamookie/status/1716883974
gamookie
@neighborsgo Wow! How did that happen? Wow... Thanks! All I did was be me.
https://twitter.com/neighborsgo/status/1717124489
neighborsgo
@gamookie You had us at "the first rule of swine flu is that you don't talk about swine flu."
***
So there you go. Make a joke about swine flu comparing it to Fight Club
, and people love you. I learned something new. It is going to be a good day.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
"Witty" Banter with a Fifteen-Year Old Kid on Facebook
I am a Facebook friend to the children of some my friends, including this lovable fellow who loves music by U2 and The Smiths yet somehow hates the 80s.
Too bad I am not a KISS fan, otherwise I would have continued the banter.
Too bad I am not a KISS fan, otherwise I would have continued the banter.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Write about What You Know
Or rather... what I've heard happen to a friend of mine once or twice back in Middle School.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Not Quite Sure What to Make of This
I think the song really makes the trailer. Not so sure if the filmmakers will be able to pull this one off.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Dollhouse Episode 6 - Things Get Good
I am only doing this because I wrote about Dollhouse earlier.
This episode has several good things going for it. Here are a few.
1) Patton Oswalt. He really took it up a notch in terms of acting. He brought his A game and it shows.
2) The twists. I counted three great twists in the storyline. Two of them I saw coming, but they still took me by surprise when they happened.
3) The dialogue. Really seemed better here than previous episodes. "Good hand." "No, it was a bad hand well played."
4) The structure. Mixing in the newscaster story with the man on the street interviews was a great way to present the story and concept. Because I can easily imagine a lot of people ignoring the first five episodes and just starting with this one. This structure provides a nice introduction to the series and the series concept.
5) The debate. This is what really sold the show for me. It wasn't the action or the set pieces or the twists or what have you; it was the conversation between Patton Oswalt and Tahmoh Penikett about the nature of the Dollhouse. Oswalt made a convincing argument, clouding the whole "the Dollhouse is nothing but evil" morality of the first five episodes. This made the series seem a little bit more intelligent.
6) The mythology. I will say one of the things I did not like about the first five episodes is that the concept of the show seems limited. This episode hints at a bigger mythology behind the show.
This episode has several good things going for it. Here are a few.
1) Patton Oswalt. He really took it up a notch in terms of acting. He brought his A game and it shows.
2) The twists. I counted three great twists in the storyline. Two of them I saw coming, but they still took me by surprise when they happened.
3) The dialogue. Really seemed better here than previous episodes. "Good hand." "No, it was a bad hand well played."
4) The structure. Mixing in the newscaster story with the man on the street interviews was a great way to present the story and concept. Because I can easily imagine a lot of people ignoring the first five episodes and just starting with this one. This structure provides a nice introduction to the series and the series concept.
5) The debate. This is what really sold the show for me. It wasn't the action or the set pieces or the twists or what have you; it was the conversation between Patton Oswalt and Tahmoh Penikett about the nature of the Dollhouse. Oswalt made a convincing argument, clouding the whole "the Dollhouse is nothing but evil" morality of the first five episodes. This made the series seem a little bit more intelligent.
6) The mythology. I will say one of the things I did not like about the first five episodes is that the concept of the show seems limited. This episode hints at a bigger mythology behind the show.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Why I am Such a Terrible Student
Because I apparently don't have enough to do, I am taking some college classes and preparing for grad school in the fall.
For someone who tests well and is considered somewhat smart sometimes, I can be a really terrible student. Not in terms of grades, but in terms of being a general pain in the buttocks. Part of it is because I do corporate training for a living and I have a pretty good sense of what is effective adult learning and what is not. And by saying "I have a pretty good sense of" I mean that I know this stuff backwards and forwards and I can be pretty snotty and arrogant about it if pressed.
I also know just enough of interface design and interactive programming to be dangerous. So when I take an online course, I am not only evaluating the information presented, I am evaluating how the information is presented - what is being rewarded and what is being graded. I tend to take a lot of screen captures and make elaborate notes, many of which I share with my professors.
This is dangerous, because I run the risk of coming across like I am telling the professor how to do his or her job (aka Insta-Fail!). However, if it is couched in a particular way, (aka "I was not sure if you noticed how those crazy internet people screwed up your grand vision of this course, but check out what they did. Because obviously, professor, you are brilliant and would never make a mistake like the one I just found in this online course.") the results can be beneficial.
This also makes me a bit of a handful. I have several personal, sometimes strained-polite emails, from my professors telling me how much they appreciate my enthusiasm for the course and for learning in general. They then end the email with a polite little, "And do you plan on taking more coursed from me?" Sometimes I read a slight cringe in the emails, but that is because most professors don't use emoticons.
Anyway, mid terms are this week. In the middle of my work schedule, my avid movie watching, my hours of goofing off on the internet, my book, and my blogging thing, I get to show the world how much I know about Accounting. I know my professor is anxiously awaiting to hear my opinion of the effectiveness of the test questions and how they relate to the course objectives.
For someone who tests well and is considered somewhat smart sometimes, I can be a really terrible student. Not in terms of grades, but in terms of being a general pain in the buttocks. Part of it is because I do corporate training for a living and I have a pretty good sense of what is effective adult learning and what is not. And by saying "I have a pretty good sense of" I mean that I know this stuff backwards and forwards and I can be pretty snotty and arrogant about it if pressed.
I also know just enough of interface design and interactive programming to be dangerous. So when I take an online course, I am not only evaluating the information presented, I am evaluating how the information is presented - what is being rewarded and what is being graded. I tend to take a lot of screen captures and make elaborate notes, many of which I share with my professors.
This is dangerous, because I run the risk of coming across like I am telling the professor how to do his or her job (aka Insta-Fail!). However, if it is couched in a particular way, (aka "I was not sure if you noticed how those crazy internet people screwed up your grand vision of this course, but check out what they did. Because obviously, professor, you are brilliant and would never make a mistake like the one I just found in this online course.") the results can be beneficial.
This also makes me a bit of a handful. I have several personal, sometimes strained-polite emails, from my professors telling me how much they appreciate my enthusiasm for the course and for learning in general. They then end the email with a polite little, "And do you plan on taking more coursed from me?" Sometimes I read a slight cringe in the emails, but that is because most professors don't use emoticons.
Anyway, mid terms are this week. In the middle of my work schedule, my avid movie watching, my hours of goofing off on the internet, my book, and my blogging thing, I get to show the world how much I know about Accounting. I know my professor is anxiously awaiting to hear my opinion of the effectiveness of the test questions and how they relate to the course objectives.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Pleasant Conversation I Had with a Lawyer
"So I have worked out five different business scenarios that could be mutually beneficial to all parties involved. The first scenario-"
"My client just writes you a check."
"-iiiisss that your client just writes me a check."
"Done."
"My client just writes you a check."
"-iiiisss that your client just writes me a check."
"Done."
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Crazy Things I Used to Do
I am in the finishing stages of putting together my book and thinking of creative works I have actually finished. See, once a project is completed, it has to go out in front of people who will either love it, hate it, or more likely than anything else, feel completely indifferent to it.
This is a terrifying process.
So, right before the project is finished and ready to go out in front of people, what my brain does is generate about a billion new ideas for new creative projects. "Don't finish that book," it says, "I just came up with a great idea for a musical!"
I haven't decided if this is creativity run amok or just a form of ADD. Fortunately, I have tried to leverage this ability into my creative projects.
For example, the post card novel I wrote.
Inspired by the Griffin and Sabine
books, I wrote a story on the back of 102 postcards (1 introductory chapter, 100 chapters, 1 conclusion chapter) and then mailed them out.
I followed up that with a 30-chapter X-Files postcard story told on the back of X-Files post cards (which were, conveniently, sold in packs of 30). That story was about a serial killer that used postcards to slay.
The secret is to take the weakness and make it a strength. This is not a bug, it is a feature.
My current project is a book contains 26 short film screenplays. Whenever I got stuck on one, I switch to another. Of course I have a million other ideas for things that I could be doing instead.
Fortunately, if I can just focus on 26 of them, I will have the perfect sequel.
And maybe one of them will be a musical.
This is a terrifying process.
So, right before the project is finished and ready to go out in front of people, what my brain does is generate about a billion new ideas for new creative projects. "Don't finish that book," it says, "I just came up with a great idea for a musical!"
I haven't decided if this is creativity run amok or just a form of ADD. Fortunately, I have tried to leverage this ability into my creative projects.
For example, the post card novel I wrote.
Inspired by the Griffin and Sabine
books, I wrote a story on the back of 102 postcards (1 introductory chapter, 100 chapters, 1 conclusion chapter) and then mailed them out. I followed up that with a 30-chapter X-Files postcard story told on the back of X-Files post cards (which were, conveniently, sold in packs of 30). That story was about a serial killer that used postcards to slay.
The secret is to take the weakness and make it a strength. This is not a bug, it is a feature.
My current project is a book contains 26 short film screenplays. Whenever I got stuck on one, I switch to another. Of course I have a million other ideas for things that I could be doing instead.
Fortunately, if I can just focus on 26 of them, I will have the perfect sequel.
And maybe one of them will be a musical.
Monday, March 16, 2009
So... How are things?
Every once in awhile I run into someone I haven't seen in a few years. I know they don't follow the blog or Twitter or Facebook or any of the other ways I talk about myself. And, as much as I like them and enjoy their company, I always feel a little like a doofus when talking to them.
The reason is that there are two story lines in any person's life at any given time - the day-to-day "these are my daily worries, issues, and problems" story and the big "this is an overview of my life" story.
I can tell a decent day-to-day story because every day something strange happens to me. For example, every day, someone I know announces to the internet that they are bored and every day I whisper to myself, "Set yourself on fire - that's pretty exciting." And then I feel guilty because if I actually said this to the bored person's face, they probably would end our friendship out of sheer boredom because they are so bored they could just die, but if they set themselves on fire, it doesn't really solve their terrible boredom problem as much as would entertain me.
Every day I have a pleasant exchange with someone on the job that I can later retell with me speaking normally and the other person talking in a funny voice. And every day, someone of dubious lineage does something stupid in traffic.
These stories I embellish and retell to the Mrs. every day when she asks how my day was. And sometimes I use puppets.
I have a problem, though, when I talk to people who I only see every couple of years. Conversations go something like this:
"So, what are you up to?"
"Don't you read my blog?"
Blank stare.
Pause.
"So... how are things?"
This is a tough conversation for me to have because I know I am going to be starting a conversation that will not be continued for another few years. If I talk about a particular health problem, I know I will have to revisit that topic long after that goiter is gone. And that is uncomfortable and socially awkward.
And the truth is that big things don't happen to me all that often. I got married once and plan on never doing that again. No kids. Just the job and the goofy hobbies. And who wants meet someone after about five years and hear about theories about the secret meanings in the 'Lost' TV show.
I have developed a professional "elevator pitch" for myself. The idea is that if you are stuck on an elevator with an executive, you have to 30 seconds to explain to that person why they should hire you and/or what you bring to the table.
I have decided to develop one of those for my personal life, just so I don't get stuck in socially awkward situations.
Let's try it out...
Things are great! We're still happily married. No kids, but we have Rock Band, so it is like we are still kids ourselves. I play guitar unless I have a few drinks, then I sing. Job is going great. I have to travel sometimes, but it is totally worth it because I love my company. I know you don't read blogs, but I have one of those. Yeah, the URL is some sort of alphabet soup, give me your email and I'll send it to you. I'm on Facebook. I write screenplays as a hobby, including a really bad bad one called "Zombie Prom Queen." I have a book coming out sometime soon. "Lost" is really about Buddhism. How are you?
The reason is that there are two story lines in any person's life at any given time - the day-to-day "these are my daily worries, issues, and problems" story and the big "this is an overview of my life" story.
I can tell a decent day-to-day story because every day something strange happens to me. For example, every day, someone I know announces to the internet that they are bored and every day I whisper to myself, "Set yourself on fire - that's pretty exciting." And then I feel guilty because if I actually said this to the bored person's face, they probably would end our friendship out of sheer boredom because they are so bored they could just die, but if they set themselves on fire, it doesn't really solve their terrible boredom problem as much as would entertain me.
Every day I have a pleasant exchange with someone on the job that I can later retell with me speaking normally and the other person talking in a funny voice. And every day, someone of dubious lineage does something stupid in traffic.
These stories I embellish and retell to the Mrs. every day when she asks how my day was. And sometimes I use puppets.
I have a problem, though, when I talk to people who I only see every couple of years. Conversations go something like this:
"So, what are you up to?"
"Don't you read my blog?"
Blank stare.
Pause.
"So... how are things?"
This is a tough conversation for me to have because I know I am going to be starting a conversation that will not be continued for another few years. If I talk about a particular health problem, I know I will have to revisit that topic long after that goiter is gone. And that is uncomfortable and socially awkward.
And the truth is that big things don't happen to me all that often. I got married once and plan on never doing that again. No kids. Just the job and the goofy hobbies. And who wants meet someone after about five years and hear about theories about the secret meanings in the 'Lost' TV show.
I have developed a professional "elevator pitch" for myself. The idea is that if you are stuck on an elevator with an executive, you have to 30 seconds to explain to that person why they should hire you and/or what you bring to the table.
I have decided to develop one of those for my personal life, just so I don't get stuck in socially awkward situations.
Let's try it out...
Things are great! We're still happily married. No kids, but we have Rock Band, so it is like we are still kids ourselves. I play guitar unless I have a few drinks, then I sing. Job is going great. I have to travel sometimes, but it is totally worth it because I love my company. I know you don't read blogs, but I have one of those. Yeah, the URL is some sort of alphabet soup, give me your email and I'll send it to you. I'm on Facebook. I write screenplays as a hobby, including a really bad bad one called "Zombie Prom Queen." I have a book coming out sometime soon. "Lost" is really about Buddhism. How are you?
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Saturday, March 07, 2009
Viral Video Idea
If you can make this video, please do so. I don't have the time or resources to do anything except write about it, and the shelf life for a joke like this to be funny is limited.
OBLIGATORY COMPANY LOGOS
FADE IN:
EXT - HILLSIDE - DAY
CLOSE-UP KID EYES
A kid puts on some goggles.
KID
Ready?
DEEPER VOICE
Ready.
A set of furry arms wraps around the kid.
KID
Let's go.
Ready?
DEEPER VOICE
Ready.
A set of furry arms wraps around the kid.
KID
Let's go.
TEXT
From the director of Watchmen and 300...
...comes the greatest comic adaptation of all time.
EXT - HILLSIDE - DAY
POV from the wagon going down the hill.
The grassy hillside rushes past as a wagon races down the hill. The two voices make kind of a "who-o-o-a-a-a-a" noise as they bounce along.
POV looking at the wagon.
A boy and a tiger hit a rock in slow motion. Their velocity and force launch them into the air. They scream.
Techno music begins to blare.
As the two fly through the air in slow motion, screaming, images strobe.
SUSIE DERKINS, setting up a tea party.
THE MOM, preparing a grotesque dinner.
ROSELYN, rolling up her sleeves.
THE DAD, gritting his teeth because his car is blocked by DEFORMED SNOWMEN.
MRS. WORMWOOD, passing out a test.
SPACEMAN SPIFF, fighting for his life.
A DINOSAUR roars.
Darkness.
DAD
Calvin!
Calvin!
LOGO - Zach Snyder's Calvin and Hobbes.
EXT - HILLSIDE - DAY
The wagon crashes into the ground, spilling the passengers everywhere.
FADE TO BLACK.
CALVIN
Let's do that again!
Let's do that again!
Monday, March 02, 2009
The Bonds of Facebook Friendship
Here's my Facebook profile.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=749847463&ref=profile
I do not Facebook Friend people lightly. Even though we may be friends of friends or might know each other from blogs or discussion boards or maybe we went to elementary school together and haven't talked for twenty years, we are Facebook friends now and with that, there is a certain level of respect and decorum I will try to keep.
Here is what I will do for you, Facebook friend.
1) I will remember your birthday and write something on your wall on or around the date.
2) I will occasionally comment on your status and/or notes for the sole purpose of making you laugh. The risk is, of course, the joke falling flat, offending you, and destroying our friendship forever. Sorry, that is what happens when you live on the edge like I do.
3) I will try to make my statuses fun and interesting. Nine times out of ten, this means using song lyrics in them.
4) I will NOT tag you on any note. I may post notes, but in NO WAY will I force you to read them or ask you to write a note in response.
5) If you tag me in a note, I reserve the right to respond to it or to ignore it. I am very fickle about these things.
6) If I have a potentially embarrassing photo of you and you name is NOT Will Turnage, I will ask permission before uploading it and tagging you.
7) I will not knowingly share any of your Facebook information with any third parties.
8) I will probably not use offensive language because I'm also Facebook friends with my wife and my parents. This also means I will probably delete offensive language off my wall if you choose to post it.
9) I will not knowingly end our friendship unless there is a good reason.
10) I will probably not loan you money, so don't ask.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=749847463&ref=profile
I do not Facebook Friend people lightly. Even though we may be friends of friends or might know each other from blogs or discussion boards or maybe we went to elementary school together and haven't talked for twenty years, we are Facebook friends now and with that, there is a certain level of respect and decorum I will try to keep.
Here is what I will do for you, Facebook friend.
1) I will remember your birthday and write something on your wall on or around the date.
2) I will occasionally comment on your status and/or notes for the sole purpose of making you laugh. The risk is, of course, the joke falling flat, offending you, and destroying our friendship forever. Sorry, that is what happens when you live on the edge like I do.
3) I will try to make my statuses fun and interesting. Nine times out of ten, this means using song lyrics in them.
4) I will NOT tag you on any note. I may post notes, but in NO WAY will I force you to read them or ask you to write a note in response.
5) If you tag me in a note, I reserve the right to respond to it or to ignore it. I am very fickle about these things.
6) If I have a potentially embarrassing photo of you and you name is NOT Will Turnage, I will ask permission before uploading it and tagging you.
7) I will not knowingly share any of your Facebook information with any third parties.
8) I will probably not use offensive language because I'm also Facebook friends with my wife and my parents. This also means I will probably delete offensive language off my wall if you choose to post it.
9) I will not knowingly end our friendship unless there is a good reason.
10) I will probably not loan you money, so don't ask.
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