Mid 90s Cultural Awkwardness

Before I was married, I would get mad crushes on practically any woman behind a counter in a coffee shop. My secret belief is that it is something about the coffee smell, but it may have to do with a fond memory I have of this tanned and exotic woman who would always smile and wave when I came into her coffee shop. She was very friendly and put me at ease, which, in retrospect I see as just providing great customer service, but at the time I interpreted as nothing short of love. Which was totally cool.

Every day I came by she would write a different drink on a chalkboard under "Barista's Special." Because it was the mid 90s and because I don't know anything, I thought her name was Barista.

Every day for over a year I would come in and go, "Hi Barista! What is the special of the day?" and then I would pay lots of money to buy it. I even gave a tip, which usually brought the total purchase amount to about an hour-and-a-half's worth of work at my old pay rate.

But that was ok with me because I thought it was so cool to know someone with an exotic name like Barista.

Then Starbucks happened. Only after seeing the word "Barista" plastered over every coffee shop in existence did I learn that "barista" was a job title, not a pretty Latin name. Sad but true.

I still think the word is kind of pretty and I think a coffee-scented perfume named "Barista" would make millions of dollars. Because, what guy can resist a woman who smells like coffee?

Me am Smart

Seeing this makes me love my wife even more.

The Best Excuse Ever

I try not to blog about consulting work, but this is too good. We are in the final stages of a project and are trying to determine who is going to be responsible for maintaining the deliverables after the project ends.

So we have a meeting about this and we go around the room listening to why everyone on our client’s side is completely unable to do this. And one person says, “I would love to take this on, but I might get promoted, and where would we be then?”

This is my new excuse for everything. “I’m afraid I can’t do that. I might get promoted.”

Why wasn’t this report filed?

I might get promoted.

Why did you miss that meeting?

I might get promoted.

Why are you wearing fuzzy bunny slippers and a bathrobe to the office?

I might get promoted.

Another great example of instructional design

From Boing Boing.

Seeing This Makes Me Proud I am an Instructional Designer

Overheard in the Cube Farm

50-something Consultant #1: Its hard when you're unemployed. Believe me, I'm an old, fat, black woman.
50-something Consultant #2: Well, I'm an old, fat, gay man.
30-something Consultant: Awwww... I'm just fat.

Overheard at Target

Woman #1, looking through greeting cards: What about this one? "You make the world a brighter place."
Woman #2: Are you kidding? She makes the world a darker place.

Aw, man... Mike Wieringo passed away...

Not that Monday mornings are an inherently happy time for me, but this one is worse than most because I read that Mike Wieringo passed away.

Frankly, I didn't believe it when I first read about it. But now, the tributes are hitting the internet.

They're all depressing and sad. And they all say the same thing, like if by chanting the magic words they will somehow prove this is all some sort of sick practical joke.

He was only 44. He was a vegetarian. He exercised regularly.

I first heard about Mike Wieringo on Fanboy Radio. He impressed me so much in his interview, I sought out his website. What a nice place!

He brought happiness and joy into the world. I'll miss him and his work.

The most heartfelt words I've read so far come from his good friend and collaborator, Todd Dezago.

From Todd Dezago

my best friend, mike wieringo, died yesterday.

he was a vegetarian.
he worked out everyday.
sometimes these things just happen.

he loved comics.
he loved drawing comics.
he felt very, very fortunate to have been working in
comics.
he was very good at it.

his comics, like him, were full of life.
full of energy. full of fun and hope.

he was my best friend.

we worked together on spider-man, the x-men, tellos,
and several other projects that will now never come to
pass.
we grew up together with comics, though we were
hundreds of miles away. we enjoyed all the same things
about comics; the action, the adventure, the fun. he
was a joy to work with. we laughed all the time. all
the time.

comics were his life and he worked very hard on them.
sometimes 16 or 18 hours a day.
he loved comics and loved the people who read them.
he loved you.

he was my best friend.
he was my brother.
i will miss him more than i can say.

todd

Photo of Me on the Job

Thanks to the power of this website, I now know what a Lego me would look like.

Another Vicarious Moment from San Diego Comic Convention 2007

This is the last thing I'll post from the 2007 San Diego Comic Convention. It encapsulates the pure awesomeness that can only be found in the annual Mecca of pop culture.

Still One More Reason to Love Slate V

I've listened to Emily Bazelon the Slate Political Gabfest, and always thought she added something insightful to topics like Supreme Court rulings and parenting (which are not as different as you may think).

There is a bit of a shock now I know what she looks like (which is not how she sounds at all). Still it is good see her stretch into the role of video reporter instead of merely a name on an article or a voice on a podcast. Now all she needs to learn is to shut her office door before filming.

Yet Another Reason Why Slate V is Such a Good Website

Slate V has single-handedly made me want to watch commercials instead of throwing empty beer bottles at my television.



Is that really a good thing?

What I'll Be Doing on the Flight Home

My job is one that requires me to be on airplanes a lot.

Airplanes can be exciting, but after a certain point, they become like bus trips, only shorter and without the crazies.

I usually watch movies on my laptop when I'm on the plane, but this week I'm going to try the Simply Scripts One Week Challenge in one airplane trip.

http://www.simplyscripts.com/2007/07/28/the-one-week-challenge-there-and-genre-are/

The rules are simple - they give you a genre (in this case, Thriller) and a setting (in this case, an old house boat) and give you a week to submit a 15-page or less script.

Who knows what will happen next? Maybe I will come up with a sequel to Haunted Boat.

More PURE AWESOMENESS from the San Diego Comic Convention

How Fast is the Flash?

The Flash is so fast he can be here...

Then here...

Then leaves you in the dust...

BONUS PICTURE
When I was a kid, I wanted to grow up and be Chewbacca. So I have this special affinity with this kid who seems to contain more happiness than can possibly fit inside his little frame.

Why I Don’t Publish Comics for a Living

There is an old joke that permeates a wide variety of professions. “How do you get a millionaire comic book creator? Give ‘em two million seed money!” I’ve also heard the joke made in reference to folk musicians, screenwriters, and Elvis impersonators.

I daydream about being a comic book publisher. However, because I do not have warehouses full of money to flush down the toilet, it will never happen. But still the daydreams still persist.

When I read Arrows of Desire, there was a section of the book where they included Michael Powell’s idea for a television anthology series where he paired different directors with different screenwriters. That section of the book started the ol’ brain churning, thinking of comic book projects I would like to coordinate/publish.

Excluding original projects (I’m saving those for another blog post), here is a list of liscenced property projects that I, as a publisher, would fund.

One Saliva Bubble – This unfilmed David Lynch/Mark Frost script could be adapted by either Jim Woodring (of Jim Woodring comics), Nicholas Gurewitch (of the Perry Bible Fellowship) or a collaboration of the two.

Ronnie Rocket – Another unfilmed David Lynch script (originally going to be his follow up to The Elephant Man), this time adapted by Duncan Fegredo. Imagine the colors.

Greed – One of the most lamentable lost films of all time. Eric von Stroheim made a ten hour film adaptation from McTeague, which was then taken from him, edited down to two hours without his permission, and then intentionally burned. So no one, except a few studio heads, every got to see the finished product before it was taken away. The complete screenplay and production notes are available, so it would be easy (and pretty nifty) to hire Jason Lutes to adapt the whole shebang into an 1,000 page comic book?

Brave New World – The classic Aldus Huxley novel should be adapted manga style by Paul Pope. Can you imagine the first chapter, describing how in the future babies are made in factories, would look like as a 100-page Paul Pope visual extravaganza? Now think of the entire book done that way.

Yes, in one blog post, I have successfully reduced your two million dollars to half of what it once was.

Why I Love the San Diego Comic Convention

The San Diego Comic Convention just ended. I have not been to the San Diego Comic Convention ever since I got married. Sometimes I miss it, but I like being married a whole lot more, so it all works out in the end.

You see, my wife doesn't like the full-on non-stop sensory overload of the event. “We can still go to San Diego,” she often tells me. “But you go have to go the convention part alone while I lounge on the beach by the Hotel Coronado, writing my next book.” For whatever reason, I haven't been able to muster up the bank account to fund a trip like this.

But, thanks to the power of the internet, I vicariously visit the convention every year. And I can get the taste of that makes the event special. What I like about it is that it creates this little bubble where misfits are suddenly cool.

Take this couple for example.

If they showed up at the company Christmas party in these outfits, do you think Dr. Strange would get that promotion? No way! But thanks to the power of the San Diego Comic Convention, Dr. Strange is so cool, innocent bystanders are thiiiis close to tackling him and wrestling his awesomeness away from him.

Rock on, Dr. Strange! You make me happy.

Talk about a creative challenge...

I just got this in my Inbox. For those of you who don't know, Mesquite, TX is the subject of many a joke in these parts. I'm thinking of writing a play with these restrictions just to see if I can do it. I will call it, "Le Péquenaud de Mélancolie" which is French for "The Melancholy Redneck."

Submission of Original Scripts

Mesquite Community Theatre is looking for a few good plays! While we will continue to produce high-quality theatre from the current wide pool of outstanding dramas and comedies, we would like to expand our repertoire, as well as our community's interest, by soliciting new, original works. It is our desire to then present these original works as staged readings, and possibly consider them for inclusion in upcoming seasons.

To be considered, submissions must be completed, full-length written scripts that have NOT been performed in front of a paying audience. If the work has had a previous staged reading, it is still eligible. Any type of script, comedy or drama, musical, youth play, etc., may be submitted. When submitting, please include the following:

• Short synopsis of your play, including plot and character requirements.
• This should include actors needed, ages and descriptions.
• Basic concept for staging, set and costume requirements/suggestions.
• Estimated length of performance.
• Complete contact information: name, address, email, phone numbers and a brief resume/bio.

Please keep in mind that while MCT strives to keep offensive, controversial material to a minimum for the consideration of our audience, we will not refuse material that may contain questionable subject matter, since it is also our goal to present current, interesting material as well.

This is an open call, so there is no deadline. We will accept scripts at any time. Please send your material to Mesquite Community Theatre, ATTN: Artistic Committee, P.O. Box 870431, Mesquite, TX 75149. If you have any questions, you may contact us at www.mctweb.org, or call 972-216-8126. We are truly excited and anxious about this new venture! We hope you are, too!! Let's hear from you, playwrights!!! We mean YOU!!!

THIS is why you should read Amazon customer reviews of Transformers toys

Click the image for more detail.

Because The World Needs More Blogs

I've started a new blog called WTF DVDs. Five times a week, I will post an image of a strange and frightening DVD, make some snarky comment about the concept behind the DVD, and hope enough people click the Amazon and Google Ad links so I can retire a millionaire.

So I finished the last Potter book and felt the need to ramble about it

I’m one of those reluctant fans, motivated to read more out of my interest in pop culture than actual love of the Potter books. Actually, I first picked up the series out of intense peer pressure. At the time, I was at a business that employed a lot of working mothers – all of whom were under the impression that talking about Harry Potter for half the business day made them better parents - better parents who “had to send their kids away to Nana’s for the weekend” every time a new Potter book hit the stands.

So, you might see my anti-Potter bias going into the series.

My main complaint about the series as a whole is not much a complaint about the books themselves but more on the weight popular culture has given to them. My complaint is this – THEY ARE CHILDREN’S BOOKS. I don’t care if they are over 600 pages, they are still kid’s books and are not challenging and interesting the way good literature is supposed to be. And this is coming from a guy who will go on for hours about the artistic merit of comic books.

My not-so-secret belief is that the books are successful because people can read them in an afternoon. Can you normally plow through a 500+ page monster that weighs 8 pounds in a few hours? Of course not, which is why the Potter books are so special. (This is also my not-secret-belief behind the popularity of manga – where else can you read a 3,000 page book in less than an hour?)

Anyway, I have problems with the series as a whole – the pacing, the themes, the utter lack of sense, but I will go through the series book by book and discuss some high-level issues I have. And, no, I will not post any spoilers.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone
This one is most obviously a children’s book. If I were eight, I would love it. As an adult, I think of it as episodic and not very exciting. The magic presented (like the Mirror of Erised) is often a painfully easy and obvious metaphor, and the obstacles Harry has to go through to get the stone seem too much like they came out of a Fun Time Activity Pack.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
This one actually made me angry in several places, because of the most annoying character, ever, Dobby. Every time he appears on the page, I want to throw the book across the room. If you are going to write a book where the theme is tolerance and redemption through races, it might help if you didn’t rely so heavily on old, awkward, painful racial stereotypes. Yes, I know all the bankers are goblins, but they are hook-nosed and greedy. Yes, I know the slaves are elves, but do you have to make them diminutive and dark-skinned, and base so much comic relief around how they are stupid?

And, if you are going to develop a storyline about how Wizards and Muggles should live in peace, why would you portray the only Muggle family – the Dursleys – as Roald Dahl caricatures of wickedness and evil?

This was also when I realized that there is not going to be any rhyme or reason to the books. The book is written like an Agatha Christie mystery, filled with clues and investigations and postulations. But the climax of the book just comes out of nowhere, doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, and is excused because - come on – it is magic!

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Having had my will broken by the previous book, and having given up trying to find out the ending of the book really put me in a state of mind where I could just enjoy the story, and, you know what? It worked!

This is my favorite book of the series. I think here is where Rowling truly finds her voice and knocks it out of the park. The characters really come to life and the story is a lot of fun. At this point, I really enjoyed the climax of “The Harry Potter Trilogy” and had some hope for the rest of the series.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Aaaand we go from the best book in the series to the worst book in the series. Having successfully mastered the art of writing really great children’s fiction, Rowling challenges herself by trying to write a more “adult” novel. The result is an awkward, adolescent book that is as misshapen and pimply as the main character’s peers.

Rowling’s pacing is really awful throughout, with overblown passages of nothing followed by too brief bits of action.

This is where the entire “school year as a dramatic arc” approach to these stories really hampers their progress and development. In every book, the story grinds to a halt right in the middle so all the characters can have a Christmas Holiday. Rather than letting the action flow from one event to another, the action is forced into a structure that does not support it.

Once again, climax of the book comes out of nowhere and can’t be predicted.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
This book is the “Christmas Holiday” of the series. Rowling has always said the series was going to be seven books long. I think it would have worked better as a five book series, with all the first two books combined into a single book, the third book remaining untouched as the second book, and the fourth through seventh books reduced to three books.

If Reader’s Digest condensed books get a hold of the Potter series, I think this book will suffer the most.

In all honesty, I can’t remember very much about this book. It was a lot of talking without saying much culminating in an ending that seemed oddly rushed.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
They say, “show, don’t tell” in writer’s classes, but the Potter series suffers when it “tells” one thing and “shows” something else. The series is supposed to be about whether Wizards should rule over Muggles. So you have a lot of rhetoric about how Muggles people, too, and we should all be equal and hold hands and love each other, but when you see scenes with Potter and the Dursleys, you can really see Voldemort’s point.

This is where I liken the Harry Potter books to the DaVinci Code. What I didn’t like about the DaVinci code was the fact that it told you that all these characters were geniuses (as much as a Harvard professor in “symbology” and forensic pathologist can be), but then the rest of the book consisted of all the characters acting about as smart as a box of rocks. Go through and count the “I don’t understands” and the “Let me explains” in the book and you will see my point. There were several parts of the book where I could pat myself on the back for being smarter than a Harvard Symbologist, just like there were several parts of the Potter series where I could pat myself for being less of a snob than the protagonist.

That little rant has nothing to do with the book, really, but by this point, I really wanted the series just to be over and done with.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows
Once again, my main problems with this book are pacing and theme. There is a portion in the middle that just slogs along. It is almost if Harry Potter has writer’s block – he spends literally pages wondering what he is going to do next.

Having said all of that, I was pretty amazed how Rowling could pull it out of the fire at the last minute. Dobby shows up and, to my surprise, is not annoying! Most of the characters, or more importantly, the caricatures, are given a bit of redemption and behavior that does not match what their two-dimensional previous appearances might suggest.

What I did not was that there were not one, but two chapters of pure exposition at the end of the book. Most of the books end with Dumbledore explaining everything, but I prefer my books with exposition at the beginning, not the end. It is like the opera Sigfried - Sigfried escapes a troll, kills a dragon, and walks through a wall of fire, wakes up the sleeping woman only to get... a lecture. I am glad I am not Sigfried, because I would have just walked off.

Parting Thoughts
Harry is one of the most inert heroes in children’s literature – he doesn’t really take a proactive role until the Order of the Phoenix book. Most of the action happens around him and to him instead of him struggling and working hard to get from point A to point B. It was difficult to relate to him because I was not born famous and pure-hearted. I would consider the series as a waste of time except for a whole lot of fun and charm in the book in the form of the two real heroes of the series, Hermonie and Neville.

Thank you, J.K. Rowling, for giving us those characters in particular. They were worth the time and effort put into reading your books.