If I could make six figures making videos like this, I would leave my job tomorrow.

I love stuff like this, especially the raccoon part.

Reasons Why You Should Listen to My Cousin

My musician cousin has pretty much made it a mandate to only like bands she can hear live, because that is the only way to separate the true musicians from the lip-syncing fashion plates.

Because I have no inherent musical ability outside of remixing things using Sony's ACID software, I try to disagree with her.

But then, my favorite new band St. Vincent does two super cool live music YouTube things and suddenly, I don't have a leg to stand on.





And, for no real reason whatsoever, here is a picture of Veronica Belmont in a bear costume.

Looking for Richard: The Abridged Script

Apologies to Rod Hilton. Also, if you haven't seen this trainwreck of a movie, it can be found here.

LOOKING FOR RICHARD: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT

INT. AL PACINO’S OFFICE

AL PACINO

Iam AL PACINO! Iamthe PRODUCER! Iamthe DIRECTOR! Iamthe WRITER! Iamthe STAR! Ispeakthefirsthalfofallofmysentencesreallyfast AND THEN SCREAM THE SECOND HALF! (turns to the camera and speaks in an overly sincere monotone) I consider it my sacred mission to bring Shakespeare to the common man.

INT. OXFORD PROFESSOR’S OFFICE

OXFORD PROFESSOR

Shakespeare is very important. (turns to the camera and speaks in monotone, as if reading cue cards) If only someone…. some… one… would bring Shakespeare to the common man.

INT. KENNETH BRANAGH’S OFFICE

KENNETH BRANAGH

Shakespeare is very important. (turns to the camera and speaks in monotone, as if reading cue cards) If only someone…. some… one… would bring Shakespeare to the common man.

AL PACINO

You think it would rock the entire world if I used this documentary on Shakespeare to act out Richard III with my actor buddies?

KENNETH BRANAGH

Ehhhh.

AL PACINO

That wasn’t really a question.

INT. REHEARSAL SPACE

KEVIN SPACEY

Wow. This is incredible! Who would have thought of bringing Shakespeare to the common man?

RANDOM CREWMAN

Only Al Pacino! He is the best! He is wonderful! He is a genius! No one, and I mean no one would ever possibly in a million years think of bringing Shakespeare to the common man!

AL PACINO

Promote that gaffer to assistant director and give him more screen time than anyone but me.

WINNONA RYDER

What am I doing here, again?

AL PACINO

HOO-HAAAAAA!

KEVIN SPACEY

Did Shakespeare actually make Richard III say HOO-HAAAA?

AL PACINO (to crew)

Kill the traitor.

COMMON MAN

I’m so glad this movie played only in art theaters and then got shelved in the documentary section of the video store, because now I'll never see it.

Mid 90s Cultural Awkwardness

Before I was married, I would get mad crushes on practically any woman behind a counter in a coffee shop. My secret belief is that it is something about the coffee smell, but it may have to do with a fond memory I have of this tanned and exotic woman who would always smile and wave when I came into her coffee shop. She was very friendly and put me at ease, which, in retrospect I see as just providing great customer service, but at the time I interpreted as nothing short of love. Which was totally cool.

Every day I came by she would write a different drink on a chalkboard under "Barista's Special." Because it was the mid 90s and because I don't know anything, I thought her name was Barista.

Every day for over a year I would come in and go, "Hi Barista! What is the special of the day?" and then I would pay lots of money to buy it. I even gave a tip, which usually brought the total purchase amount to about an hour-and-a-half's worth of work at my old pay rate.

But that was ok with me because I thought it was so cool to know someone with an exotic name like Barista.

Then Starbucks happened. Only after seeing the word "Barista" plastered over every coffee shop in existence did I learn that "barista" was a job title, not a pretty Latin name. Sad but true.

I still think the word is kind of pretty and I think a coffee-scented perfume named "Barista" would make millions of dollars. Because, what guy can resist a woman who smells like coffee?

Me am Smart

Seeing this makes me love my wife even more.

The Best Excuse Ever

I try not to blog about consulting work, but this is too good. We are in the final stages of a project and are trying to determine who is going to be responsible for maintaining the deliverables after the project ends.

So we have a meeting about this and we go around the room listening to why everyone on our client’s side is completely unable to do this. And one person says, “I would love to take this on, but I might get promoted, and where would we be then?”

This is my new excuse for everything. “I’m afraid I can’t do that. I might get promoted.”

Why wasn’t this report filed?

I might get promoted.

Why did you miss that meeting?

I might get promoted.

Why are you wearing fuzzy bunny slippers and a bathrobe to the office?

I might get promoted.

Another great example of instructional design

From Boing Boing.

Seeing This Makes Me Proud I am an Instructional Designer

Overheard in the Cube Farm

50-something Consultant #1: Its hard when you're unemployed. Believe me, I'm an old, fat, black woman.
50-something Consultant #2: Well, I'm an old, fat, gay man.
30-something Consultant: Awwww... I'm just fat.

Overheard at Target

Woman #1, looking through greeting cards: What about this one? "You make the world a brighter place."
Woman #2: Are you kidding? She makes the world a darker place.

Aw, man... Mike Wieringo passed away...

Not that Monday mornings are an inherently happy time for me, but this one is worse than most because I read that Mike Wieringo passed away.

Frankly, I didn't believe it when I first read about it. But now, the tributes are hitting the internet.

They're all depressing and sad. And they all say the same thing, like if by chanting the magic words they will somehow prove this is all some sort of sick practical joke.

He was only 44. He was a vegetarian. He exercised regularly.

I first heard about Mike Wieringo on Fanboy Radio. He impressed me so much in his interview, I sought out his website. What a nice place!

He brought happiness and joy into the world. I'll miss him and his work.

The most heartfelt words I've read so far come from his good friend and collaborator, Todd Dezago.

From Todd Dezago

my best friend, mike wieringo, died yesterday.

he was a vegetarian.
he worked out everyday.
sometimes these things just happen.

he loved comics.
he loved drawing comics.
he felt very, very fortunate to have been working in
comics.
he was very good at it.

his comics, like him, were full of life.
full of energy. full of fun and hope.

he was my best friend.

we worked together on spider-man, the x-men, tellos,
and several other projects that will now never come to
pass.
we grew up together with comics, though we were
hundreds of miles away. we enjoyed all the same things
about comics; the action, the adventure, the fun. he
was a joy to work with. we laughed all the time. all
the time.

comics were his life and he worked very hard on them.
sometimes 16 or 18 hours a day.
he loved comics and loved the people who read them.
he loved you.

he was my best friend.
he was my brother.
i will miss him more than i can say.

todd

Photo of Me on the Job

Thanks to the power of this website, I now know what a Lego me would look like.

Another Vicarious Moment from San Diego Comic Convention 2007

This is the last thing I'll post from the 2007 San Diego Comic Convention. It encapsulates the pure awesomeness that can only be found in the annual Mecca of pop culture.

Still One More Reason to Love Slate V

I've listened to Emily Bazelon the Slate Political Gabfest, and always thought she added something insightful to topics like Supreme Court rulings and parenting (which are not as different as you may think).

There is a bit of a shock now I know what she looks like (which is not how she sounds at all). Still it is good see her stretch into the role of video reporter instead of merely a name on an article or a voice on a podcast. Now all she needs to learn is to shut her office door before filming.

Yet Another Reason Why Slate V is Such a Good Website

Slate V has single-handedly made me want to watch commercials instead of throwing empty beer bottles at my television.



Is that really a good thing?

What I'll Be Doing on the Flight Home

My job is one that requires me to be on airplanes a lot.

Airplanes can be exciting, but after a certain point, they become like bus trips, only shorter and without the crazies.

I usually watch movies on my laptop when I'm on the plane, but this week I'm going to try the Simply Scripts One Week Challenge in one airplane trip.

http://www.simplyscripts.com/2007/07/28/the-one-week-challenge-there-and-genre-are/

The rules are simple - they give you a genre (in this case, Thriller) and a setting (in this case, an old house boat) and give you a week to submit a 15-page or less script.

Who knows what will happen next? Maybe I will come up with a sequel to Haunted Boat.

More PURE AWESOMENESS from the San Diego Comic Convention

How Fast is the Flash?

The Flash is so fast he can be here...

Then here...

Then leaves you in the dust...

BONUS PICTURE
When I was a kid, I wanted to grow up and be Chewbacca. So I have this special affinity with this kid who seems to contain more happiness than can possibly fit inside his little frame.

Why I Don’t Publish Comics for a Living

There is an old joke that permeates a wide variety of professions. “How do you get a millionaire comic book creator? Give ‘em two million seed money!” I’ve also heard the joke made in reference to folk musicians, screenwriters, and Elvis impersonators.

I daydream about being a comic book publisher. However, because I do not have warehouses full of money to flush down the toilet, it will never happen. But still the daydreams still persist.

When I read Arrows of Desire, there was a section of the book where they included Michael Powell’s idea for a television anthology series where he paired different directors with different screenwriters. That section of the book started the ol’ brain churning, thinking of comic book projects I would like to coordinate/publish.

Excluding original projects (I’m saving those for another blog post), here is a list of liscenced property projects that I, as a publisher, would fund.

One Saliva Bubble – This unfilmed David Lynch/Mark Frost script could be adapted by either Jim Woodring (of Jim Woodring comics), Nicholas Gurewitch (of the Perry Bible Fellowship) or a collaboration of the two.

Ronnie Rocket – Another unfilmed David Lynch script (originally going to be his follow up to The Elephant Man), this time adapted by Duncan Fegredo. Imagine the colors.

Greed – One of the most lamentable lost films of all time. Eric von Stroheim made a ten hour film adaptation from McTeague, which was then taken from him, edited down to two hours without his permission, and then intentionally burned. So no one, except a few studio heads, every got to see the finished product before it was taken away. The complete screenplay and production notes are available, so it would be easy (and pretty nifty) to hire Jason Lutes to adapt the whole shebang into an 1,000 page comic book?

Brave New World – The classic Aldus Huxley novel should be adapted manga style by Paul Pope. Can you imagine the first chapter, describing how in the future babies are made in factories, would look like as a 100-page Paul Pope visual extravaganza? Now think of the entire book done that way.

Yes, in one blog post, I have successfully reduced your two million dollars to half of what it once was.

Why I Love the San Diego Comic Convention

The San Diego Comic Convention just ended. I have not been to the San Diego Comic Convention ever since I got married. Sometimes I miss it, but I like being married a whole lot more, so it all works out in the end.

You see, my wife doesn't like the full-on non-stop sensory overload of the event. “We can still go to San Diego,” she often tells me. “But you go have to go the convention part alone while I lounge on the beach by the Hotel Coronado, writing my next book.” For whatever reason, I haven't been able to muster up the bank account to fund a trip like this.

But, thanks to the power of the internet, I vicariously visit the convention every year. And I can get the taste of that makes the event special. What I like about it is that it creates this little bubble where misfits are suddenly cool.

Take this couple for example.

If they showed up at the company Christmas party in these outfits, do you think Dr. Strange would get that promotion? No way! But thanks to the power of the San Diego Comic Convention, Dr. Strange is so cool, innocent bystanders are thiiiis close to tackling him and wrestling his awesomeness away from him.

Rock on, Dr. Strange! You make me happy.

Talk about a creative challenge...

I just got this in my Inbox. For those of you who don't know, Mesquite, TX is the subject of many a joke in these parts. I'm thinking of writing a play with these restrictions just to see if I can do it. I will call it, "Le Péquenaud de Mélancolie" which is French for "The Melancholy Redneck."

Submission of Original Scripts

Mesquite Community Theatre is looking for a few good plays! While we will continue to produce high-quality theatre from the current wide pool of outstanding dramas and comedies, we would like to expand our repertoire, as well as our community's interest, by soliciting new, original works. It is our desire to then present these original works as staged readings, and possibly consider them for inclusion in upcoming seasons.

To be considered, submissions must be completed, full-length written scripts that have NOT been performed in front of a paying audience. If the work has had a previous staged reading, it is still eligible. Any type of script, comedy or drama, musical, youth play, etc., may be submitted. When submitting, please include the following:

• Short synopsis of your play, including plot and character requirements.
• This should include actors needed, ages and descriptions.
• Basic concept for staging, set and costume requirements/suggestions.
• Estimated length of performance.
• Complete contact information: name, address, email, phone numbers and a brief resume/bio.

Please keep in mind that while MCT strives to keep offensive, controversial material to a minimum for the consideration of our audience, we will not refuse material that may contain questionable subject matter, since it is also our goal to present current, interesting material as well.

This is an open call, so there is no deadline. We will accept scripts at any time. Please send your material to Mesquite Community Theatre, ATTN: Artistic Committee, P.O. Box 870431, Mesquite, TX 75149. If you have any questions, you may contact us at www.mctweb.org, or call 972-216-8126. We are truly excited and anxious about this new venture! We hope you are, too!! Let's hear from you, playwrights!!! We mean YOU!!!